doug smith training

How often is your truth tested? How often do people check to make sure that everything you've communicated to them is true? When it comes to your team, the answer is every day. High performance leaders can not stand to slip and deceive anyone on the team because it is sure to be caught. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe some time down the road, but it will surely be caught and when it is, the team becomes a bit less effective Every day your truth is tested so you might as well make it true. If you're going to be tested, you might as well test true.  -- doug smith  

If you've ever had a boss say something mean to you, it's likely that you still remember it vividly. You probably won't ever forget it. Leaders do need to provide feedback and much of that feedback may be constructive -- coaching involves helping others improve their skills in order to achieve their goals -- but that constructive feedback can, and should, be delivered in a positive, dignified way. Not mean. Not nasty. Not insulting. Words meant to hurt are better left unsaid. -- doug smith

You can't fix everything by talking about it but you can't fix anything unless you do. Talk about it. Sometimes it will seem rough. There may be deep feelings involved. The words may come slowly. Maybe even the wrong words will come. It is a challenge. Talk about it anyway. What unresolved issue do you need to talk about?  -- doug smith

Have you ever noticed that behavior is contagious? If someone is yelling at you, it's easy to start yelling back. Conversely, if someone smiles at you, it's likely that you'll smile in return. Behavior is contagious. Character thought takes more work and more development. Building the type of character strengths that you want helps you decide what behaviors you'll show. If pettiness is not part of your character, you're less likely to act in a petty manner, no matter how misbehaved someone is around you. You never need to make someone else's character flaws your own. Just build your strengths, remember that no one around you will ever be perfect, and manage your emotions.  How do you manage your emotions? What do you do to keep contagious negative behaviors from infecting you?  -- doug smith

How does your culture handle insults? How about you? When I worked at GE we had an expression for handling insults: "grow feathers." When I first asked what does that mean, it was explained "handle insults like water off a duck's behind. If you're too sensitive, grow more feathers..." I did struggle with that at first. Someone people will come right at you with an insult. How we take that thought is completely up to us. We really can grow more feathers. The advantage is, if people see that they can't upset you, they may stop trying so hard to upset you, and start actually communicating. No matter what they say at first... It's only an insult if you take it personally. And, since it probably has much more to do with how they feel about themselves and what's going on in their own lives, it's better not to take it personally at all.  -- doug smith

To speak with courage you might need to defend the right to dignity for yourself and for everyone. Everyone? Really? Yes, everyone. -- doug smith

  Have you ever had an argument and only later on realized that maybe you didn't get it right? Maybe there was a missing piece of information. Maybe you had filtered things a bit from your point of view. It happens. When? All the time. Right or wrong, every perspective is incomplete. Sometimes we need to fill in the blanks by gaining another perspective, by hearing someone else's story. What's your rush? Get it right. -- doug smith

What do you do when someone lies to you? It's probably happened to you several times today. People lie for so many reasons -- to spare your feelings, to fool you, to avoid work, to navigate blame, to gain an advantage...even out of laziness. The trouble with lies is that they are always inevitably discovered. What has become a disturbing trend is that even when someone is caught in a lie, they often simply just lie again. They lie about the lie. They lie about the truth. They lie about whether you should even care if the tell the truth. Geez. We've all told lies, but there comes a time to stop. There comes a time when the lies pile up so high that we can't even try to see our way to the truth. There comes a time when the lies cut relationships to shreds and turn communication into dread. There comes a time when no matter how dramatic or risky it may seem we should tell the truth. Exclusively. No lies at all. That time is now. Now is the best time to deal with lies. First (a

Don't you just love it when someone is genuinely helpful? Those rare times when you can tell that they don't have a secondary motive, that they are just being helpful? Great leaders do that a lot. You can see it in their actions, and you can hear it in their talk. What if everything you communicated was meant to be helpful? Wouldn't more people listen? -- doug smith

The truth can stand any level of inquiry. When in doubt, tell the truth. When under duress, tell the truth. When your courage is low, tell the truth. Keep kindness in mind. Stay open to other perceptions. But please, tell the truth. -- doug smith

  Whenever I feel myself getting defensive, and whenever I catch myself defending a point I haven't even completely thought thru yet, I realize that what I need is to stay curious. Quiet. Open minded. In discovery mode, not defending mode. There's plenty of time to defend later. The impulse to argue is your signal to stay curious. Mine, too. -- doug smith

  How do you know what you don't know? Isn't the first step in learning something figuring out that you don't know what you need to know? We need that moment of cognitive dissonance to motivate us into learning. Or do we? Learning occurs in so many ways that I don't even pretend to have figured it all out. But I do know this: ignorance has a way of hiding itself. There are times when we just can't figure it out on our own. We need help. We need someone else to tell us. We need feedback. We don't know what we don't know, and that creates some awkward mistakes. Get the feedback. Ask, and then decide. There is so much more to learn. -- doug smith

Anytime you speak for me, please remember this: you do not speak for me. -- doug smith  

Here's a challenge for you. I'm not concerned about a wrong answer or a right answer. I'm curious about your answer. Here goes: To argue is to lose your audience. What do you think? We've all done this at one time or another, been so certain that our position is right that not only is the other person's position wrong, but THEY'RE wrong, too. Oh, so wrong. That turns a position into an opinion and into an emotion.  What do you think? If we enter emotional ground, does our think fog beyond reason? To argue is to lose your audience. Or is it? -- doug smith  

Do you talk a lot? Do you remember everything you say? Is it possible that you might have said something that: a) inspired someone b) motivated someone c) bored someone d) insulted someone Possibly. Probably. Sure. Even beyond the point of your remembering what you said. I've said things that I later regretted long after being able to remember what it was that I said. The feeling remains. Someone else retains the message (even if it's not the message that was intended.) Everything you say is remembered by someone. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Did you ever need to say something, but didn't.  Maybe it even felt like you couldn't. That's happened to me. The words were in my head. The words made the trip as far as to my mouth, and there they stayed, unspoken. It wasn't diplomacy. It wasn't discretion. What was it? Fear? Anxiety? Doubt? If that has never happened to you, you are lucky in that regard. If that has happened to you, and you know you don't ever want it to happen again, resolve yourself to talk. To say what's on your mind and in your heart. When the moment passes, it may be gone forever. Communication gets harder the less of it you do. Talk about it. -- doug smith

Is there something on your mind that you are not talking about? Do you need a conversation with someone but keep avoiding it? It's tough, isn't it? The conversations that feel like the toughest only get tougher the longer they are delayed. Talk about it. Talk about it now. -- doug smith

There's a lot of arguing going on. Does it seem to you like it's getting worse each day? People are losing friends, people are ignoring each other, people are letting logic slip out of their heads while the emotional train takes over. It doesn't have to be that way. You have some control of whether or not (and how) you argue. The next time you are about to argue, try keeping this in mind: the impulse to argue is a signal to stay curious instead. Maybe you'll learn something. Maybe you'll teach something. There's plenty of room to interact respectfully. -- doug smith

Communicate as if your career depended on it. It does. -- doug smith

In this brief video, Tom Peters explains two key ideas: 18 seconds (the average time before a doctor interrupts a patient) and four words (a powerful way to keep you listening.)