Spare Those Feelings

Is hurting someone's feelings inevitable? Perhaps, sometimes, no matter what we as leaders do we will somehow hurt someone's feelings. But, if that happens as an accident or as the result of someone else's low self-esteem at least we didn't intend it. Most of us have known leaders who DO intend it.

Leaders who play with people's feelings are playing with fire. It may feel like a fine way to manipulate someone into giving you something you want, but there is a heavy cost. The relationship takes some bumps and, often, the bounce-back reverberation (some might call it karma) is big. Very big.

Being careful about other people's feelings is in the end also taking care of your own. Hurt feelings seek revenge. Why bring that about?

We never escape unscaved when we hurt someone's feelings.

What to do instead? Talk about it. Listen with curiosity. Show social courtesy and compassion. It's better for your relationships -- and therefore also better for you.

-- doug smith

Comments

Facts and Feelings

How do you feel about data? About half of us really don't feel anything about data, because it's the data that matters. Let's focus on the facts. The half of us really does care about how we feel about data -- or anything else. How cold it is to leave our feelings out of the equation! As winning leaders we need to focus both on facts and on feelings. We need the flexibility and the focus. We need to include anyone and everyone who will be impacted by the results of our decisions. What do you think about that? How do you feel about that? Ask both questions, and then...listen. -- doug smith

With Love

Emotions can get in the way of solving problems. Stirring up anger, or fear is hardly ever helpful. But what if even in the toughest of situations we solved problems with love. There can't be too much love, can there? And the supply is always renewable and inexhaustible if we stay with it. Problems solved with love stay solved longer. We also feel much better about the whole thing. What do you think? -- doug smth

Procrastination

Procrastination increases stress. Do the thing and be done with it. -- doug smith

Reason to Talk

That misunderstanding, that festering conflict, that difficult behavior...what are we to do? Talk it over. Bring it up. Conflict is reason to talk. Conversations cost less than making assumptions. Talk about it.

Done

Trying to fix a problem from the past could cause a problem right now. When it's done, let it stay done. -- doug smith

Optimism

Optimism isn't a guarantee but it is fuel for improvement. You have to think anyway, why not think positively. I've had to work on this. There were times when I was way too sensitive and way to perfectionistic which lead to being pessimistic. I learned that given a choice (and we always have a choice) it is far better to think optimistically. Not irrationally. You do still need to work. Just thinking positively is no lock no matter what anyone says. But it can pull you in a positive direction, and that's helpful. What do you think? -- doug smith

Never mind the Distractions

I'll keep this short. Distractions are expensive. No need to list them here because you already know, don't you? Some things and some people will try to distract you from your goals but it's up to you if you let them. Design your plan. Act relentlessly on that plan. Keep going until you hit that beautiful four letter word: done. -- doug smith

Easy on that Multitasking

It's tempting when there is so much to do to heap it up on your top performers. Give them that extra project. Delegate more. While delegation is a key part of high performance leadership, be careful about giving too many things to be done all at once. You know already that multitasking is risky. When you're driving a car you are multitasking -- your hands are doing one thing, your feet are doing another thing, and your eyes are busy on another thing, and it's all perfectly fine, until you add one thing too many. Looking at your phone or changing the controls on your audio, or glancing over your shoulder at the kids in the backseat -- all it takes is one thing too many to be much more than one thing too many. Disaster awaits. Most multitasking causes more problems than it solves. Single task when possible and simply find another way. It may take longer, but it probably won't in the long run. -- doug smith

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