Questions about Advice

Do you like to give advice?

I don't know how many times people have asked me for advice and in return I just let them hear what I had to say about what I thought they wanted to know. That has two big problems:

Maybe I haven't really understood their issue, and
Maybe they aren't really ready for advice until they've thought it through

By asking questions, I can learn more about their situation to find out if I even have advice worth sharing on that situation. Sometimes, they have all they need to solve the problem by themselves.

Also, by asking questions and letting them think through the situation in greater detail, they can tell that I'm not just going to pull out a stock answer -- and the answer will come from our dialogue together, not some ready-supply of world wisdom. I'm smart, but I can't solve everyone's problem.

How about this -- do you like to get advice?

Asking for advice (without paying for it) can be an imposition. It can also be rude. It can also be risky because once you ask for advice whoever provides that advice will expect you to follow it.

Before I ask for advice now, I ask questions to explore whether my inquiries are both welcome and useful for both of us. I'm more interested in collaborating solutions than consuming them.

Or, how about this -- does anyone ever offer you advice you didn't ask for?

That's always fun isn't it -- or not! When that happens I've learned to ask questions to find out why they think I need or want that advice. Maybe I do and I just don't realize it yet. Or, maybe I don't and any advice will get in the way of a plan already in place. Once again, I'd rather collaborate than consume.

When in doubt, when put out, when you feel about to shout -- ask questions.

Ask questions before giving advice and ask questions before taking it.

The right questions can save you hours of aggravation and misunderstanding.

-- doug smith

Comments

Build and Connect

The world is full of "buts" in search of more "ands." In improv. In leadership. In life. Let go of the fear and build on what's here. -- doug smith

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Our influence is usually smaller than we want it to be but greater than we realize. That's a good thing because humility helps our influence grow. -- doug smith

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Accepting a truth does not mean endorsing it. Sometimes it really is what it is. Until you change it. -- doug smith

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It is challenging to be a perfectionist. Continuous improvement is noble and necessary. Perfect is impossible. I picture myself, as John Wesley said, on the road to perfection and never quite there. Imperfection is a condition, not a punishment. We all make mistakes. Let's just fix them. -- doug smith

Diplomatic Strategy

I'd like to follow Abraham Lincoln's approach of turning enemies into friends. That wasn't easy for him and clearly did not always work. It doesn't always work for me, either. If someone is determined to remain your enemy it is tough to change their minds. Difficult, but not impossible. The temptation is to chase them away, or to run quietly in the opposite direction and hope that it works out on its own. It seldom works out on its own. If you chase your enemy away you won't know what they're up to. Keep the conversation going. Find out what their goal is. Look for common ground. Hey, I know that is not easy. But, how well has the alternative worked so far? And how how far can you run before your enemy finds you? -- doug smith

Be Careful of Your Measures

Peter Drucker once said "what gets measured gets done" and there is much truth to that. Point people in the direction you want and they will do their best to get there. Just make sure, very sure, that you are measure what you really want and doing it without creating paths to cheating your way there. Given an incentive, people will find a way to achieve it. Most will work fairly but some will be tempted to game the. system, to stack the deck, to churn the number on their own behalf. That's not what you want. Ask yourself this question: how can we measure quantity and quality without gaming the system? Until you've answered that question, you'll never know how accurate, or useful, the measure is. -- doug smith

Exploring "Purple on Purpose"

What if there was a way to bridge the divide we all feel everyday, especially in our political views? What if there was a skill that could help people connect meaningfully by listening first, keeping judgment at bay, and finding common ground? UnScripted Products posed that question and launched a pilot workshop to explore ways to communicate more satisfyingly thru improv. I've been blessed with many opportunities to practice improv with truly fabulous, sincere, and creative people all over the USA -- in New Jersey, Chicago, Michigan, Colorado, Pennsylvania -- all over. Each improv group brings their own spark and joy. One wonderful feature of participating in different improv groups is that it does not feel like we are competing with each other because improv is a community. That makes it just about a perfect model for improving communication, crossing polarized divides, and recognizing people for the marvelously complicated but at heart well-intentioned beings that ...

Shake It Up

Inspiration has its own time table, but sometimes we have to shake up the clock. Maybe instead of waiting for inspiration we should meet it halfway. How else will it ever find you? -- doug smith

What's Your Creative Prompt?

The best place to wait for inspiration is in a place where it is certain to show up. Where is that for you? Onstage? Backstage? Greenroom? Workplace? Library? Laboratory? It could be your office, the factory floor, your work vehicle, anyplace where creativity is welcome. Your creative prompt can be solo and it can be in groups of people, too. Your best creative prompt is within you. How about this -- wherever you are, bring your inspiration with you. -- doug smith

Instincts?

Many leaders like to rely on their instincts. It's easy. It feels right. With enough experience, sometimes those instincts are spot on. But not always. If you want to trust an instinct make sure that you now and can trust the source of that instinct. Is it real? Is it relevant? Is it recent? Feelings are great, but show me the data every time. -- doug smith

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