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Showing posts with the label communicating for results

Connection

  Where does communication start? Before any meaningful message can be shared, before any agreement can be reached, communication starts with connection. Finding a way to share something in common with someone else. Turning toward someone and taking the chance of seeing, hearing, feeling who they are in this moment of time. Communication starts with connection. Connect, and the possibilities are limitless. -- doug smith

Communication Freedom...

  Have you ever said something and you knew that it was wrong as soon as you said it? What happened next? Sometimes we find ourselves defending our position even after we realize that our position is flawed or even downright incorrect. Why do we do that? We have the freedom when we are communicating to change our minds. We have the freedom to re-state what we said, to reframe it in a way that makes more sense, to come to terms with a better truth. We don't have to defend something just because we said it. Maybe we shouldn't have said it to begin with! -- doug smith

The Truth Is More Kind

While it may be diplomatic to hide an uncomfortable truth, it is in the end not all that kind. You can build all the walls you want around the truth and paint it with all the pretty disguises and half-truths and silences that you want but the truth will find a way to emerge. Truth is relentless and tireless. Tell the truth. Be nice about it, sure. Use the leadership strength of compassion to stay empathetic and considerate. Tell the truth with kindness but please -- do tell the truth. -- doug smith

Constructive Feedback

Wouldn't it be nice if the only feedback we got was all positive? Our self-esteem would be so happy. Our confidence would be flying high. Work would be wonderful! The problem is, the mistakes we make, the opportunities we miss, the offenses we offer would go unchecked leading to - gulp - worse performance. Yes, we love the positive feedback. I can run a week on one "good job!" We also really need the constructive comments. Ready or not, we can always improve. Asking only for positive feedback sounds comforting but it's wrong. We need to ask for feedback and handle it, positive or not. If we do not receive any constructive feedback, as high performance leaders we owe it to ourselves and our teams to ask for it. It's also true when it comes to delivering feedback. Our constructive feedback for others may make them uncomfortable. Our observations of behavior may run counter to their self-evaluation. As leaders, we owe it to people to help them improve, to lead them t

Rising Truth

The truth won't disappear even if you hide it. It might be possible to hide the truth for a while, but it will inevitably emerge. Are you someone who tries to hide the truth, or are you someone who reveals the truth? Either way, there is skill behind the effort. Oh, and either way the truth will still bubble to the top. -- doug smith

Feedback Takes Practice

How good are you at providing feedback? If you're not sure, ask your team members. If you are good at it, they'll tell you. If you're not good at it, then maybe they will and maybe they won't. Feedback does not come easy. Skillful, useful feedback that improves both performance AND self-esteem is a delicate balance of recognizing positives and occasionally providing insights on areas of improvement -- all placed into the context of why it matters. Without the "why" -- why the feedback matters, why the improvement matters, why the performance matters, all the feedback you can muster will only fluster whoever you provide it to. Tell them what they did that was great, ask how they could make it even greater, and share with them why it all makes a difference. Because unless it really makes a difference who cares? Feedback, like any skill, takes practice. -- doug smith  

Insist on Honesty

Even if honesty seems rare, you can achieve it with discipline. When you practice it. When you insist on it. When you get better at testing your assumptions. When you give people the chance to tell the truth by responding with respect. High performance leaders finds ways to explore before they implore -- they make certain of the truth before they swear by it. Powerful leaders stay open to possibilities that they may not have contemplated and allow the truth to emerge. Once the truth emerges, there will still be people who doubt it, who still will resist. When we can share what we think and what we feel with honesty, it will serve us well even when we're wrong (because even honest people are sometimes wrong). Insist on honesty with respect - it's a great path to the truth. -- doug smith

Leadership Communication

The art of leadership is communicating with the right amount of urgency exactly what people need to do next. They may know already and tell you what needs to be done. They have no idea and need clear directions. They may be filled with clues or utterly clueless. The science of leadership becomes the art of leadership the moment you start to communicate. How are you with the art of leadership? -- doug smith

The First Step

The first step in communicating better is developing the ability to connect with respect. Respect for the person, for the space, for the time. Respect for the results you are communicating to achieve. Respect for the willingness to share a conversation in hopes of reaching shared meaning. Connect with respect. It's a great place to start. -- doug smith  

Silence or Apology?

Can you remember the last time you said something that you regret? Did it result in embarrassment? Maybe even an apology? It's certainly happened to me. It's even possible to say something that no amount of regret or apology can erase -- or even diminish. In other words, the harm is permanent and severe. Oh, if there was only a way to avoid that... There is. It's simple, but not easy. Simply pause. Before saying that "wonderfully outrageous" thing or "brilliantly sarcastic" comment pause long enough to take a few breaths. Embrace silence. A moment of silence can prevent a lifetime of regret.  If you need to, you can always say that incendiary thing in the future. But, you probably won't need to, and you'll be glad that you let the moment pass. -- doug smith

Go Deeper

Being absolutely sure of something means I've only explored one side. Not only is our individual perspective imperfect, it is also incomplete. Go deeper -- that's where the treasure lives. -- doug smith 

On Silence

Sometimes I talk too much. Have you ever said anything that you regret? If you're telling the truth, I'm going to guess "yes." Leaders do that sometimes. And, while we owe it to our teams to speak up and express ourselves clearly, there are times when silence is better. Silence is better when the words you are about to speak are better spoken by someone else. Silence is better when the opportunity is for the team to learn from their own words and actions. Silence is better when the words we are about to say are in anger. How can we know the difference? When do we need to speak up and when do we need to shut up? Try this: pause for three seconds and at least one deep breath (more if you can.) Your answer may appear in that silence. -- doug smith

Saying it best by listening

Think about the best communicator you know. Not someone famous (unless you know them) but rather someone you interact with.  Have you noticed their communication skills get better over time? (If they didn't, you might have a different view on them...) No doubt they work on it and keep developing those communication skills. There's always something to learn. We are never finished developing our communication skills. I know I've got a lot of learning to do when it comes to communication. How about you?  Think again about that great communicator you know. Could it be the some of the times you felt they were the best at communicating that it had very little to do with what they said, but more with what they didn't say? Could it be that the way they listen says more than they could say any other way? Saying it best by listening is always welcome. I'm going to try to do that more often. How about you? -- doug smith

First, Respect

Is there something important that you need to say to someone you're not getting along with at the moment? Are you reporting a problem to people in your organization? Is that conversation difficult, controversial, or problematic? Say it with respect and kindness or keep it to yourself. -- doug smith 

Respect and Kindness

Communicating effectively includes talking about the tough stuff. We might even appear confrontational when we oppose with strength and courage. We can disagree and keep talking. As long as we listen and keep an open mind, we can influence best when we are open to being influenced. Part of that is speaking, and listening, with respect and kindness. Creating, and preserving a sense of dignity.  When we cana talk about it with respect and kindness we can talk about anything. Seems like a good place to start. -- doug smith  

Trust the Truth

It's hard to escape it: there are lies everywhere. Behind every lie is a liar, someone who knows that they are deceiving people. The lies might be obvious. They might even rationalize the lies into harmless ways around the truth.  There is no way around the truth. The only way to the truth is telling the truth. It's tempting to rationalize our own reactions to lies. After all, they lied first so what's the harm in twisting the truth just a little for a good cause. No. You can't stop a liar from lying, but you don't have to play a liar's game. High performance leaders with integrity tell the truth. -- doug smith

Quick Presentation Advice

Have you ever seen a presentation that was all slides and not much presentation? You know all the signs: fonts too small, too many words, unrelated charts, busy, busy, busy. People won't remember your slides. They'll remember you. Especially when your presentation involves them -- the audience. Make it for and about the audience and then it won't even matter if your slides work. -- doug smith  

Communication Flexibility

Have you considered flexibility in communication? I thought about this yesterday when my first impulse as a response to something that someone said to me was to share my own experience, my own advice, my own perspective. But I didn't do that. It would have been easy, but it would have been wrong from an emotional standpoint. The other person hadn't asked for my advice.  If she did, I was ready. The advice, the point of view, was all ready to go. But she didn't so I simply listened. Quiet can communicate so much. Staying flexible in the moment, knowing the options and then selecting the most compassionate, caring, useful response greatly improves communication. Conversations can be dances where we don't step on each other's feet. Conversations can be fluid, flexible, light, and still substantive. Flexible. Even when I am absolutely sure that I know the answer... There is always more than one answer. -- doug smith

Try Again

It's not rejection if the other person did not understand your request. -- doug smith 

What that impulse means...

  Whenever I feel myself getting defensive, and whenever I catch myself defending a point I haven't even completely thought thru yet, I realize that what I need is to stay curious. Quiet. Open minded. In discovery mode, not defending mode. There's plenty of time to defend later. The impulse to argue is your signal to stay curious. Mine, too. -- doug smith