doug smith training

It feels harder than ever these days to prioritize. We get pulled into so many directions it's hard to know what to do first. Every day feels like life on the edge of (or in the middle of) chaos. What to do? Common sense says priories. Decide what is most important and focus first on that. Build the future you want by working on it today. The place to start? The place to start prioritizing is with your goals. Limit how many you have. Rank the ones you have set by priority, and then focus your efforts accordingly. We all have to start somewhere. It might as well be with our goals. -- doug smith

When was the last time one of your assumptions was wrong? It's so easy to jump to conclusions. We fill-in-the-blanks so many times in so many ways because it's just part of being human. But, when we assume that things are not going in our favor, when maybe there is no reason to, we do ourselves no service. This is a picture of a recent training room for one of my workshops. It was day two of the two-day workshop and since the hotel staff had in the past forgotten to unlock the door to my room. I arrived, and sure enough the door was locked. Rather than get upset (something I might have experienced in the past) I calmly contacted the hotel staff and politely, yet assertively, asked to have my door unlocked. "I can do that, sir," said a polite maintenance gentleman, "but you could also just walk in thru that second, open door..." "Oh. Gee. Thanks!" That was just a little embarrassing. Just about fifteen feet from the locked door was an o

"What do you mean, it isn't true?" "It isn't yet at its best until it's kind." "But, it can still be true..." "Is incomplete still true? Is it still true if it does not return the best possible result?" "It's the results that I want, I'm just in a hurry. I don't have time to be kind!" "Maybe. But also, maybe you don't have time NOT to be kind. Think of the reactions. Think of the changes. Think about whether someone feels resentment instead of contentment. No matter how well you say it, won't it sound better with kindness?" -- doug smith

I like the theory that says "there is no failure only feedback" that comes from NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming.) There is much truth in that. But, like all truth, it applies and then it doesn't. Context matters. There are mistakes that we can make that we do not learn from because there is no second chance. Some mistakes, life threatening or relationship ending, offer no other chance. So as the sarge used to say at the beginning of every "Hill Street Blues" episode, "let's be careful out there." -- doug smith

To stay clear, stay clear of ambiguity. Say what you mean. Clarify requires constant clarification. -- doug smith

Complete honesty will surprise may people. Be completely honest anyway. -- doug smith

When I was much younger I was so shy that I often would not say what was on my mind. Who am I kidding? I hardly EVER said what was on my mind. I later learned that a) no one could read my mind, and b) I didn't get what I wanted that way. Since then I've been working on speaking assertively. Making the request. Stating the view. Clarifying my perspective. It's a work in progress. We're all a work in progress. Here's how I plan to make more progress: talk about it. There's no point in waiting to say what you mean -- you may not get the chance again. Say what you mean as truly as you can, with kindness. What do you think? -- doug smith

We live at a time defined by our differences. Arguments prevail. Dialogue, once so vibrant, is often disturbed by the percussive discussions of differing views. These differing views could lead to valuable insights, if we were just able and willing to examine our differences. What if we could share our perspectives without judging each other? It could start by opening up, by telling more about who each of us really is inside. Where do the things we say come from? What makes us who we are? Tell your story. Tell your views. Share your perspective. When we can do that with an open mind, any level of communication becomes possible. Who will know who you really are unless you tell them? Talk about it. Then, listen. -- doug smith

When we speak our hearts and minds fully, and also listen deeply with curiosity, we build relationships that otherwise might falter. Talking helps us connect. Conversation can draw us together so that collaborating, cooperating, and working together become easier -- even enjoyable. What could possibly bring us closer than deep unfiltered conversation? Talk about it. -- doug smith

I often ask the question "who do we lie to the most?" and the answer is nearly universal: ourselves. We lie the most to ourselves. What a disservice. What an encumbrance. What a waste. Tell the truth, and start with yourself, Once we can tell the truth to ourselves it's easier to tell it to others. I'm going to work on that. How about you? -- doug smith

Do you like it if someone criticizes your emotions? Or, how about those times when people minimize the emotions going on as unimportant? Judging emotions does not help whatever situation is provoking that emotion. Blaming the person in the middle of an emotion for their emotions is not helpful. It doesn't do any good to criticize anyone's emotions. You can stop that now. It doesn't help you, or the person feeling the emotion. Instead, stay curious. Stay helpful. And mostly, just listen. -- doug smith