doug smith training

Have you ever considered that everything we have is borrowed? I used to loan people books and then expect them to be returned. Ha. Then I came to realize, that if you loan someone a book, it's probably never coming back. The next time you see it will be at that person's home, if ever. But life went on. My first bicycle was a treasure. I eagerly waited for it and it was one of the best Christmas presents my parents ever gave to me. Black Beauty, I named it and rode it all over my neighborhood and behind. I even had a speedometer and odometer that recorded my precious miles. That's all gone now. My first car was totaled by my brother. Now, sadly, both are gone. It wasn't the accident that took my brother, but he's gone way too soon. I miss this precious treasures and other treasures as well. It's hard to let go. But they are gone. Poof! Into the void. Now, if I have some I can give away, I try not to think of the loss, but rather of the gain. To some

Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves. We talk ourselves out of things we want to do (or don't want to do...) We lie about our abilities, our authority, our status. Maybe we lie because it is safer than taking a risk. Maybe we lie because the truth is so harsh. Who are we fooling? When we fool ourselves, you know what that makes us. I might not be able to eliminate lies, but I do not have to believe them. And...whenever I lie to myself I try to laugh a little and move on. How about you? -- doug smith

Every big goal starts by completing some small task. -- doug smith

The more agreements we create (and honor) the deeper our conversations (and relationships) become. -- doug smith

Why do people get stuck in their anger? Anger feeds on itself. It's contagious. It spreads only ill feelings and seldom accomplishes value. It gets in the way. I understand where it comes from. I feel angry myself sometimes. But it does not help us most of the time. We all make mistakes. We change, we grow, we cross boundaries. We even hurt feelings. Let's let the feelings heal. Let's learn and move forward. You'll make mistakes and I'll make mistakes and the more passionate we are about what we do the more likely we are to cross those hard to see boundaries. If you can forgive my mistake I can forgive your anger. Then we can both let go and go forward. -- doug smith

I'm still looking for someone who can do everything. Every task on their list, every task on their boss's list, every goal in their endless stream of goals. I still haven't found them. I'm still looking for the person who can finish everything they've started, who can achieve any goal while tackling all goals, and who never gets nervous in the process. I still haven't found them. No one can do everything. Not even you. Chaos comes when we try to do everything. Chaos comes when everything looks like it's as important as everything else. Chaos comes, and it screams. Do you hear the screaming? Do you enjoy the screaming? Chaos screams! Prioritize. Prioritize and chaos will settle down. -- doug smith

What if time didn't matter? What would you work on? What if you did that right now? -- doug smith

How clear is your message? You'll know it's clear when it's understood. You'll know it's understood when your intended audience communicates it back to you, meaning and tone and urgency intact. Clarity requires constant clarification. Chances are you're not done. -- doug smith

Are you an active listener? An active listener makes listening for understanding the focus of a conversation. You'll have plenty of time to express yourself. First, listen. Listening is a survival skill. I have never regretted listening to understand before responding. Plenty of times I have regretted speaking too soon. Listening can keep you out of trouble. That conclusion you jumped to? Perhaps a moment more of listening would have clarified the situation. That insult you didn't intend? Could more listening have alerted you to a sensitive area in your conversational partner? That breach of etiquette, that spilling of confidential information, that career limiting rant -- so many communication mistakes can be prevented by curious listening. If you want to communicate for results, you have to first know what your audience hears. You get there by listening. Listening to the words, the tone, the body language, the in-between-the-lines nuances of emotions. Listening is

Who knows everything? I don't know everything, do you? No one knows everything. Now, before we break out into song, maybe the best thing I can offer on this incomplete version of the truth is this: No one can tell you your truth, AND your truth alone is incomplete. It's true for me, it's true for you.  Or, is it? If you allow your truth to grow, to change, to evolve, it will stop getting in your way and instead will open up more possibilities. And possibilities are the super fuel of success. -- doug smith

It feels harder than ever these days to prioritize. We get pulled into so many directions it's hard to know what to do first. Every day feels like life on the edge of (or in the middle of) chaos. What to do? Common sense says priories. Decide what is most important and focus first on that. Build the future you want by working on it today. The place to start? The place to start prioritizing is with your goals. Limit how many you have. Rank the ones you have set by priority, and then focus your efforts accordingly. We all have to start somewhere. It might as well be with our goals. -- doug smith

When was the last time one of your assumptions was wrong? It's so easy to jump to conclusions. We fill-in-the-blanks so many times in so many ways because it's just part of being human. But, when we assume that things are not going in our favor, when maybe there is no reason to, we do ourselves no service. This is a picture of a recent training room for one of my workshops. It was day two of the two-day workshop and since the hotel staff had in the past forgotten to unlock the door to my room. I arrived, and sure enough the door was locked. Rather than get upset (something I might have experienced in the past) I calmly contacted the hotel staff and politely, yet assertively, asked to have my door unlocked. "I can do that, sir," said a polite maintenance gentleman, "but you could also just walk in thru that second, open door..." "Oh. Gee. Thanks!" That was just a little embarrassing. Just about fifteen feet from the locked door was an o

"What do you mean, it isn't true?" "It isn't yet at its best until it's kind." "But, it can still be true..." "Is incomplete still true? Is it still true if it does not return the best possible result?" "It's the results that I want, I'm just in a hurry. I don't have time to be kind!" "Maybe. But also, maybe you don't have time NOT to be kind. Think of the reactions. Think of the changes. Think about whether someone feels resentment instead of contentment. No matter how well you say it, won't it sound better with kindness?" -- doug smith

To stay clear, stay clear of ambiguity. Say what you mean. Clarify requires constant clarification. -- doug smith

Complete honesty will surprise may people. Be completely honest anyway. -- doug smith

When I was much younger I was so shy that I often would not say what was on my mind. Who am I kidding? I hardly EVER said what was on my mind. I later learned that a) no one could read my mind, and b) I didn't get what I wanted that way. Since then I've been working on speaking assertively. Making the request. Stating the view. Clarifying my perspective. It's a work in progress. We're all a work in progress. Here's how I plan to make more progress: talk about it. There's no point in waiting to say what you mean -- you may not get the chance again. Say what you mean as truly as you can, with kindness. What do you think? -- doug smith

I often ask the question "who do we lie to the most?" and the answer is nearly universal: ourselves. We lie the most to ourselves. What a disservice. What an encumbrance. What a waste. Tell the truth, and start with yourself, Once we can tell the truth to ourselves it's easier to tell it to others. I'm going to work on that. How about you? -- doug smith

Do you like it if someone criticizes your emotions? Or, how about those times when people minimize the emotions going on as unimportant? Judging emotions does not help whatever situation is provoking that emotion. Blaming the person in the middle of an emotion for their emotions is not helpful. It doesn't do any good to criticize anyone's emotions. You can stop that now. It doesn't help you, or the person feeling the emotion. Instead, stay curious. Stay helpful. And mostly, just listen. -- doug smith