doug smith training

Can you remember the last time you said something that you regret? Did it result in embarrassment? Maybe even an apology? It's certainly happened to me. It's even possible to say something that no amount of regret or apology can erase -- or even diminish. In other words, the harm is permanent and severe. Oh, if there was only a way to avoid that... There is. It's simple, but not easy. Simply pause. Before saying that "wonderfully outrageous" thing or "brilliantly sarcastic" comment pause long enough to take a few breaths. Embrace silence. A moment of silence can prevent a lifetime of regret.  If you need to, you can always say that incendiary thing in the future. But, you probably won't need to, and you'll be glad that you let the moment pass. -- doug smith

Sometimes I talk too much. Have you ever said anything that you regret? If you're telling the truth, I'm going to guess "yes." Leaders do that sometimes. And, while we owe it to our teams to speak up and express ourselves clearly, there are times when silence is better. Silence is better when the words you are about to speak are better spoken by someone else. Silence is better when the opportunity is for the team to learn from their own words and actions. Silence is better when the words we are about to say are in anger. How can we know the difference? When do we need to speak up and when do we need to shut up? Try this: pause for three seconds and at least one deep breath (more if you can.) Your answer may appear in that silence. -- doug smith

Silence in your anger gives it time to heal. -- doug smith

I often quote Susan Scott ("Fierce Conversations") who said, "Let silence do the heavy lifting." It's powerfully useful. Those awkward silences are times to think, times to process, times to remain curious. Today I'd like to add this: We rush to fill the silence. We awkwardly walk away. We miss the silent opportunity. It's not a time to hurry, it's a time to remain mindful. Be there. Process. Listen. Our first reactions are often less than optimal. Let your thinking and your emotions percolate. Let them brew. Explore, discover, something that might be new. Silence is too powerful to waste. Use the gift that it brings. -- doug smith

One of my favorite quotes comes from Susan Scott and her essential book, "Fierce Conversations" when she says "let silence do the heavy lifting." So often we are uncomfortable by silence. We feel the need to fill the silence with something, anything. Silence is a valid response. Big work can happen during that silence. Higher quality thinking can be encouraged, nurtured, and born during meaningful, patient silence. I work to be silent when my words would wound another. Instead of blurting out that response, I work on the pause. Silence. Instead of getting even with a better dig, a sarcastic reply, I work on the breathing. The pause. The silence. Pause. See what happens. Let that happen. Breathe. Silence is a valid, useful, rich response. Honor that silence. -- Doug Smith