Questions about Advice

Do you like to give advice?

I don't know how many times people have asked me for advice and in return I just let them hear what I had to say about what I thought they wanted to know. That has two big problems:

Maybe I haven't really understood their issue, and
Maybe they aren't really ready for advice until they've thought it through

By asking questions, I can learn more about their situation to find out if I even have advice worth sharing on that situation. Sometimes, they have all they need to solve the problem by themselves.

Also, by asking questions and letting them think through the situation in greater detail, they can tell that I'm not just going to pull out a stock answer -- and the answer will come from our dialogue together, not some ready-supply of world wisdom. I'm smart, but I can't solve everyone's problem.

How about this -- do you like to get advice?

Asking for advice (without paying for it) can be an imposition. It can also be rude. It can also be risky because once you ask for advice whoever provides that advice will expect you to follow it.

Before I ask for advice now, I ask questions to explore whether my inquiries are both welcome and useful for both of us. I'm more interested in collaborating solutions than consuming them.

Or, how about this -- does anyone ever offer you advice you didn't ask for?

That's always fun isn't it -- or not! When that happens I've learned to ask questions to find out why they think I need or want that advice. Maybe I do and I just don't realize it yet. Or, maybe I don't and any advice will get in the way of a plan already in place. Once again, I'd rather collaborate than consume.

When in doubt, when put out, when you feel about to shout -- ask questions.

Ask questions before giving advice and ask questions before taking it.

The right questions can save you hours of aggravation and misunderstanding.

-- doug smith

Comments

Build and Connect

The world is full of "buts" in search of more "ands." In improv. In leadership. In life. Let go of the fear and build on what's here. -- doug smith

Better Feedback

The trouble with feedback is that we don't want it, or if we do we don't know how to give it, and don't know when to start or stop it. Ah, but what if we did? What if we could build a high-feedback culture where people were open to feedback and knew how to put it to immediate use? We can. It takes practice. It takes experience. It takes caring about how we do feedback and who we share it with. Here's one thing you can change immediately that will dramatically improve the feedback frequency on your team: ask for advice more often...and then really listen. Don't even call it feedback. Ask for advice and not only will everyone have some, once you show that you're open to it, they'll ask for advice in return. What's your best tip on giving and receiving feedback? -- doug smith

Are We Perfect Yet?

I've said it often and it is still true: there are no perfect people, there are no perfect processes, and there are no perfect products. Nothing in this life is perfect. In a way, isn't that perfect? It means that it is completely up to us to make things better. It is within our need to improve processes, to develop people, to create new products. If we don't do it, who will? That means we might need to overcome our ego's need to feel perfect by examining exactly where we stand. How are we doing? What does the feedback say? Where are we on this road of improvement? Critical thinking requires some self-evaluation. Not to hurt our feelings, but to develop our capacity. Are we perfect yet? Of course not, but it's ever so much fun to be on the road headed in that direction. -- doug smith

Think It Through and Ask About it, too

The best leaders solve more problems than they cause. That may be more obvious than common. I've kept a journal for most of my life. In that series of journals are accounts of decisions made by leaders often without consulting the constituents they involve, usually with a sense of urgency that distorts all common sense. Lives disrupted, business interrupted, customers stranded -- all in the name of profit and expediency. Of course profit is necessary. Naturally, we share a sense of urgency to get things done before everything changes. But it is ever so easy to cause more problems than we solve if we don't stop to think them thru. Do the proper analysis. Create mutually beneficial solutions. Engage everyone involved. I never met a leader who wanted to be remembered as terrible, but I sure have met plenty who are. -- doug smith

Better Traditions

It's easy to tear down the past and wreck the present. It does not take much thought to condemn what seems to be ill-suited for our present needs. We might even take glee in crushing part of our past. But before we do, we should ask a question or two. What if we improved our traditions instead of destroying them? What if that's a better solution? -- doug smith

Pause First

Falling behind might not mean catching up. It could also reveal change and opportunity. Would you rather chase, or lead? Has one moment or movement gone leaving room for something new? Don't let a treadmill turn into a dread mill. Haul that rock up the hill if it is part of your future, not just because it was part of your past. -- doug smith

Wrong Is Wrong

There may be more than one right way to do something but that does not make the wrong way right. -- doug smith

In Search of the right steps...

Three step processes. Four step processes. Seven step processes. Even more. A problem is a dynamic in search of a dance. Follow the science, of course, but also find the dance. -- doug smith

Practice

If practice was easy we wouldn't need it. -- doug smith

Centered Selves

When we are off center it impacts our results. Our solutions will seem off-center as long as we are. In order to lead, to coach, and to guide our teams need the confidence of knowing that we have a sense of balance, a grounded approach. Let's start by centering ourselves. Restoring confidence. Maintaining balance. Grounding ourselves in the values we drive and live by. Centered problem solving requires centered selves. -- doug smith

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