doug smith training

I often quote Susan Scott ("Fierce Conversations") who said, "Let silence do the heavy lifting." It's powerfully useful. Those awkward silences are times to think, times to process, times to remain curious. Today I'd like to add this: We rush to fill the silence. We awkwardly walk away. We miss the silent opportunity. It's not a time to hurry, it's a time to remain mindful. Be there. Process. Listen. Our first reactions are often less than optimal. Let your thinking and your emotions percolate. Let them brew. Explore, discover, something that might be new. Silence is too powerful to waste. Use the gift that it brings. -- doug smith

One of my favorite quotes comes from Susan Scott and her essential book, "Fierce Conversations" when she says "let silence do the heavy lifting." So often we are uncomfortable by silence. We feel the need to fill the silence with something, anything. Silence is a valid response. Big work can happen during that silence. Higher quality thinking can be encouraged, nurtured, and born during meaningful, patient silence. I work to be silent when my words would wound another. Instead of blurting out that response, I work on the pause. Silence. Instead of getting even with a better dig, a sarcastic reply, I work on the breathing. The pause. The silence. Pause. See what happens. Let that happen. Breathe. Silence is a valid, useful, rich response. Honor that silence. -- Doug Smith

Do you have regrets? I have some interpersonal regrets that are so raw, so fresh, and so painful that they can immobilize me. I know that things will improve, that I will get beyond these changes, but they beg for examination and learning. Even when we know what we're doing, there's no guarantee that we will do what we know is best. The clearest example is in our conversations. So much is left unsaid. So much is caged and framed in quasi-positive screens in hopes of avoiding confrontation or discomfort. But we need that confrontation. We need to work through that discomfort. Whenever I have, my life has dramatically improved. When ever I have failed to speak both my heart and my mind, my truth at that moment, the result has lingered, faltered, and hurt. As Susan Scott might say, "We're bigger than that." I learned much from reading Susan Scott's books, especially Fierce Conversations, and from seeing her speak. I was even lucky enough to meet her bri...