Questions about Advice

Do you like to give advice?

I don't know how many times people have asked me for advice and in return I just let them hear what I had to say about what I thought they wanted to know. That has two big problems:

Maybe I haven't really understood their issue, and
Maybe they aren't really ready for advice until they've thought it through

By asking questions, I can learn more about their situation to find out if I even have advice worth sharing on that situation. Sometimes, they have all they need to solve the problem by themselves.

Also, by asking questions and letting them think through the situation in greater detail, they can tell that I'm not just going to pull out a stock answer -- and the answer will come from our dialogue together, not some ready-supply of world wisdom. I'm smart, but I can't solve everyone's problem.

How about this -- do you like to get advice?

Asking for advice (without paying for it) can be an imposition. It can also be rude. It can also be risky because once you ask for advice whoever provides that advice will expect you to follow it.

Before I ask for advice now, I ask questions to explore whether my inquiries are both welcome and useful for both of us. I'm more interested in collaborating solutions than consuming them.

Or, how about this -- does anyone ever offer you advice you didn't ask for?

That's always fun isn't it -- or not! When that happens I've learned to ask questions to find out why they think I need or want that advice. Maybe I do and I just don't realize it yet. Or, maybe I don't and any advice will get in the way of a plan already in place. Once again, I'd rather collaborate than consume.

When in doubt, when put out, when you feel about to shout -- ask questions.

Ask questions before giving advice and ask questions before taking it.

The right questions can save you hours of aggravation and misunderstanding.

-- doug smith

Comments

More Than Potential

"She's filled with potential!" "There's no limit to his potential!" "They're nothing but unlimited potential!" It's both promising and frightening to be described as someone who is filled with potential. It means that a) the potential is still unfulfilled, and b) may NEVER be fulfilled. Still, aren't we ALL filled with potential. No matter what we have accomplished or failed to accomplish there is more ahead of us to be done. Potential might get you started. It might open a door or two. Potential will take you only as far as your discipline drives you onward. Whatever you're capable of still requires your action. What are you working on that is potentially awesome? -- doug smith

Practice Re-centering

It's fairly easy to get pushed off-center, which makes regular practice at re-centering essential. How do you re-center? What's your favorite way to get back on track, calm your inner wildness and focus? Deep breathes? Meditation? Long walks? Quiet focused attention? Whatever works, do that. Why not practice right now? -- doug smith

Continue The Search

What happens when you've found what you've been looking for? If it was difficult, if you worked hard, if there were some challenges along the way you will likely be grateful and satisfied. How long will that satisfaction last? We are meant to be happy. We are meant to be fulfilled. But, we're not meant to stand still. Find what you're looking for and then keep looking. Growth is always ahead of you. -- doug smith

Avoiding Crankiness

How do you feel about being cranky? Probably, cranky. It just leads to more crankiness. Yuck. We're better than that and our companies and organizations can be better than that, too. It's never to much to ask (and expect) us to: Keep our promises Provide excellent service Make customer transactions easy Smile Solve problems cheerfully Great service creates happiness. Bad service pushes crankiness. When service is poor, customers are cranky creating a cycle of needless agitation. We can skip all that. Let's just provide excellence services. -- doug smith

Leveraging Shared Problems

As frustrating as it is, some people don't care about your problem until you make it their problem, too. But you don't have to manipulate them into it. Talk about it. Share your concerns. Find the connections and you'll also find their investment. Once they are in, collaboration is far more likely. -- doug smith

Consider The Impact

Has anyone ever solved a problem in a way that made things worse for you? Changes in job sites, changes in processes, software updates, family squabbles...with good intentions people rush solutions into play that seem to work for some, and yet badly disappoint others. We can do better than that. Think thru those solutions before launching that change. Get help from as many people as possible who will be impacted by that change. Until you consider the impact of your problem's solution on other people you haven't really considered that solution enough. -- doug smith

Gain That Personal Input

Do you like it when other people make decisions for you? Me, either -- and neither do the people on your team. That's all the more true about decisions that become, or feel like, rules. Our inner rebel will rise. A rule we didn't make seems much easier to break. If you want your team to keep certain rules, first find out how they feel about those rules. -- doug smith

Calm

A technician may criticize your technique but never your heart, never your intention, never your joy. Hear the feedback from your own place of calm. -- doug smith

Your Best

When are you at your best? It's probably not when things are the easiest. It could be when you are wrestling with a problem and use your skills and talents to forge a fabulous solution. Problems give you the platform to promote your best you. Faced with a problem, give it your best. -- doug smith

Better Still

I don't like rejection, yet it's a part of life. I don't like it when people don't support a project that I'm working on, and still there are usually people who don't see the value in a new change. How about you? We could take that personally and stop doing the thing that matters so much to us -- or we could do something else. We could improve that thing. We could make that thing shine. We could make that thing irresistible. We could use that feedback to find new ways to achieve our goal. "They" as we so often like to call "them" don't know what's best for you -- and still they can be seriously helpful. When they tear down your plans, build something better. Won't that feel great? -- doug smith

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