doug smith training

Conflict is not always bad. Sometimes it is necessary. We do get to choose how we approach it. Do we treat the opposition respectfully? Do we include dignity and opportunity as we negotiate? Even when we are uncomfortable with conflict (which is most of the time for many of us) it is only thru conflict that we can resolve issues of inequity. Peace is an excellent first choice, but not always available. Completely avoiding conflict could lead to complete surrender. Don't surrender. Negotiate. -- doug smith 

  What's the longest amount of time you've ever spent trying to solve an unsolvable problem? It could be weeks. It could be months. Maybe even longer. When it has happened to me and I discovered that what I was dealing with was a problem that had to be managed, not solved, I was both furious and relieved. Furious at the time wasted, but relieved because I could stop wasting time on it. It's also possible that while we might conjure up a solution to a problem that is causing us fits we could also discover that the problem doesn't even require a solution. It is, in fact, a situation with differences of opinion. Not a problem, but a conflict. Not every conflict can be resolved, but those that can behave differently than problems. There are differences in the perspective. Differences of opinion among the stakeholders. Different ideas of what an ideal solution should look like. What if the problem doesn't need a solution? What if it needs something else? Unthinkable? Onl...

Every conflict contains its own kernel of peace. It is not easy to find. Maybe it is too obvious. Your opposition may have figured it out and is holding out for an advantage. Or, maybe that's YOU. We get attached to our conflicts. They wrap around us, they addict us in the adrenaline rush of survival. We cover over solutions just to keep the conflict flames flying. But, it's a choice. Find that kernel of peace. Work it. Share it. Solve it. -- doug smith

Peace, conflict or not, peace. We may disagree. We may possess powerfully different agendas. We can talk about it, shout about it, analyze it inside and out. While we do all that, please...peace. We can always choose peace. Peace, conflict or not, peace. -- doug smith

Every argument contains at least one misunderstanding. Why? So often we are in such a hurry to express ourselves that we don't pay attention to what someone else is saying. Or, we confuse style with content. When we find someone's personality abrasive it's easy to disregard anything they have to offer. Right, or wrong. I learned the hard way that none of us ever has the complete picture. Even when our opinion is correct, it is incomplete. Until we see a more complete picture (we may never know all of the details) we would do well to stay curious.  Every argument starts with misunderstandings, and usually stays there. What if we dug deeper? What if we did stay curious? What if we're wrong - how will we know unless we listen? -- doug smith

Start with common ground to tame the mountain of conflict in front of you. The trail may be long, but it is certain. -- doug smith

What makes you angry? Do you ever feel anger and wonder where it came from? Sometimes I've noticed that anger appears out of scale with the thing that seemed to trigger it. Maybe it's an accumulation of aggravations. Maybe it's a sustained patience that has become unsustainable. Maybe it's a lifetime of little disappointments. The anger boils, flairs, and erupts. At that point it can be highly unhealthy. We lash out. We shout. We blame. We break things. Humans can be so sloppy sometimes. We lose our center and our balance lists like a ship in a storm. Our storm of anger rocks our world. Maybe you haven't experienced this, and if not, maybe you've seen it in other people. It can scare. Where the anger heads though isn't always where it belongs. Fall-out occurs. Innocent feelings and people are hurt. The targets of our anger are seldom the cause of our anger. We punish the wrong people. We overreact to minor disagreements propelled by the build u...