doug smith training

Is hurting someone's feelings inevitable? Perhaps, sometimes, no matter what we as leaders do we will somehow hurt someone's feelings. But, if that happens as an accident or as the result of someone else's low self-esteem at least we didn't intend it. Most of us have known leaders who DO intend it. Leaders who play with people's feelings are playing with fire. It may feel like a fine way to manipulate someone into giving you something you want, but there is a heavy cost. The relationship takes some bumps and, often, the bounce-back reverberation (some might call it karma) is big. Very big. Being careful about other people's feelings is in the end also taking care of your own. Hurt feelings seek revenge. Why bring that about? We never escape unscaved when we hurt someone's feelings. What to do instead? Talk about it. Listen with curiosity. Show social courtesy and compassion. It's better for your relationships -- and therefore also better for

Do feelings effect the way that you lead? Feelings are part of who we are. The challenge is, how do we know when to trust our feelings? It's possible that our feelings are out of balance or even irrational given the circumstance. Our imaginations can fool us into feeling things that are of no value and are not necessary. Jealousy, envy, insecurity, paranoia -- while any of these feelings could sometimes be appropriate, they are very often inappropriate and even harmful to our well being. But sometimes we have to trust our feelings, don't we? Yes, and here is when. Trust your feelings when first feel centered, healthy, and rested. Trust your feeling when you can differentiate facts from feelings. Trust your feelings when you are willing to confirm facts and stay curious about contradictory facts. Feelings are too important to ignore. They are also too powerful to let them rule. Find a balance. Sort through the total picture. Stay in charge. How do you feel about th

What is your direction? How are you making things better? Where will you be a year from now if you keep doing what you're doing now? Is that where you'll want to be? What can you do TODAY to set a direct course for where you want to be? How about trying some of these CLUES to Success: - Create agreements - Listen with curiosity - Understand the facts AND the feelings - Express yourself clearly and positively - Share responsibility for success It takes practice, so clue someone in and practice together. Once you've become comfortable adding these CLUES to Success to your conversations you'll find that you experience deeper conversations, more powerful presentations, and more productive meetings. And, quite likely, you'll find that your relationships improve as well. Set a course for where you want to be: in a great dialogue. -- Doug Smith