Dealing with Lies

What do you do when someone lies to you? It's probably happened to you several times today. People lie for so many reasons -- to spare your feelings, to fool you, to avoid work, to navigate blame, to gain an advantage...even out of laziness.

The trouble with lies is that they are always inevitably discovered. What has become a disturbing trend is that even when someone is caught in a lie, they often simply just lie again. They lie about the lie. They lie about the truth. They lie about whether you should even care if the tell the truth.

Geez.

We've all told lies, but there comes a time to stop. There comes a time when the lies pile up so high that we can't even try to see our way to the truth. There comes a time when the lies cut relationships to shreds and turn communication into dread.

There comes a time when no matter how dramatic or risky it may seem we should tell the truth. Exclusively. No lies at all. That time is now.

Now is the best time to deal with lies. First (and I'll do my best on this, too) simply tell the truth. No near lies, no pretend ignorance, no lying by omission. Zero deception. When someone asks you a yes or no question, give them a straight answer instead of tap dancing your way to obfuscation.

Be bold. Be brave. Tell the truth.

-- doug smith

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Fun In Learning

Problems are not usually fun. It may sound funny to say that they could be. But, what if they could be fun? I don't know how to solve every problem but there is fun in the learning. Don't ask me why, just give it a try... -- doug smith

Connection

Where does communication start? Before any meaningful message can be shared, before any agreement can be reached, communication starts with connection. Finding a way to share something in common with someone else. Turning toward someone and taking the chance of seeing, hearing, feeling who they are in this moment of time. Communication starts with connection. Connect, and the possibilities are limitless. -- doug smith

About That Goal

It's easy to set a goal and then start working on it before figuring out why. It does make sense to start working on a goal. Great ideas without action are meaningless. It's also worth checking to make sure that the massive effort you're about to make is worth it. It is worth asking if a goal is good for you, good for others, and good for some higher cause. If it's yes to all three, it's a goal worth working hard on. -- doug smith

Constructive Feedback

Wouldn't it be nice if the only feedback we got was all positive? Our self-esteem would be so happy. Our confidence would be flying high. Work would be wonderful! The problem is, the mistakes we make, the opportunities we miss, the offenses we offer would go unchecked leading to - gulp - worse performance. Yes, we love the positive feedback. I can run a week on one "good job!" We also really need the constructive comments. Ready or not, we can always improve. Asking only for positive feedback sounds comforting but it's wrong. We need to ask for feedback and handle it, positive or not. If we do not receive any constructive feedback, as high performance leaders we owe it to ourselves and our teams to ask for it. It's also true when it comes to delivering feedback. Our constructive feedback for others may make them uncomfortable. Our observations of behavior may run counter to their self-evaluation. As leaders, we owe it to people to help them improve, to lead them t

Fill Your Goal With Love

It's a weird question, true, but worth asking: is your goal filled with love? Do you love the outcome your goal will bring about? More importantly, is your goal formed with love for something other than yourself? Will the completion of your goal bring about joy? Will achieving your goal bring something positive to the world? It's mostly a "note to self" kind of question because, for me, simply achieving a goal is not enough. The goal needs to matter, and nothing matters more than love. Fill your goal with love and the outcome will improve. Fill your goal with love and you will love the result. -- doug smith

Evaluate Carefully

It's easier to make a problem worse than it is to solve it, so evaluate your solution carefully. -- doug smith

Work On Noble Goals

Why do people pursue goals that cause pain? When one person's ambition causes another person's anguish that is not a noble goal. It is not sheepishness or lack of courage that cautions us to take care of other people and their needs -- it is basic human decency. High performance leaders do not need to create harm. We make important decisions. We can balance our goals with the consequences and chose those that create only value. That does not rule out competition. Sometimes we DO need to compete. When we need to compete (hey, I like a good contest as much as anyone) we do it fairly, within the rules, with no intention of harming anyone. I can block your shot without breaking your arm. You can tackle me without causing a concussion. It is possible to assertively work for a win without creates debilitating loss. Seek good goals. Work on noble goals. A goal is no good if it results in harm. -- doug smith

Find the Possibility

That problem might be one possibility away from being solved -- but it might take many possibilities to find that one. -- doug smith

Work Out The Details

Leadership is a combination of big-picture thinking and attention to detail. One without the other will leave you lacking. Big picture thinking is the inspiration, the invitation, the appeal to all of your senses for some noble cause. Attention to detail gets it all done. Everything will work out when you work out the details. Work out the details. -- doug smith

Jumping to Solutions

What is it like to jump to solutions? It's deciding before evaluating. It's picking the first thing that sounds right. It's doing anything to cut the tension of dealing with a problem. It may not be your best choice. It's easier to make a problem worse than it is to solve it so evaluate your solution carefully. Will it make things better? Will it prevent harm? Will it please the people effected? Jump to solutions? Not so fast. Breathe. Evaluate. Select. -- doug smith

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