Hard Truths Anyway

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There have been times when I was teaching a program called "Communicating With Tact and Diplomacy" when one or more of the participants would tell me "this is my last chance -- HR sent me here to fix me or I'm gone..."

How's that for a challenge? Get fixed or get gone. I very often tell people that I can't fix anyone because people are not broken in places I know how to fix. But, that's not a great thing to say to someone who has their working life on the line. It might sound diplomatic, but it is not helpful, and maybe not entirely true.

Entirely true? What even does that mean? Isn't something true or NOT?

The point is, we do not need to fix anyone in order to help them fix the way they perform.

In my classes I do sometimes help people become more diplomatic -- but that is a start, not an end destination. There is something better than diplomacy and that is compassionate truth. It's harder, it takes more time, it's often easily misunderstood, and it opens the door to conflict. It just happens to be more authentic and carry more integrity.

Here's why:

Diplomacy encourages lies. We soften the "truth" to make it tolerable. Isn't that a lie?

To be both diplomatic and truthful takes more work, ore rapport, more time, and deeper relationships. My favorite relationships are with those people who I am so comfortable with that we can tell each other the absolute truth without taking offense. We might not agree. We might verbally spar a bit. In the process we explore the truth before we declare the truth.

It's hard to tell the truth all of the time. And, if we don't have the foundation of a strong relationship to carry the truth, it could do hard, so diplomacy is sometimes necessary. It't just not the best end destination.

-- doug smith

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