Questions about Advice

Do you like to give advice?

I don't know how many times people have asked me for advice and in return I just let them hear what I had to say about what I thought they wanted to know. That has two big problems:

Maybe I haven't really understood their issue, and
Maybe they aren't really ready for advice until they've thought it through

By asking questions, I can learn more about their situation to find out if I even have advice worth sharing on that situation. Sometimes, they have all they need to solve the problem by themselves.

Also, by asking questions and letting them think through the situation in greater detail, they can tell that I'm not just going to pull out a stock answer -- and the answer will come from our dialogue together, not some ready-supply of world wisdom. I'm smart, but I can't solve everyone's problem.

How about this -- do you like to get advice?

Asking for advice (without paying for it) can be an imposition. It can also be rude. It can also be risky because once you ask for advice whoever provides that advice will expect you to follow it.

Before I ask for advice now, I ask questions to explore whether my inquiries are both welcome and useful for both of us. I'm more interested in collaborating solutions than consuming them.

Or, how about this -- does anyone ever offer you advice you didn't ask for?

That's always fun isn't it -- or not! When that happens I've learned to ask questions to find out why they think I need or want that advice. Maybe I do and I just don't realize it yet. Or, maybe I don't and any advice will get in the way of a plan already in place. Once again, I'd rather collaborate than consume.

When in doubt, when put out, when you feel about to shout -- ask questions.

Ask questions before giving advice and ask questions before taking it.

The right questions can save you hours of aggravation and misunderstanding.

-- doug smith

Comments

Keep your choices open

Have you ever felt like a prisoner to your own emotions? The feelings can be so strong that they flood your being with an almost paralysis. I have found myself wandering away from a situation because my emotions were pushing so hard, even though a better choice would have been to stay, get those emotions under control, breathe, and choose. Once a bad emotion has sent you its warning, it's best to send it on its way. Emotions can drive us, but don't need to. Feel it, pause, and step away. Keep all of your choices open. -- doug smith

Move Ahead

There are so many parts of my past that I would love to fix. Thinking about them doesn't help and won't fix them. The best I can do is to reflect on the lessons learned and do better next time. How about you? If we could fix the last we'd break it in brand new ways. The price of being imperfect is a glorious one: constant learning. That's not so bad after all. -- doug smith

Collaborate

Working together is not over-rated. Even the sharpest of minds miss some important details. Even the strongest of leaders needs a team to lead. Truly collaborating means accepting that sometimes your point of view is flawed, and is almost always incomplete. Staying open to the ideas of others, while working in the same direction on a unified mission, creates a path for success. The art of leadership benefits from collaboration. -- doug smith

Team Talk

The most powerful team building tool is talk. Talk with each team member and talk together as a team. Communication is the most powerful skill to practice. -- doug smith

Maybe Start With A Smile...

How do you react when you meet someone new? They're not new to the world, of course, just to you but that's new enough, isn't it? What if they disagree with you? What if you're on different sides of an issue? What if you don't know? People desire respect. When respect is lacking, we know it right away, don't we? And when we withhold our own respect it stands to reason that others know that right away, too. But if we start with respect -- if we start with the idea that every person we meet has value -- it becomes easier to interact meaningfully and maybe even share common ground. When we connect with respect we dramatically increase our chances of communicating effectively. I'll do my best to practice that today -- how about you? -- doug smith

Positive Solutions

Problems need not prevent positive outcomes. It's what we do with them that matters. -- doug smith

Multiple Solutions

That extra tough problem might need multiple solutions -- in fact, its probably does. -- doug smith

Start With What You've Got

Most leaders can think of team members they'd love to have on their team, but don't. New skill sets, balanced personalities, brilliant innovations...anything more than what we have to begin with. But, what we have to begin with is where we need to begin. A team is build from the pieces you have to start with, not the pieces you wish you had. That's good news because: now you are ready to go. -- doug smith

A Leader's Reputation

What leaders get done is their record; how they get things done becomes their reputation. -- doug smith

Get Back Up

Mourn a loss a little while but not so long that you miss the next opportunity. -- doug smith

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