doug smith training

Some conflicts are worth avoiding.  Do you know anyone who always seems to be in an argument? If you think of someone as a difficult person, is it because they're just so...disagreeable? It isn't necessary to disagree with everyone you disagree with. We don't have time to convince every wrong person that they're wrong, so we need to stay strategic on where we manage the conflict and where we walk away. Your time is valuable and irreplaceable. Manage carefully.  -- doug smith

Why do people follow you? Where's the magnet? What's the attraction? What's the draw? People look for leaders who are leading causes they believe in. Start with the cause and then look for commitment. If your cause is real, your team will respond. -- doug smith  

Do you remember your toughest leadership decision? Every day we make many choices. Some days, the choices are tough. As leaders, we need to put our teams in the best possible position to succeed. The nuances are subtle. The stakes are high. Sometimes our best chance is our hardest choice. That's why you're there -- a trusted decision maker able to make the tough choices. Some will work well, and some won't. But the tough choices will keep coming. What's a leader to do? Keep learning, and decide with care. -- doug smith  

Your team members might need more validation than you've been giving them. Many of the artifacts of the past that indicated power and showed success are no longer provided. Flattening the organization has also eliminated promotion opportunities. Career tracks have turned into career plains.  How do you build a career and your self-esteem if money is your only measure of success? That might not be the wrong question, but the implied answer is incomplete. We still have other ways of measuring and celebrating success. We can find ways to show our team members that they are making progress. We can show our team members that we recognition their success and we appreciate their work. Elevate their status. Distinguish those who achieve their team goals and show them respect beyond the basic into esteemed associate admiration. People didn't stop caring about these things just because companies stopped providing them. No matter what your organizational culture declares, as a leader you ...

How far will you go? How much will you work? How important is it to you? Your goals will go as far as you will go... -- doug smith  

Remember to celebrate the goals you've already achieved. They are powerful steps toward your next great goal. -- doug smith  

It might seem hard, even impossible. I've found myself immobilized at times out of fear of making a choice. Especially if a bad decision has created a problem. That decision, right or wrong, has been made. It's time for a new choice. The best way out of a bad decision is another decision. Decide.  -- doug smith

Competition can be rough but it can also be educational. If you study your opponent you might learn their secrets. If you can listen to your opposition, they might be sending you valuable signals that could improve your own performance. What if your rival is also your best coach? -- doug smith

You've heard the term "Action!" in the movie business applied to beginning a scene. Get moving. Do your part. Play your role. Action. Often, the action is incomplete, incorrect, or just insufficient. When that happens on the set you'll hear "Back to one!" which means start the scene over from the beginning. You get another chance. Some directors will even give you a couple extra chances to get it right. Other directors, like Stanley Kubrick, might insist on dozens of "back to ones" to make sure something brilliant happens. We don't always get do-overs in real life, do we? But we can't get stuck at "one" or "back to one". We need action. Sketch out all the plans you want as long as you remember that it takes action to achieve your goals. And what if you don't like the results of your action? Maybe...just maybe, give back to one a chance... -- doug smith

Is it possible to have peace without justice? I wrestle with that question because I know what I'd like it to be and I suspect that the real answer is something else. How about you? The path of peace is sometimes covered with conflict. Problems don't always present in a respectful, peaceful manner. Sometimes they barely even disguise the greed behind the behavior. Tough, yet almost certain, the answer involves an assertive response. A problem caused by greed might need a bit of justice. Peaceful, restorative justice perhaps, but most definitely justice. -- doug smith

Is feedback painful? Do you hate both giving AND receiving feedback? Most people, in my experience, tend to avoid feedback because there is pain and even emotional trauma attached. Critical feedback hurts. Positive feedback, when it comes at all, isn't always enough to counter the trauma of the critical feedback. We do need critical feedback. We need to be able to benefit from observations and experiences to improve our performance going forward. As leaders, we have a responsibility to provide our team members with both support and challenge. Feedback should be part of that challenge. But it's not really "feedback" unless it's flipped upside down. On my Fender amplifier, if I play my guitar too loud and too close to the speaker the sound feeds-back. I like that sound (it reminds me of Jimi Hendrix) but many people don't and it certainly would not fit in most worship services or orchestra pits. The feedback is essentially telling me to turn it down. But I don...

  I'm facilitating a training session this week on feedback and coaching so of course my research never stops. No matter how many times I've delivered a program, there's always more to learn. I found this video and recommend it. If you'd like to take some of the "sting" out of feedback, don't even think of it as feedback. Think of it as advice. Here's the ten minute video. If you don't have ten minutes, the first three minutes are golden. Three key points that I got from the video: Focus on the task, not the person Ask for advice, not feedback Your "second score" is how you take and process your first score. If someone says that your performance was a three on a scale of ten (ouch!) you can still get a ten on how you use that information.  -- doug smith

When your goals are tied to a larger mission their value prods you forward. One more step,                                   one more step,                                                   for goodness' sake take one more step... -- doug smith

What's the difference between a problem and a conflict? A conflict is a problem that you cannot solve alone. -- doug smith

"Not so fast!" "What?" "I didn't say yes. At least not yet. Be careful of assuming it's a yes..." I don't like to be pushed, how about you? I don't like it when people assume that any answer that is not a no must logically be a yes. Maybe not. It's fine to pause. It's worth thinking. No one can fault you for taking a breath, or two, or three! A pause, before a promise, can prevent that promise from being broken. I'd like to be someone who keeps my promises. How about you? -- doug smith  

There have been days when it has felt like something is missing. The pace is too slow. The temperature is too cold. The beach is too lonely. What is it? Is it exercise? Is it eating healthy? Is it starting a conversation instead of waiting for someone else? Whatever is missing from your life might only be one good habit away.  -- doug smith

Nobody can do everything, but feeling guilty about that won't change it.    We can all do something. Do what you can.   -- doug smith

Life gets better when you get better. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep serving. -- doug smith  

Every goal matters but the goals that help define you matter more. -- doug smith  

Where does success start? It starts with the goal. What is it that you really, really want? Clarifying what your goal is can save you hours, weeks, and years of frustration. Work on what matters. Work on your goals. -- doug smith

What skill or skills are you working on these days? Are you working on new skills only, or are you also continuing to develop your areas of strength? It's not either/or, is it? Note to self: develop your skill to the point where there's no fear of using that skill -- and then keep developing it. If the skill is worthwhile, it's never totally perfected. -- doug smith  

Think about the last time you compromised on something. Whether it was a big compromise or a little compromise, how do you feel about it now? While we often call it "meet in the middle" it seldom does. Compromises are not automatically fair, no matter how implied that fairness is. Someone usually gets more out of a compromise than the person they are "compromising" with. If the low end is you, you don't like it -- and you remember that. If the top end of the compromise is you, you probably forget all about it even though the inequity simmers in the background.  Compromises must be constantly revisited because they are inevitably unfair. If you get the chance to balance things out, your relationship will prosper. If you miss that chance, the relationship will suffer. What's your choice? -- doug smith  

Is giving easy for you, or do you find it hard? Do you serve gladly, or with resentment? Do you give conditionally, or unconditionally? What if we are made whole by giving ourselves away? That just might change a lot of answers... -- doug smith  

  Positive thinking is not a magic wand. It's just better than negative thinking, and far too often it feels too easy to think negatively. We do it to ourselves, and we do it to others. Let's think, and do better by being more positive. There is no reason to fill anyone with doubt. Including yourself. -- doug smith

I like people who speak their mind, people who say what they're thinking with radical honesty. You can learn a lot that way, especially when you disagree. Not everyone will appreciate radical honesty. They want you to hide the ugly truths. They want you to sugar-coat the feedback. That's why even when telling your truth without filters feels right (and it does) we still need to ready for reactions to that truth. Disagreement takes many forms. Some forms of disagreement are healthy, and some are not. You've no doubt experienced both. Speak your mind but remember that it will likely generate a response.  -- doug smith

  It's good to have dreams. It's where most goals begin, with a meaningful dream. Picturing yourself succeeding is a great technique (used in neurolinguistic programming, NLP and elsewhere). It's not enough, though. If you think you can just conjure up success by dreaming about it or manifesting it, good luck.  Take it a step (or twenty) farther than that. Do the work. Dream all you want -- and then, get to work. -- doug smith

  "You've got to be there. Big decisions are being made!" my former boss told me a long time ago. "If your voice is in the room you might be heard..." It was good advice then and it still is. Show up. When there's a goal you're working on and an opportunity appears to advance that goal -- show up. When changes are being made that will affect you -- show up! When it matters to you -- show up. You won't always get what you want by showing up, but you never will if you don't! -- doug smith

Have you ever been really interrogated? Have you ever been asked so many questions that it felt aggressive and intrusive, like an inquisition? There are times when it feels like we've had enough questioning. That could be a valid conclusion, or it could be a sign to open our minds and expand our perspective. Leaders must ask questions. We must ask open-ended, probing, curious questions. The truth could be in the fifteenth answer instead of the first. Keep asking. Respectfully ask, of course. And, then keep asking. Can I ask too many questions? What's your answer? -- doug smith

It's not such an easy question. Having people who report to you doesn't make you a leader and not having people report to you does not prevent you from being a leader. Leaders get things done thru other people. Or, better still, with other people. Leaders feel compelled to make life better for others and for themselves, by building, by changing, by serving.  Are you a leader? What leadership action are you working on today? -- doug smith  

"The primary role of a leader is to ask relevant questions." -- Lester T. Shapiro It takes practice. It takes patience. It could even take persistence. Ask the questions. To help people think. To seek understanding. To empathize, emphasize, and connect. Every unasked question leaves room for assumptions. You know what they say about assumptions. Ask the questions. -- doug smith  

Have you ever had a customer need something that seemed unreasonable? "You should pay for the whole thing!" or "You should give me a free gizmo, too!" or "I want a letter of apology from the president!" I've gotten all of those requests.  Customers don't always want what they ask for. They can be unreasonable. But, we still need to do our best to figure out HOW we can actually help them. Surprisingly, that is sometimes easier than meeting their demands. Maybe they need a boost to their self-esteem. Maybe they need to vent until their adrenaline tapers off.  Or maybe they need to know that they matter and that there are still kind people out there who will listen. People like you and me. The most immediately useful way to help a customer may be completely unrelated to your business. Let's listen. Patiently, compassionately, attentively. It could be the best experience they get all day. -- doug smith   

How does it feel when a problem lasts for a long time? Have you ever had a problem that lasted so long that it seemed like it would always be around? When a problem is not solved or managed it must be endured. We can do better than that. -- doug smith  

Have you ever talked about a goal a lot but then didn't achieve it? Talking about a goal is great, but no substitute for action.  Goals, plan, action. Remember the action! -- doug smith

We won't succeed every time. Some goals fall away. Some dreams perish. Keep moving. Keep growing. Try again. When one dream dies there's room for another to arise. You've got what you need to succeed. -- doug smith  

Working on a goal keeps you working -- and hopeful. -- doug smith 

Goals are seldom mutually exclusive, even when they seem to conflict. Once you uncover the bigger need you open up space. Once you align your goals to your mission, the path opens and the the conflict falls away. -- doug smith

Incremental goals make geometric goals possible. Little goals get giant goals going. Whatever your goal is, break it down into something small enough to do right now. One step forward is all you need to get going.  - - doug smith

Things don't get done on their own. People seldom coalesce around a cause without help from someone with the vision and verve to set the direction. That takes courage and stamina. It isn't easy. Leading is seldom comfortable but always necessary.  If you can't figure out who is leading your cause, that means it is you.  -- doug smith

Have you paid attention to your goals today? What did you get completed on your biggest goal? Ignoring your goals won't make you forget what you want, it will just prevent you from getting it. If it's a goal, go get it, -- doug smith  

What if we're the most happy when we're the most positive? It's not magic -- we still need to do the work. It's not miraculous or metaphysical -- we do still control our own destiny. But, why not make the control positive? Why not overcome any negative patterns that stand in the way? You've got this. I'm positive. -- doug smith  

  What can be possible right now? Is there a problem facing you that you've been avoiding because it feels like there are already just too many things going on? It's easy to fall into an "all or nothing" mindset where, unable to solve ALL of the problems we manage to solve NONE of the problems. That there are too many problems to solve them all shouldn't stop us from solving the ones we can. If what can be is one solution to one problem that is a wonderful place to begin. -- doug smith

  A problem that is intentionally caused should not be ignored. It is either a conflict, or about to become one. When was the last time you saw a conflict resolve itself? (That's what I thought...) As one of my mentors, Andrew Oxley taught me: "You don't have to get angry, but you do have to get active." Do what leaders do: solve problems. A problem caused intentionally points to a root cause and a larger opportunity. Ignored, it gets bigger. Addressed, it may get solved. -- doug smith

We're all here before we discover why.  Some people never do discover why. With clear focus we eventually do discover endless reasons why. It only takes one good one to keep going.  As leaders we have the ability to help others discover and develop their "why's". Gathering people who share a wonderful diversity of why's while also being able to align powerfully with the team's "why" makes leadership rewarding, useful, full, and fabulous. Facilitating success -- reason enough to lead and tough enough to keep us growing. -- doug smith

Build things that people need and you'll always be needed. Just remember, you may have to change how you build those things.  People's needs change and those needs are often more complicated than they seem. There is also a power difference between "classic" and "obsolete." As hard as it is, leaders need to navigate that difference. Build things that people need -- practical goods. And keep improving how you do it. -- doug smith 

If you are a parent, or remember when you were a child, you've heard this many times:  "It's not fair!"  Probably spoken with a massive degree of indignation. There is something absolutely offensive about encountering unfairness. Injustice. If it is not fair it is not right. You know how it feels and you know it shouldn't be that way. That's one of the things that makes leadership so important. Making fair choices. Treating people with respect. Moving toward your goals without taking advantage of other people. It takes character and strength and resolve.  Life may not be far, but as a leader you can be. Let's be fair. -- doug smith

  How are you at discovering things with other people? As much as I do enjoy working alone, exploring, doing lots of discovery, I also find that it is absolutely amazing to be able to co-discover with other people. New things emerge. Synthesis arises. Jam sessions abound. When we work together we discover worlds beyond our lonely grasp. We discover what's right. -- doug smith

  "It seems like the project is right in front of you..." I said, beginning to offer some free consulting. "I don't need advice," she said, "I need collaboration." Of course.  -- doug smith

  Your goals are up to you. If you've got a pulse, if you're breathing, your goals are up to you. Other people may assign you tasks, projects, and even goals but let's face it, it is completely up to you. Isn't that the way you want it? -- doug smith

We grow in the direction of our intensions -- so set your intentions clearly and positively. I can't think of a better alternative, how about you?  -- doug smith

Thirty minutes to talk about your goals, problems, or leadership development. Not therapy. If you need medical, mental, or tax advice please consult a certified professional in one of those fields.

How often do you take time to reflect on what you've learned? Whether it' a debrief after a project, a feedback session after a job, or even a daily check-in to ask yourself "what did you learn today?" taking time to reflect helps us to learn those lessons we need to continue to improve. It's a matter of asking questions, thinking about your response, and considering what to do with what you've learned. What happened that worked for you?  How did you make the best use of your time and energy? What would you do differently next time? What will you do with what you have learned? Reflection gives us direction. Direction gives us cause. Take that pause to find that cause, and keep on learning! --  doug smith What have you learned today?  

Have you ever avoided feedback? Do you know anyone who avoids feedback? Even when we know we benefit from feedback, we'll do our best to avoid that feedback if it hurts. Unkind critical feedback stings so much that we pull away. As leaders, we can fix that. Take the sting out. Make feedback feel useful and kind. Not by coddling or being polly-annish. Not by being toxically positive. By being accurate, unemotional, and kind. By listening first and sharing feedback second.  Lower the temperature, raise the compassion, increase the frequency, and develop a team with a culture of sharing observations and eventually people will embrace the feedback instead of avoiding it. Feedback is fuel for growth. Feedback is best built with trust. -- doug smith

I don't have all the answers. This isn't an absolute, reductionist formula, but it couldn't hurt. It feels like a good way to lead. Ready? Lead with the eagerness of a child and the wisdom of an elder. That's it. I thought about substituting "patience" for "wisdom". Either one (or both) will do. Stay curious. Stay patient. Lead with kindness. What do you think? -- doug smith  

Why would anyone resist solving a problem? As frustrating as that feels, there must be a reason. Even when it is counter-productive. Even when it makes no sense at all -- people will stay stuck in their problems and avoid anything that resembles a solution. Maybe they're sure it will work out on its own (it won't). Or, maybe in a tough case they unknowingly are addicted to their pain, that cycle of bringing up what hurts even though it hurts and eventually even because it hurts. It's familiar. The chemicals do their dance of doom and the darkness feels almost comforting. I'm familiar with that pattern, that rut, that doom. It wasn't judgment that pulled me out. It wasn't force. It wasn't even an intervention. It was slow, steady, patient, loving conversations.  Talk about it. Listen. Empathize.  Some people won't want you to solve a problem. It's worth finding out why. Just imagine the possibilities! -- doug smith  P.S. I'm not a therapist (altho...