Find a Better Way to Ask

Sometimes the answer is no, and we don't like the answer. We could give up. Oh well. Or -- we could ask a different way. Maybe our expectations were not clear. Maybe our intensity was not clear.

Get clear. Stay persistent.

Not all the time -- it still makes sense to remain open, curious, and able to be influenced. But when you've got to have what you've got to have, and you are struggling to get it -- try a different way.

Some suggestions:

- find the value in what you want from the other person's point of view
- show how NOT getting what you want impacts the other person negatively
- ask in a different way
- add humor (gently)
- use analogies ("On a scale of 1 to 10, this is a solid 10 for me!)
- find the mutually beneficial outcome. It could be something different.

There are always more possibilities. How do you know there are still possibilities? If you haven't gotten something you like yet.

What ideas do you have?

-- doug smith

Comments

Constructive Feedback

Wouldn't it be nice if the only feedback we got was all positive? Our self-esteem would be so happy. Our confidence would be flying high. Work would be wonderful! The problem is, the mistakes we make, the opportunities we miss, the offenses we offer would go unchecked leading to - gulp - worse performance. Yes, we love the positive feedback. I can run a week on one "good job!" We also really need the constructive comments. Ready or not, we can always improve. Asking only for positive feedback sounds comforting but it's wrong. We need to ask for feedback and handle it, positive or not. If we do not receive any constructive feedback, as high performance leaders we owe it to ourselves and our teams to ask for it. It's also true when it comes to delivering feedback. Our constructive feedback for others may make them uncomfortable. Our observations of behavior may run counter to their self-evaluation. As leaders, we owe it to people to help them improve, to lead them t

Master Something...

Are you good at everything? Me, either. The list of people who are good at everything is short. That's OK. You don't need to master everything, but you DO need to master something. What are you working on to master these days? -- doug smith

About Your Attitude

How is your attitude today? I'm sure that you've already encountered someone with a healthy attitude and also someone with a less than healthy attitude -- and how has that affected you? There are more things in this life out of our control than there are things IN our control, but attitude fits right there within your own control. Not what other people express in their voice, tone, and body language, but what YOU do control in your thinking, interpretation, response, speaking, and actions. You are the number one specialist for your own attitude and it shows. Treat your attitude well, love it fully, nature it daily, and let it shine. It just might upgrade the attitude of those around you, too. -- doug smith

Paying Attention

How you grow is up to you, but you can learn a lot from how others have already grown. You can skip many of the same mistakes. You can build where they have established a foundation. You can grow by developing similar healthy habits. Growth never needs to stop. How are you growing today? -- doug smith

Your Powerful Attitude

You are the number one specialist for your own attitude. Treat it well, love it fully, let it shine. Even when others try to disrupt or destroy your attitude, it is still within your control. How powerful is this? Sometimes it makes all the difference between misery and happiness. Why not choose happiness? -- doug smith

Now

One brilliant, fabulous, wonderful moment: now. -- doug smith

No disrespect?

Give disrespect the attention it deserves: none. That does not mean that you accept abuse, illegal, or unethical behavior. It just means that disrespect does not earn respect. I advocate starting from a position of respect. We do well to respect everyone from the start. Respect people in the way we greet them, treat them, and (when in competition) beat them. When someone does not return that respect, or when they begin from a place of disrespect, we don't have to get angry, but we do have to get active. Often the fastest way to get active when confronted with disrespect is to disappear. Leave. Stop honoring that person with your presence if their only goal is to do you harm. Leaving isn't always possible or recommended when you or others are in danger. Then, opposition to that disrespect may be necessary. Not to create harm or revenge, but to create safety and honor. Is that easy? Oh, no. You already know that. Is it necessary? More than ever. How do we do it? By beginning --

Not too short

We like things short. To the point. Skip the filler. Brief is good, but sometimes deep is necessary. Deep takes longer at first, but eventually produces more -- when it's needed. -- doug smith

Video: Marshall Goldsmith and Feed Forward

From Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, Executive Coach, comes this is a great way to share fast, low risk coaching with a number of people. The three steps are simple and easy: Write down an area you'd like to improve that would have a big impact for you Ask for 2 positive suggestions for the future that would help with that area Repeat getting positive suggestions from others in the group There are two simple roles for the process: No talking about the past No judging or critiquing ideas Here's Dr. Goldsmith describing the process in one of his highly useful videos: I found this article and video from one of my favorite sources of leadership advice, GetLighthouse.com, here .

How to compliment someone...

Do you want to really compliment someone and make them feel truly valued, really respected? Giving someone your complete attention is the best, most sincere compliment. You'll feel great, and they will remember it a long time. -- doug smith

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