The Easy Tree

Twitter can be fun sometimes because you can follow famous people and even respond to their musings. Sometimes, they might even respond to your response, somehow validating an otherwise humble existence.

In teaching for decades I've often asked as a warm-up question "what famous person have you met?" and I was initially surprised at how many people have actually met a famous person. Nearly everyone in nearly every room has met or encountered at least one famous person. We're all so close to connection that it's wonderful.

One of the famous people I've met (who no doubt will not remember me) is the writer and producer Gennifer Hutchison. We met at a wedding in California. She's closely associated with the TV show "Breaking Bad" which I loved so it was a thrill to meet her.

That's all just me bragging and pretending that it's establishing context for this tweet that I'd like to respond to:

What's the tree you climbed as a child that you still think about?
— Gennifer Hutchison (@GennHutchison) September 7, 2021

I still think about the Easy Tree.

There were two prominent trees in our neighborhood in Southern New Jersey -- one that was tall and complicated and hard to climb because it was dangerous.

The other had big limbs, strong branches, and ample space that made it easy to climb. We of course called that the Easy Tree.

We climbed it almost every day.

One day we decided to build something in that tree. We might have had an elaborate tree house in mind although honestly we lacked the engineering or carpentry skills to pull that off. We didn't even have adequate tools. We used bricks to pound in the nails to hold the lumber. Bad idea.

It was not my brick, but it might as well have been because I felt so bad about what happened. One of the bricks slipped (predictably) out of the hands of one of us and landed on my brother Dave's head. There was a lot of blood.

We carried him home where my dad administered copious amounts of water and whatever magic that parents do to save their children's lives. There might well have been a trip to the doctor and stitches involved. (There were indeed stitches and my brother had a scar on his forehand after that, but he did make a complete and remarkably fast recovery.)

"Just like a boxer," I remember my granddad saying. "The head bleeds a lot."

The Easy Tree was never quite the same after that and I don't remember ever climbing it again. But I do think of it often and how very upset I was to see my brother hurt. I cried more than he did, and I was four years older than him.

Well, Ms. Hutchison -- that's the tree I think about. How about you?

-- doug smith

Comments

Speak Your Mind

I like people who speak their mind, people who say what they're thinking with radical honesty. You can learn a lot that way, especially when you disagree. Not everyone will appreciate radical honesty. They want you to hide the ugly truths. They want you to sugar-coat the feedback. That's why even when telling your truth without filters feels right (and it does) we still need to ready for reactions to that truth. Disagreement takes many forms. Some forms of disagreement are healthy, and some are not. You've no doubt experienced both. Speak your mind but remember that it will likely generate a response. -- doug smith

Show Up!

"You've got to be there. Big decisions are being made!" my former boss told me a long time ago. "If your voice is in the room you might be heard..." It was good advice then and it still is. Show up. When there's a goal you're working on and an opportunity appears to advance that goal -- show up. When changes are being made that will affect you -- show up! When it matters to you -- show up. You won't always get what you want by showing up, but you never will if you don't! -- doug smith

Can I Ask Too Many Questions?

Have you ever been really interrogated? Have you ever been asked so many questions that it felt aggressive and intrusive, like an inquisition? There are times when it feels like we've had enough questioning. That could be a valid conclusion, or it could be a sign to open our minds and expand our perspective. Leaders must ask questions. We must ask open-ended, probing, curious questions. The truth could be in the fifteenth answer instead of the first. Keep asking. Respectfully ask, of course. And, then keep asking. Can I ask too many questions? What's your answer? -- doug smith

Dream...and then get to work

It's good to have dreams. It's where most goals begin, with a meaningful dream. Picturing yourself succeeding is a great technique (used in neurolinguistic programming, NLP and elsewhere). It's not enough, though. If you think you can just conjure up success by dreaming about it or manifesting it, good luck. Take it a step (or twenty) farther than that. Do the work. Dream all you want -- and then, get to work. -- doug smith

Unconditional Giving

Is giving easy for you, or do you find it hard? Do you serve gladly, or with resentment? Do you give conditionally, or unconditionally? What if we are made whole by giving ourselves away? That just might change a lot of answers... -- doug smith

The Problem With Compromises

Think about the last time you compromised on something. Whether it was a big compromise or a little compromise, how do you feel about it now? While we often call it "meet in the middle" it seldom does. Compromises are not automatically fair, no matter how implied that fairness is. Someone usually gets more out of a compromise than the person they are "compromising" with. If the low end is you, you don't like it -- and you remember that. If the top end of the compromise is you, you probably forget all about it even though the inequity simmers in the background. Compromises must be constantly revisited because they are inevitably unfair. If you get the chance to balance things out, your relationship will prosper. If you miss that chance, the relationship will suffer. What's your choice? -- doug smith

Customers Are Funny

Have you ever had a customer need something that seemed unreasonable? "You should pay for the whole thing!" or "You should give me a free gizmo, too!" or "I want a letter of apology from the president!" I've gotten all of those requests. Customers don't always want what they ask for. They can be unreasonable. But, we still need to do our best to figure out HOW we can actually help them. Surprisingly, that is sometimes easier than meeting their demands. Maybe they need a boost to their self-esteem. Maybe they need to vent until their adrenaline tapers off. Or maybe they need to know that they matter and that there are still kind people out there who will listen. People like you and me. The most immediately useful way to help a customer may be completely unrelated to your business. Let's listen. Patiently, compassionately, attentively. It could be the best experience they get all day. -- doug smith

Ask The Questions

"The primary role of a leader is to ask relevant questions." -- Lester T. Shapiro It takes practice. It takes patience. It could even take persistence. Ask the questions. To help people think. To seek understanding. To empathize, emphasize, and connect. Every unasked question leaves room for assumptions. You know what they say about assumptions. Ask the questions. -- doug smith

Are You A Leader?

It's not such an easy question. Having people who report to you doesn't make you a leader and not having people report to you does not prevent you from being a leader. Leaders get things done thru other people. Or, better still, with other people. Leaders feel compelled to make life better for others and for themselves, by building, by changing, by serving. Are you a leader? What leadership action are you working on today? -- doug smith

Goal Action

Have you ever talked about a goal a lot but then didn't achieve it? Talking about a goal is great, but no substitute for action. Goals, plan, action. Remember the action! -- doug smith

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