Turn That Feedback Upside Down

Is feedback painful? Do you hate both giving AND receiving feedback?

Most people, in my experience, tend to avoid feedback because there is pain and even emotional trauma attached. Critical feedback hurts. Positive feedback, when it comes at all, isn't always enough to counter the trauma of the critical feedback.

We do need critical feedback. We need to be able to benefit from observations and experiences to improve our performance going forward. As leaders, we have a responsibility to provide our team members with both support and challenge. Feedback should be part of that challenge.

But it's not really "feedback" unless it's flipped upside down.

On my Fender amplifier, if I play my guitar too loud and too close to the speaker the sound feeds-back. I like that sound (it reminds me of Jimi Hendrix) but many people don't and it certainly would not fit in most worship services or orchestra pits. The feedback is essentially telling me to turn it down.

But I don't need (nor want) anyone else to tell me that. I can simply observe the noise and adjust the sound by taking action.

What if we thought of feedback (or advice) like that? What if we turned it upside down?

Most models of feedback recommend a process that starts with connection (good so far) and then as early as step two give your advice, state your data...something like that. To the person receiving the feedback, it's when you unload on them.

Ouch.

I've got a better way. Turn it upside down.

1. Agreement: connect and agree to share some observations about a recent performance.
2. Their observations: ask them first for their observations on the performance. What worked well for them? What, if anything, would they change next time?
3. Ask if they'd like to hear your observations. If they say "yes" then provide your observations. If they decline, explore their reluctance and look for an agreement for when would be a good time to share your observations.
4. Commitment: close on an agreement for what to expect in the future. What changes, if any, will be made? How important is the agreement? How committed are you both at supporting the change?

Here's the slide from one of my Feedback classes:

It's not the ONLY way to approach feedback. It IS one more thing to remember but it's easy enough: just reverse the order of the feedback. THEY go first, and THEN you go. Often, their self-evaluation will be far more critical than yours ever would have been and you can simply agree "what an accurate observation -- that's what I thought..."

Try it. See what difference it makes. 

-- doug smith