doug smith training

When was the last time one of your assumptions was wrong? It's so easy to jump to conclusions. We fill-in-the-blanks so many times in so many ways because it's just part of being human. But, when we assume that things are not going in our favor, when maybe there is no reason to, we do ourselves no service. This is a picture of a recent training room for one of my workshops. It was day two of the two-day workshop and since the hotel staff had in the past forgotten to unlock the door to my room. I arrived, and sure enough the door was locked. Rather than get upset (something I might have experienced in the past) I calmly contacted the hotel staff and politely, yet assertively, asked to have my door unlocked. "I can do that, sir," said a polite maintenance gentleman, "but you could also just walk in thru that second, open door..." "Oh. Gee. Thanks!" That was just a little embarrassing. Just about fifteen feet from the locked door was an o

"What do you mean, it isn't true?" "It isn't yet at its best until it's kind." "But, it can still be true..." "Is incomplete still true? Is it still true if it does not return the best possible result?" "It's the results that I want, I'm just in a hurry. I don't have time to be kind!" "Maybe. But also, maybe you don't have time NOT to be kind. Think of the reactions. Think of the changes. Think about whether someone feels resentment instead of contentment. No matter how well you say it, won't it sound better with kindness?" -- doug smith

I like the theory that says "there is no failure only feedback" that comes from NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming.) There is much truth in that. But, like all truth, it applies and then it doesn't. Context matters. There are mistakes that we can make that we do not learn from because there is no second chance. Some mistakes, life threatening or relationship ending, offer no other chance. So as the sarge used to say at the beginning of every "Hill Street Blues" episode, "let's be careful out there." -- doug smith

To stay clear, stay clear of ambiguity. Say what you mean. Clarify requires constant clarification. -- doug smith

Complete honesty will surprise may people. Be completely honest anyway. -- doug smith

When I was much younger I was so shy that I often would not say what was on my mind. Who am I kidding? I hardly EVER said what was on my mind. I later learned that a) no one could read my mind, and b) I didn't get what I wanted that way. Since then I've been working on speaking assertively. Making the request. Stating the view. Clarifying my perspective. It's a work in progress. We're all a work in progress. Here's how I plan to make more progress: talk about it. There's no point in waiting to say what you mean -- you may not get the chance again. Say what you mean as truly as you can, with kindness. What do you think? -- doug smith