doug smith training

  Everything is open to interpretation. To dispute this is an interpretation. It is, therefore, indisputable. Or is it? Stay curious. Let's see what happens. -- doug smith

How do you resolve a conflict? It's not a trick question. It is a tough question. And, in the end, some conflicts can only be managed until something gives -- we gain understanding, or our opponent gains understanding, or the cause of the conflict becomes irrelevant. Most conflict, though, seems to fall into the win/lose trap until we can skillfully pull it out into mutually shared understanding. Until we can find an outcome that is good for everyone -- what Fisher  & Urie call in "Getting to Yes" mutually beneficial outcomes.  Conflicts don't end without an agreement. As long as there is any shred of loss, the conflict continues. Even if what we imagine is the enemy is completely wiped from the face of the Earth, the source of that enemy remains and will re-appear somewhere down the road. Find the space for agreement. Find the mutually beneficial outcome. Work on what will matter most to everyone concerned: a truly fair resolution. -- doug smith  

Conflict isn't all bad, but it sure feels that way sometimes. That's because some conflict IS bad, very bad indeed and causes harm. Leaders need to be able to navigate conflict and evaluate when the conflict is beyond merit and only causing harm. The more you feed that type of conflict the more it will consume. The side effects take over and drown out the very issue that caused the conflict to begin with. It could have been a natural issue. It could have been a reasonable disagreement. It could have been a struggle for a better way -- and still somehow become entangled in malice. Conflict may come naturally but it doesn't have to leave satisfied. Manage the conflict for the resolution desired, not for the sake of the conflict itself. -- doug smith