Questions about Advice

Do you like to give advice?

I don't know how many times people have asked me for advice and in return I just let them hear what I had to say about what I thought they wanted to know. That has two big problems:

Maybe I haven't really understood their issue, and
Maybe they aren't really ready for advice until they've thought it through

By asking questions, I can learn more about their situation to find out if I even have advice worth sharing on that situation. Sometimes, they have all they need to solve the problem by themselves.

Also, by asking questions and letting them think through the situation in greater detail, they can tell that I'm not just going to pull out a stock answer -- and the answer will come from our dialogue together, not some ready-supply of world wisdom. I'm smart, but I can't solve everyone's problem.

How about this -- do you like to get advice?

Asking for advice (without paying for it) can be an imposition. It can also be rude. It can also be risky because once you ask for advice whoever provides that advice will expect you to follow it.

Before I ask for advice now, I ask questions to explore whether my inquiries are both welcome and useful for both of us. I'm more interested in collaborating solutions than consuming them.

Or, how about this -- does anyone ever offer you advice you didn't ask for?

That's always fun isn't it -- or not! When that happens I've learned to ask questions to find out why they think I need or want that advice. Maybe I do and I just don't realize it yet. Or, maybe I don't and any advice will get in the way of a plan already in place. Once again, I'd rather collaborate than consume.

When in doubt, when put out, when you feel about to shout -- ask questions.

Ask questions before giving advice and ask questions before taking it.

The right questions can save you hours of aggravation and misunderstanding.

-- doug smith

Comments

Sizing Our Influence

Our influence is usually smaller than we want it to be but greater than we realize. That's a good thing because humility helps our influence grow. -- doug smith

Acceptance vs. Endorsement

Accepting a truth does not mean endorsing it. Sometimes it really is what it is. Until you change it. -- doug smith

Connections

It's in our differences that connections are made. -- doug smith

Some of What It Takes

Leadership is hard. Challenges peck away at us, demanding response. I don't have all of the answers (who does?) but this might help a little. A little advice to myself that I am happy to share. It takes clarity to know where you are going, creativity to inspire new ways to get there, compassion to help those who are in you way, and courage to stay the course even in the face of opposition. Which of those strengths do you excel in the most? What's your secret to leadership success? -- doug smith

Portable

Leadership, no matter how much it is intended to be permanent, is temporary. A day comes when the direction changes, the dance shifts, and the once stable boss is lost. Lost in direction, lost in relevance, lost in the times. What if we kept our leadership portable? Leadership could be fluid, flexible, and responsive as it remains centered. As circumstances change, our leadership must flow with it while finding the strength of a foundation without the chains of stagnation. That's not easy but it's part of the art of leadership. Partly science, partly art, leadership requires us to know when it's time to stand and know when it's time to flow, and yes even know when it's time to go. Portable is more powerful than authority if authority is not portable. We don't need to ask for change in order for change to change us. -- doug smith

Shake It Up

Inspiration has its own time table, but sometimes we have to shake up the clock. Maybe instead of waiting for inspiration we should meet it halfway. How else will it ever find you? -- doug smith

Disappointment

How do you handle disappointment? Things don't always go the way we want them to. Maybe that date didn't turn out like you planned. Maybe the team missed a deadline on that important project. Or, maybe you said something you later regretted. There was a time when I would get stuck in my disappointment. It would turn into a binding, cringing loop of doom, waiting to repeat again and again. Not fun. Perspective helps. In the big scheme of things, how important will this be a year from now? Five years from now? Some disappointments could last that long, but seriously, most do not. Feel it, let it go, get over it. Disappointment simply proves that we can always make things better. And to make things better, let's move forward. -- doug smith

On Sarcasm

Many people sense a natural gift for sarcasm. A funny remark at someone else's expense might make you laugh, but what about the person the humors is directed toward. To say afterwards "it's just a joke" misses the obvious -- there is an element of truth inside that joke or at least an element of intention. I know that I am overly sensitive about sarcasm and I know that many people find it funny. If it bothers me, though, I expect that it bothers other people, too. Even when we get the joke, we do not think it funny. It's worth asking yourself before that joke emerges floating on mean spirits with the wit whether or not sarcasm is your best choice. And when someone uses sarcasm on you, it's worth being bold enough to ask them. "Is sarcasm your best choice right now?" Because they can do better. We can all do better. But, sarcasm does not help. -- doug smith

Right Now

Here we are. Whatever is in front of us. Whatever challenge we ponder. Now is the time. Every moment makes a difference, especially this one. -- doug smith

Instincts?

Many leaders like to rely on their instincts. It's easy. It feels right. With enough experience, sometimes those instincts are spot on. But not always. If you want to trust an instinct make sure that you now and can trust the source of that instinct. Is it real? Is it relevant? Is it recent? Feelings are great, but show me the data every time. -- doug smith

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