Skip to main content

The Easy Tree

image: pixabay


Twitter can be fun sometimes because you can follow famous people and even respond to their musings. Sometimes, they might even respond to your response, somehow validating an otherwise humble existence.

In teaching for decades I've often asked as a warm-up question "what famous person have you met?" and I was initially surprised at how many people have actually met a famous person. Nearly everyone in nearly every room has met or encountered at least one famous person. We're all so close to connection that it's wonderful.

One of the famous people I've met (who no doubt will not remember me) is the writer and producer Gennifer Hutchison. We met at a wedding in California. She's closely associated with the TV show "Breaking Bad" which I loved so it was a thrill to meet her. 

That's all just me bragging and pretending that it's establishing context for this tweet that I'd like to respond to:


I still think about the Easy Tree. 

There were two prominent trees in our neighborhood in Southern New Jersey -- one that was tall and complicated and hard to climb because it was dangerous.

The other had big limbs, strong branches, and ample space that made it easy to climb. We of course called that the Easy Tree.

We climbed it almost every day.

One day we decided to build something in that tree. We might have had an elaborate tree house in mind although honestly we lacked the engineering or carpentry skills to pull that off. We didn't even have adequate tools. We used bricks to pound in the nails to hold the lumber. Bad idea.

It was not my brick, but it might as well have been because I felt so bad about what happened. One of the bricks slipped (predictably) out of the hands of one of us and landed on my brother Dave's head. There was a lot of blood.

We carried him home where my dad administered copious amounts of water and whatever magic that parents do to save their children's lives. There might well have been a trip to the doctor and stitches involved. (There were indeed stitches and my brother had a scar on his forehand after that, but he did make a complete and remarkably fast recovery.)

"Just like a boxer," I remember my granddad saying. "The head bleeds a lot."

The Easy Tree was never quite the same after that and I don't remember ever climbing it again. But I do think of it often and how very upset I was to see my brother hurt. I cried more than he did, and I was four years older than him.

Well, Ms. Hutchison -- that's the tree I think about. How about you?

-- doug smith


 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Solution Resistance

Why would anyone resist solving a problem? As frustrating as that feels, there must be a reason. Even when it is counter-productive. Even when it makes no sense at all -- people will stay stuck in their problems and avoid anything that resembles a solution. Maybe they're sure it will work out on its own (it won't). Or, maybe in a tough case they unknowingly are addicted to their pain, that cycle of bringing up what hurts even though it hurts and eventually even because it hurts. It's familiar. The chemicals do their dance of doom and the darkness feels almost comforting. I'm familiar with that pattern, that rut, that doom. It wasn't judgment that pulled me out. It wasn't force. It wasn't even an intervention. It was slow, steady, patient, loving conversations.  Talk about it. Listen. Empathize.  Some people won't want you to solve a problem. It's worth finding out why. Just imagine the possibilities! -- doug smith  P.S. I'm not a therapist (altho...

Be Fair

If you are a parent, or remember when you were a child, you've heard this many times:  "It's not fair!"  Probably spoken with a massive degree of indignation. There is something absolutely offensive about encountering unfairness. Injustice. If it is not fair it is not right. You know how it feels and you know it shouldn't be that way. That's one of the things that makes leadership so important. Making fair choices. Treating people with respect. Moving toward your goals without taking advantage of other people. It takes character and strength and resolve.  Life may not be far, but as a leader you can be. Let's be fair. -- doug smith

Co-discovery

  How are you at discovering things with other people? As much as I do enjoy working alone, exploring, doing lots of discovery, I also find that it is absolutely amazing to be able to co-discover with other people. New things emerge. Synthesis arises. Jam sessions abound. When we work together we discover worlds beyond our lonely grasp. We discover what's right. -- doug smith

Feedback is Fuel

Have you ever avoided feedback? Do you know anyone who avoids feedback? Even when we know we benefit from feedback, we'll do our best to avoid that feedback if it hurts. Unkind critical feedback stings so much that we pull away. As leaders, we can fix that. Take the sting out. Make feedback feel useful and kind. Not by coddling or being polly-annish. Not by being toxically positive. By being accurate, unemotional, and kind. By listening first and sharing feedback second.  Lower the temperature, raise the compassion, increase the frequency, and develop a team with a culture of sharing observations and eventually people will embrace the feedback instead of avoiding it. Feedback is fuel for growth. Feedback is best built with trust. -- doug smith

How To Lead

I don't have all the answers. This isn't an absolute, reductionist formula, but it couldn't hurt. It feels like a good way to lead. Ready? Lead with the eagerness of a child and the wisdom of an elder. That's it. I thought about substituting "patience" for "wisdom". Either one (or both) will do. Stay curious. Stay patient. Lead with kindness. What do you think? -- doug smith  

Up To You

  Your goals are up to you. If you've got a pulse, if you're breathing, your goals are up to you. Other people may assign you tasks, projects, and even goals but let's face it, it is completely up to you. Isn't that the way you want it? -- doug smith

Collaboration

  "It seems like the project is right in front of you..." I said, beginning to offer some free consulting. "I don't need advice," she said, "I need collaboration." Of course.  -- doug smith

Practical

Build things that people need and you'll always be needed. Just remember, you may have to change how you build those things.  People's needs change and those needs are often more complicated than they seem. There is also a power difference between "classic" and "obsolete." As hard as it is, leaders need to navigate that difference. Build things that people need -- practical goods. And keep improving how you do it. -- doug smith 

Set Your Intentions

We grow in the direction of our intensions -- so set your intentions clearly and positively. I can't think of a better alternative, how about you?  -- doug smith

Listen anyway...

  You can stop listening to someone who offends you, but what if that's what they want? Maybe instead, keep listening -- by listening we can still influence. When we stop listening, we're done. -- doug smith