Skip to main content

Practice Radical Transparency

Do you have regrets?

I have some interpersonal regrets that are so raw, so fresh, and so painful that they can immobilize me. I know that things will improve, that I will get beyond these changes, but they beg for examination and learning.

Even when we know what we're doing, there's no guarantee that we will do what we know is best.

The clearest example is in our conversations. So much is left unsaid. So much is caged and framed in quasi-positive screens in hopes of avoiding confrontation or discomfort. But we need that confrontation. We need to work through that discomfort. Whenever I have, my life has dramatically improved. When ever I have failed to speak both my heart and my mind, my truth at that moment, the result has lingered, faltered, and hurt.

As Susan Scott might say, "We're bigger than that."

I learned much from reading Susan Scott's books, especially Fierce Conversations, and from seeing her speak. I was even lucky enough to meet her briefly after one of her talks. When I applied what I learned from her, my business results improved and my relationships grew deeper and more meaningful. Not universally, but substantially.

When I got sloppy, when I forgot to continue to engage in achieving success one conversation at a time, things began to unravel. I held back what needed to be said. I filtered my intension with confusion and misdirection. It fooled none, especially not my significant other at the time.

My failure to speak my truth courageously and fiercely cost me that relationship. It has been my saddest, most profound loss. I will do anything to help other people avoid that heartache, that loss. Not with a magic wand. Not with therapy (although that helps). But by developing genuine, authentic, transparent conversations.

Say what you need to say, I beg you. Say it truthfully, sincerely, openly, and with compassion. Build on your strengths and develop the ones that are under exercised with the primary purpose of becoming and being the best possible communicator you can be.

No falsehoods. No lies. No deceptions. No unspoken truths kept to yourself because they might expose your uncertainty or confusion. Tell the truth.

I don't often post videos, but this one is powerful and brought tears of recognition to my eyes when Susan Scott reminded me of that powerful quote from Ernest Hemingway (The Sun Also Rises) "How did you go bankrupt? Gradually, then suddenly."

Our inadequate conversations gradually tear away the fabric of our relationships until suddenly, the fabric falls away. The relationship suffers irreconcilable loss. A loss that did not need to be, had we only said what's on our mind.

Here's the video. She starts out a bit slowly but please do watch the whole video. It is powerful in building her case for radical transparency.





-- Doug Smith

What have you learned today?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Surprise!

What have been your major changes?  What magnificent visions have you had that you eventually released? Sometimes, to make room for the next great thing, we need to let go of the less than great wish we're holding onto. What looks like success at one point in our lives because less convincing as it slips away, hides, or becomes impossible. Life goes on. New dreams form. Greatness always welcomes us to new opportunities. If your vision of success changes, that is also success. You are now free to be great (and happy) in another direction. Life goes on; the joy in it is up to you. -- doug smith  

Something Else

We do it frequently -- blame people for what's wrong. And when we blame people for something they did not cause it often makes things worse because now they feel bad about it and maybe even defensive. Even though it feels like people get i the way of perfection, it's usually something else. Fix the process. Fix the rule. Fix the presentation. Fix the product. People are better than we realize, and seldom to blame for service breakdowns. -- doug smith Training Activity Make a list of the three most recent service breakdowns that you have experienced. For each breakdown, score on a scale of 1 - 10 how much of that breakdown was caused by: Process Rules Presentation Product People Now you know where to start fixing things.  

Miracle Service?

  Training is important. Service is a priority. But you just can't train someone to provide great service and satisfy a customer if the product is bad. Maybe for a moment, but not for long can you keep anyone smiling when the product is poking them in the eye. The best customer service rep in the world can't fix a bad product. Once you realize that you're dealing with a bad product there's no reason to be angry with the service rep. They know it's bad, too. They'd fix it if they could. They likely can't. When the product is bad, find a better product. -- doug smith Training Activity What if that assumption is incorrect? What if you really can make things better with superior service, even when the product is broken beyond repair? What would that look like? What would you train your people to say? What would it look like for someone to create such a great relationship with a customer that the product was inconsequential?

Improving

Expecting good people to be perfect is expecting too much but expecting them to constantly improve is reasonable. Expecting everyone to constantly is reasonable.  How can you as a leader make that happen? 1. Tell your people that it (constant improvement) is your expectation. 2. Support your people in their development. Give them the training you know they need AND the training that they ask for. 3. Coach at every opportunity. Check in on their goals. Ask about their progress. Ask how you can help. The good news is the more that you do those three things the more you are also constantly improving. And, there's nothing like walking the talk to get more people improving. -- doug smith  

Follow The Script?

  Have you ever had a conversation with a customer service representative and you could tell that they were simply following a script? How did you feel about that? Sometimes the script works, but usually it doesn't feel human to the customer. As we get more and more responses from actual robots, it's worth considering how much better we can give human responses as humans. Quick Service Do's and Don'ts: Don't just follow a script when you hear it's not working. Don't assume that the customer is wrong. Don't take it personally when the customer gets upset. Don't argue with the customer. Instead, do these: Do listen to understand the customer's needs. Do empathize with the customer. Do collaborate rather than dictate. Do think creatively, even if you need to pause, in order to find better answers. That's not the whole list, of course, but it's a useful place to start. No matter who we're talking to we should always be better than a robot...

Positive Choice

  Yes or no? Certainly not maybe because that takes you nowhere. Yes or no? I don't always get the answer right, but I feel sure about this: yes is better than a guess. Yes gets us moving. Yes opens doors. Yes starts the experiment and learning begins. Yes is better than a guess. And, if you need to guess, guess yes! -- doug smith

Growth

No one does everything. It's not about achieving everything. You don't need to achieve all of your goals everyday, but achieving any of your goals puts you ahead. What goal are you working on today? -- doug smith  

Face Up To It

What;'s the longest you've ever gone without working on a goal that you were sincere about setting? Maybe your intention was true, but your execution was lacking. I don't think there's an absolute rule about this, but this feels right: If you haven't worked on a goal for over a month ask yourself why it's still on your list of goals. Maybe it's not really a goal at all. Just because a goal seems impressive doesn't mean that it's worth working on. Face up to it: do the work, or let it go... -- doug smith   

What's Your Cause

What's your cause? No matter what level of leadership we choose to lead in, our chances of gaining support depend on why we are leading. What's the cause? What's the purpose? What's the intended result? People look for leaders of causes they believe in. What's your cause? -- doug smith  

Bright Spots

We need to know how to improve, so as leaders part of our job is to provide the feedback-for-improvement that our teams need. Specifically, timely, kindly.  It's easy to remember that if not so easy to do. We should also remember to call attention to what is working. Let people know what is great. Share our stories of how the team is excelling. Sharing the bright spots lights the way. The more we see what works, the better we can make it work. What positive bright spot can you share with your team today? -- doug smith