Questions about Advice

Do you like to give advice?

I don't know how many times people have asked me for advice and in return I just let them hear what I had to say about what I thought they wanted to know. That has two big problems:

Maybe I haven't really understood their issue, and
Maybe they aren't really ready for advice until they've thought it through

By asking questions, I can learn more about their situation to find out if I even have advice worth sharing on that situation. Sometimes, they have all they need to solve the problem by themselves.

Also, by asking questions and letting them think through the situation in greater detail, they can tell that I'm not just going to pull out a stock answer -- and the answer will come from our dialogue together, not some ready-supply of world wisdom. I'm smart, but I can't solve everyone's problem.

How about this -- do you like to get advice?

Asking for advice (without paying for it) can be an imposition. It can also be rude. It can also be risky because once you ask for advice whoever provides that advice will expect you to follow it.

Before I ask for advice now, I ask questions to explore whether my inquiries are both welcome and useful for both of us. I'm more interested in collaborating solutions than consuming them.

Or, how about this -- does anyone ever offer you advice you didn't ask for?

That's always fun isn't it -- or not! When that happens I've learned to ask questions to find out why they think I need or want that advice. Maybe I do and I just don't realize it yet. Or, maybe I don't and any advice will get in the way of a plan already in place. Once again, I'd rather collaborate than consume.

When in doubt, when put out, when you feel about to shout -- ask questions.

Ask questions before giving advice and ask questions before taking it.

The right questions can save you hours of aggravation and misunderstanding.

-- doug smith

Comments

The Right People

Who do you get to help you solve your problem? You, of course, that's a given. Also, people who will be impacted by any solution you try. People who are feeling the effects of the problem right now. Even (especially) people who you think may be at the root cause of the problem. Get the benefit of many ideas. Enlist the help of people who will care how it turns out. Collaborate to gain commitment. Engage the right people in creating problem solutions so that they don't become the wrong people while implementing them. -- doug smith

More, please

How many solutions does your problem need? Sometimes the answer is just one more. It could also be that your problem needs twenty more before you find the one that sticks. Finding solutions is the fun part anyway so just keep going. Create more solutions to a problem than you need in order to find one that works. -- doug smith

In Front

Problems bring pain. Maybe it's physical, or emotional, or logistical-- as long as the problem is there, so is that pain. When we solve the problems in front of us we can put the pain behind us. -- doug smith

Only Goals That Matter

We're all busy. No one can do everything. Creating meaningful goals matters in order to use our time and resources responsibly. Even when the intention is good, a bad goal is a burden. Unless the goal is important, is is worse than unimportant, it is a distraction. You don't need more distractions, do you? -- doug smith

Shortcut

Your goals matter to other people when other people matter to you. -- doug smith

Healthy Goal Focused Habits

Successful goals are supported by productive habits. Some productive goal-achieving habits include: Working on your goal everyday Scheduling time to work on your goal Breaking your goal down into smaller, easily achieved tasks Telling other people about your goal What other productive habits do you use? -- doug smith

An Important Pause

We're all in a hurry. Urgency is a way of life. When we're working on a problem it feels as if the faster we solve it the better. But, have you ever solved a problem only to shortly discover that you haven't solved it at all? New complications arise. Surprises confound you. The problem roars back. The worry creates the hurry. The rush is not enough. Better to find the actual cause of the problem and face that issue. Taking time to analyze a problem will save time in solving it. And that saves time overall. That pause you take may be more important than you thought. -- doug smith

Better Results

We do get to choose. It's as easy to be positive as it is to be negative and the results are much more pleasing. What's your choice? -- doug smith

It's Not The Volume

It's so tempting to get louder when your words aren't delivering the results that you want. I've done it. Raising the volume feels like action, it's more of a reaction. Emotions are so powerful that they can make us forget what we're thinking. Emotions are also contagious, and that extra volume invites a loud response. If you've ever been in an argument where you're shouting at each other, you know how ineffective that is. Saying something louder does not make it more true. Winning leaders manage their emotions. They check their thinking to see if it aligns with their goals. It could be easier to meet someone halfway than to pull them all the way to your way of thinking. That doesn't mean we need to compromise every time -- but we do need to show that we're willing to consider someone else's point of view. And then, that we do understand that point of view. Louder is seldom better. (Unless you're playing guitar, then loud could be good...) -...

Likability

Think about the most likable person you know. It's probably someone who makes you smile, who cheers you up, who says positive things during an otherwise tough day. The most likable person you know is friendly. They treat people with kindness. They do their job without complaining, completely and competently. They clean up after themselves and sometimes even for other people without being asked. The most likable person around just seems to make everything better. Could that be you? You're the most likable person you know if that's what you decide to be. Try it for a day -- you might like it. -- doug smith

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