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Showing posts from January, 2018

Do You Criticize Emotions?

Do you like it if someone criticizes your emotions? Or, how about those times when people minimize the emotions going on as unimportant? Judging emotions does not help whatever situation is provoking that emotion. Blaming the person in the middle of an emotion for their emotions is not helpful. It doesn't do any good to criticize anyone's emotions. You can stop that now. It doesn't help you, or the person feeling the emotion. Instead, stay curious. Stay helpful. And mostly, just listen. -- doug smith

The Answer Leader

Keep Learning, Again and Again

Our best is not our end. It's a platform to our next level. Learn, and level up. Learn and do better. Let's keep learning. -- doug smith

Too Many Goals?

If it feels like you have too many goals, that could mean that you have too many goals that were given to you from someone else. If a goal is yours -- if you set it based on your long range plan -- rather than resent it, present it. Find help. Build excitement. When you find the excitement, the help appears and the goal sails. If no help appears, maybe you know now which goals to trim. -- doug smith

Where to Start...

At The Center of Any Problem...

Tell Yourself the Truth

Do you ever lie to yourself? Most of us do. Of all the lies we tell, we lie to ourselves the most. And for what? Toward what aim? Lying to ourselves is fruitless. Lying to ourselves is damaging. Lying to ourselves is no way to achieve our goals or to communicate effectively. Your truth will matter more to others when it matters more to yourself. Tell yourself the truth. -- doug smith


Clarify. What seems obvious may not be correct. Our perspective filters everything. Clarify. -- doug smith

Truth or Lies?

When was the last time that you were lied to? Maybe you know, and maybe you don't. It could depend on the lie. The person who lied to you could be so good at lying that you still don't know. Or, maybe they didn't even consider it to be a lie -- but it is. Lies cause hardship and heartbreak. Lies damage relationships and distort results. And yet, we all lie. Maybe because we don't realize the extent of the harm that lies cause. Destroyed trust, broken promises, unfair distribution of limited resources, lost opportunities... If we knew -- really knew -- how harmful lies really are we might stop telling them. You could stop today. I could stop today. Let's stop. -- doug smith Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.  -- Don Miguel Ruiz "Lying to ourselves is more dee

Worth Mentioning

Did you ever wonder why someone wasn't giving you want you expected? Did you ask? -- doug smith

Find a Better Way to Ask

Sometimes the answer is no, and we don't like the answer.  We could give up. Oh well. Or -- we could ask a different way. Maybe our expectations were not clear. Maybe our intensity was not clear. Get clear. Stay persistent. Not all the time -- it still makes sense to remain open, curious, and able to be influenced. But when you've got to have what you've got to have, and you are struggling to get it -- try a different way. Some suggestions: - find the value in what you want from the other person's point of view - show how NOT getting what you want impacts the other person negatively - ask in a different way - add humor (gently) - use analogies ("On a scale of 1 to 10, this is a solid 10 for me!) - find the mutually beneficial outcome. It could be something different. There are always more possibilities. How do you know there are still possibilities? If you haven't gotten something you like yet. What ideas do you have? --  doug smith

On Regrets

Regrets are meant for learning, not suffering. We all have regrets. There are so many mistakes we make that we believe we could easily solve given one more chance. But could we? Really? Or would it be like some lost episode of "The Twilight Zone" where our actions simply triggered new mistakes, new circumstances, and repetitive results? We can't go back anyway. As of this moment in time, there is no time travel (and if there were EVER any time travel, wouldn't it apply to always?) I have things that I have regretted but here's what I've learned. Easy or hard, painful or trivial, just get over it. Regrets are meant for learning. There's no reason to keep beating ourselves up about it. Do your best. Make amends. Move on. -- doug smith

You Can Handle The Truth

Who tells lies? That's not a trick question. We all lie.  There may even be some circumstances when lying seems appropriate. The trouble is when we lie we convince ourselves that the circumstances warrant lying, even when they don't. It makes it hard to know when anyone's telling the truth. It makes it hard to make and keep agreements. It doesn't have to be that way. We could simply tell the truth. Always. Some conversations would take longer. Some conversations might contain more conflict than we'd like. But, imagine what a boost your level of trust gets when people realize that you can be relied on to always tell the truth. Not just when it's easy. Not just when it's convenient. Always. Wouldn't you rather live with no more lies? Tell the truth. You can handle it. -- doug smith