doug smith training

Silence is a powerful communication tool. When leaders can become comfortable with silence they can learn more, understand more, and connect more deeply. We don't always understand silence. The meaning isn't always clear. That's why developing patience with silence can be so helpful. Silence gives people time to think. Silence provides process time. In a noisy world, silence can even restore sense and peace. Honor silence even when you don't understand it. There is meaning there to find. -- doug smith  

How do you feel about the truth? Do you feel the same way about what you tell yourself when you think?  To get to the truth more often, I've learned to start with myself. A question I often ask my classes is "who tells lies?" and the answer, almost always, is "Everyone." Occasionally someone will say that they don't ever tell lies and that's probably a lie. My follow-up question is, "Who do we lie to the most?" And the answer is always "Ourselves." That's unnecessary, isn't it? Who are we going to fool? To get to the truth more often, start by telling yourself the truth, then the truth gets easier.  -- doug smith

As an old six sigma project manager I firmly believe that most problems are caused by broken processes, not broken people. But let's face it, some people not only don't realize that but they refuse to fix the process. If you know a process is broken, and do nothing to change that, the problem gets worse. If you can solve someone's problem but refuse to, you might be the problem. Don't be the problem. Fix the process, even if you need help. Because there are no perfect processes, but there are lots of people avoiding them. -- doug smith  

  Have you ever had a conversation with a customer service representative and you could tell that they were simply following a script? How did you feel about that? Sometimes the script works, but usually it doesn't feel human to the customer. As we get more and more responses from actual robots, it's worth considering how much better we can give human responses as humans. Quick Service Do's and Don'ts: Don't just follow a script when you hear it's not working. Don't assume that the customer is wrong. Don't take it personally when the customer gets upset. Don't argue with the customer. Instead, do these: Do listen to understand the customer's needs. Do empathize with the customer. Do collaborate rather than dictate. Do think creatively, even if you need to pause, in order to find better answers. That's not the whole list, of course, but it's a useful place to start. No matter who we're talking to we should always be better than a robot...

You can send an email and maybe it will get read. Or maybe a text message will get read faster. You could even leave a sticky note on someone's desk in an attempt to reach them... Face it. There is no equivalent substitute for human interaction. If it's really important, talk about it. -- doug smith  

Judge less, listen more. It's not complicated but it's not easy, either. If you work as a judge then go ahead and judge. As for the rest of us, listening works better and longer. -- doug smith

  "You've got to be there. Big decisions are being made!" my former boss told me a long time ago. "If your voice is in the room you might be heard..." It was good advice then and it still is. Show up. When there's a goal you're working on and an opportunity appears to advance that goal -- show up. When changes are being made that will affect you -- show up! When it matters to you -- show up. You won't always get what you want by showing up, but you never will if you don't! -- doug smith

Have you ever avoided feedback? Do you know anyone who avoids feedback? Even when we know we benefit from feedback, we'll do our best to avoid that feedback if it hurts. Unkind critical feedback stings so much that we pull away. As leaders, we can fix that. Take the sting out. Make feedback feel useful and kind. Not by coddling or being polly-annish. Not by being toxically positive. By being accurate, unemotional, and kind. By listening first and sharing feedback second.  Lower the temperature, raise the compassion, increase the frequency, and develop a team with a culture of sharing observations and eventually people will embrace the feedback instead of avoiding it. Feedback is fuel for growth. Feedback is best built with trust. -- doug smith

The most powerful team building tool is talk. Talk with each team member and talk together as a team. Communication is the most powerful skill to practice.  -- doug smith

When was the last time that you said something that you should not have said? I've said the wrong things enough times to nearly always know when I'm saying the wrong things -- which proves there's always more to learn. Like, how to get ahead of the oops; how to avoid saying something embarrassing or offensive. I'll try to pause. I'll take a moment to breathe. I'll do my best to keep my size 13 feet out of my mouth. -- doug smith

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "not so good" and 10 being excellent, how good a listener are you? If you think you are a ten, good for you! You must be very fun to talk with! And if like most of us you are something less than a 10, that's OK, too. We can always learn how to listen better. It is a skill so highly valued and yet so seldom practiced that the opportunity to listen better is limitless. We don't have to follow every voice we hear but we can certainly learn a lot by listening. Let's level-up our listening today. Let's find out what we can learn... -- doug smith  

Is everything a negotiation? Can you make an offer without holding it so close that it locks you in? If everything is a negotiation, then nothing should offend. Make a better offer. -- doug smith

  Have you ever found yourself in a light-hearted conversation and realized that it was becoming profound? Maybe you came up with new ideas. Maybe you collaborated on solving a problem. Talking can lead to great things. Casual conversations create connections that lead to better results. We simply work better when we get along. We don't need to agree - but we do need to connect. -- doug smith

How do you feel about rules that are imposed on you? A new procedure, a different process, some change that feels awkward and unwelcome? Most people hate that sort of thing. That means that when we as leaders seek to make a change it's worth considering how many voices we've allowed into the conversation. Do people feel included? Are they likely to approve of some new restriction? It's harder to follow rules that you didn't approve. The best way to influence that challenge is to give people a voice, and, then listen. -- doug smith 

Do you share any fish stories? You know the idea, the fish you caught gets bigger every time you tell about it. I do not fish but I'm sure I've told some whopper fish stories.  Even though we cannot perfect the past, we sure do try. Intentionally and unintentionally, details change. We remember things differently. We remember the last time we remembered. The original phenomenon swims in a river that no longer exists. Our story is different every time we tell it. We don't need to change that, but we should definitely be aware of it. -- doug smith P.S. Is today's truth better than yesterday's truth? Let's just not lie about it... 

There have been times when I was teaching a program called "Communicating With Tact and Diplomacy" when one or more of the participants would tell me "this is my last chance -- HR sent me here to fix me or I'm gone..." How's that for a challenge? Get fixed or get gone. I very often tell people that I can't fix anyone because people are not broken in places I know how to fix. But, that's not a great thing to say to someone who has their working life on the line. It might sound diplomatic, but it is not helpful, and maybe not entirely true. Entirely true? What even does that mean? Isn't something true or NOT? The point is, we do not need to fix anyone in order to help them fix the way they perform. In my classes I do sometimes help people become more diplomatic -- but that is a start, not an end destination. There is something better than diplomacy and that is compassionate truth. It's harder, it takes more time, it's often easily misunders...

Every conversation contains at least one opportunity.  Getting to know someone, clarifying expectations, resolving conflict, helping achieve a goal...the opportunities are rich with possibility once we recognize them. It's easy to miss that opportunity and waste the time, but when we understand the opportunity and do our best to communicate clearly and effectively, we can enjoy the benefits of those opportunities through productive conversations.  Find the opportunity.  -- doug smith  

Talking with someone about a problem might not solve the problem...but what if it does? And even if it doesn't, now you know more about each other. -- doug smith  P.S. Talking about it is a good start, but eventually you have to do something to solve that problem. Problem solving is an active phenomenon.

  Where does communication start? Before any meaningful message can be shared, before any agreement can be reached, communication starts with connection. Finding a way to share something in common with someone else. Turning toward someone and taking the chance of seeing, hearing, feeling who they are in this moment of time. Communication starts with connection. Connect, and the possibilities are limitless. -- doug smith

What's your story? Have you ever been asked that question? Do you ever ask anyone else, "What's your story? What is the story behind your thinking, your emotions, your point of view?" Everyone has a story. Complicated, jaded, faded, fabricated, exasperated, under-rated...stories that knit together our moments into who we are. We do need to understand our own personal stories because they give us a place to stand, a place to focus, and a face to show the world. We also benefit from understanding, or sometimes it's enough to seek to understand, the stories of others. People we care about as well as people who stand in our way. Understanding other people's stories helps us understand each other.  When we can begin to understand the stories of others then our own stories contain more joy. I'm in favor of that, how about you? -- doug smith