Hard Truths Anyway

image: https://pixabay.com/photos/courage-truth-faith-joy-853466/

There have been times when I was teaching a program called "Communicating With Tact and Diplomacy" when one or more of the participants would tell me "this is my last chance -- HR sent me here to fix me or I'm gone..."

How's that for a challenge? Get fixed or get gone. I very often tell people that I can't fix anyone because people are not broken in places I know how to fix. But, that's not a great thing to say to someone who has their working life on the line. It might sound diplomatic, but it is not helpful, and maybe not entirely true.

Entirely true? What even does that mean? Isn't something true or NOT?

The point is, we do not need to fix anyone in order to help them fix the way they perform.

In my classes I do sometimes help people become more diplomatic -- but that is a start, not an end destination. There is something better than diplomacy and that is compassionate truth. It's harder, it takes more time, it's often easily misunderstood, and it opens the door to conflict. It just happens to be more authentic and carry more integrity.

Here's why:

Diplomacy encourages lies. We soften the "truth" to make it tolerable. Isn't that a lie?

To be both diplomatic and truthful takes more work, ore rapport, more time, and deeper relationships. My favorite relationships are with those people who I am so comfortable with that we can tell each other the absolute truth without taking offense. We might not agree. We might verbally spar a bit. In the process we explore the truth before we declare the truth.

It's hard to tell the truth all of the time. And, if we don't have the foundation of a strong relationship to carry the truth, it could do hard, so diplomacy is sometimes necessary. It't just not the best end destination.

-- doug smith

Comments

Trust Requires Truth

When you catch someone in a lie, how quickly do you trust them again? What if they'd lied to you before, maybe even many times? How much would you trust them then? Trust requires truth. To be trusted you must tell the truth. Not everyone will comply, but if you do -- if you always tell the truth -- you will be greatly trusted. -- doug smith

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Complicated

You could think of it as the ostrich effect - putting your head in the sand to avoid a danger. You can't see it anymore, you don't notice the discomfort, but it's still there and you're still exposed. Overlooking the complexity of a problem does not simplify it -- or solve it. As uncomfortable as it may be, we need to face our problems with courage, deal with them using our creativity, focus on our goals with clarity, and show compassion for anyone effected by our course of action. When problems are complicated we need not hide. It's better to rise. -- doug smith

No Place for Laziness

It's one thing if a team member is unable to do something due to lack of knowledge or skill or resources. It's completely different when they ARE able but are unwilling. Especially if the only thing standing in someone's way is their laziness. It's too much work for them. They don't see the payoff. But, for the rest of the team the payoff is both obvious and necessary. It may take a little work on the part of leadership to move that laziness aside. It could take patience. Persistence. Pressing on. Why not press on by showing that you are NOT too lazy to encourage effort? Why not demonstrate the value -- and the joy -- in the work? Overcoming laziness is work well worth the effort. -- doug smith

Seriously

Have you ever worked so hard on something that it made you miserable? Major goals do take hard work. When we set a goal if we're serious about it we must be ready to work hard to achieve it. But only if it matters. Only if we know that achieving that goal will make us better and happier or perhaps perform a noble good in the world. If a goal doesn't do that -- if a goal doesn't make you happy -- let it go. -- doug smith

Catch the Learning

Goals are important. We should always be working toward meaningful goals. While we're doing that, we sometimes stumble. We even miss or must delay great goals. When we pay attention, we learn valuable lessons from working on our goals, even when we miss. Sometimes the learning is worth more than the goal. Go for the goal, and be sure to catch the learning. -- doug smith

The Real Secret

A few years ago there was a lot of attention on a personal development technique known as "the secret." I'm not here to debunk the secret or throw shade in its direction, because if you've heard about it you've probably already made up your mind. Like many of other methods, if it works for you, enjoy -- and if it doesn't, choose. This is not nearly so lofty a concept I'm about to share, and it's nothing that I've made up. It's been known forever. But just because it's known doesn't mean that it's easy. Just because it's simple doesn't guarantee success. Like anything worth working for, we've got to work for it. The magic ingredient to achieving your goals is discipline. That's it. Whatever your course of action, you've got to put in the work. Whatever great habits will propel you forward, you've got to sustain the discipline to keep doing them. Is that the real secret? You decide. -- doug smith

Emotional Options

What's the strongest emotion for you? What's the one emotion that more often than not seems to run you instead of you running the emotion? If the answer is "none" then good for you, and maybe share how you got there because it sure is hard for most of us. Emotions once activated send all the right chemicals thru our bodies to keep us in that elevated emotional state. When we need that flush of energy it's worth experiencing the rush. When we don't, it gets in the way. We can choose. We have the ability to take emotions out of problem solving if we are willing to. Are you willing to? -- doug smith

Hard Work

Collaborative problem solving makes conflict resolution just and fair. Resolving conflict and solving problems are not the same thing, but they do share much in common and can unify efforts toward better solutions. Work together. Talk about it. Share concerns. Consider (always) the needs of others. It's not magic, it's hard work. -- doug smith

The Best Goals

Goals are not created equally. Some we plow thru because they are necessary or even assigned. But some that we choose challenge us so strongly that we grow no matter what the outcome turns out to be. Some build new skills that we will use forever after. The best goals bring you growth and joy even when you don't achieve them. Select your goals carefully. Feel the joy. -- doug smith

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