Turn That Feedback Upside Down

image: https://pixabay.com/photos/feedback-report-back-business-people-3653368/

Is feedback painful? Do you hate both giving AND receiving feedback?

Most people, in my experience, tend to avoid feedback because there is pain and even emotional trauma attached. Critical feedback hurts. Positive feedback, when it comes at all, isn't always enough to counter the trauma of the critical feedback.

We do need critical feedback. We need to be able to benefit from observations and experiences to improve our performance going forward. As leaders, we have a responsibility to provide our team members with both support and challenge. Feedback should be part of that challenge.

But it's not really "feedback" unless it's flipped upside down.

image: https://media.musiciansfriend.com/is/image/MMGS7/Vintage-1974-Fender-VIBROSONIC-Tube-Guitar-Combo-Amp/000000119462487-00-500x500.jpg

On my Fender amplifier, if I play my guitar too loud and too close to the speaker the sound feeds-back. I like that sound (it reminds me of Jimi Hendrix) but many people don't and it certainly would not fit in most worship services or orchestra pits. The feedback is essentially telling me to turn it down.

But I don't need (nor want) anyone else to tell me that. I can simply observe the noise and adjust the sound by taking action.

What if we thought of feedback (or advice) like that? What if we turned it upside down?

Most models of feedback recommend a process that starts with connection (good so far) and then as early as step two give your advice, state your data...something like that. To the person receiving the feedback, it's when you unload on them.

Ouch.

I've got a better way. Turn it upside down.

Agreement: connect and agree to share some observations about a recent performance.
Their observations: ask them first for their observations on the performance. What worked well for them? What, if anything, would they change next time?
Ask if they'd like to hear your observations. If they say "yes" then provide your observations. If they decline, explore their reluctance and look for an agreement for when would be a good time to share your observations.
Commitment: close on an agreement for what to expect in the future. What changes, if any, will be made? How important is the agreement? How committed are you both at supporting the change?

Here's the slide from one of my Feedback classes:

It's not the ONLY way to approach feedback. It IS one more thing to remember but it's easy enough: just reverse the order of the feedback. THEY go first, and THEN you go. Often, their self-evaluation will be far more critical than yours ever would have been and you can simply agree "what an accurate observation -- that's what I thought..."

Try it. See what difference it makes.

-- doug smith

Comments

Bright Spots

We need to know how to improve, so as leaders part of our job is to provide the feedback-for-improvement that our teams need. Specifically, timely, kindly. It's easy to remember that if not so easy to do. We should also remember to call attention to what is working. Let people know what is great. Share our stories of how the team is excelling. Sharing the bright spots lights the way. The more we see what works, the better we can make it work. What positive bright spot can you share with your team today? -- doug smith

Service Appreciation

Delivering excellent service is tough enough and sometimes it's not enough, according to our customers. With some customer wanting a miracle, or a policy change, it mean that even when we do our best it may not be perceived as enough. We could have always done more. We should have somehow changed the world in order to change their outcome. Other times, customers are generous in their thanks. Our extra steps are appreciated, our efforts are more than enough, and our customers are happy to do business with us. We should work as if the second group of customers -- the real appreciators, the happy ones, are the norm and hold onto the joy they share. There are no guarantees that our service will be appreciated, but that's not why we do it. We serve because that's where the joy lives, in helping others. -- doug smith

Goals with Bonus Benefits

Goals are important, but if you haven't achieved a goal does that mean that you've failed? Not always and certainly not completely. It's possible that a better goal opened up while you were working om the one that you left behind. Maybe you simply prioritized something more valuable. We shouldn't expect to achieve every goal because if we do either our goals are too small or our priorities are too rigid. A goal can be successful without being achieved. We learn. We grow. We adjust. We connect -- many ways that we are enriched by working toward something whether or not we achieve it. Of course we do want to achieve our goals. Even when we don't, though, we learn. What has your most recent unachieved goal taught you? -- doug smith

Too Much Advice?

What happens with unsolicited advice? Probably nothing. If you didn't ask for a piece of advice, why would you take it? Well, then what happens to advice that you do ask for? Isn't that a whole different matter? Different, yes, and yet often the outcome is the same: advice given and then ignored. It's easy to give advice because we all have opinions on everything, even stuff we don't know anything about. Taking advice is harder because A) the advice we get is often wrong, B) the advice we get is usually hard, and C) the advice we get often doesn't work. As someone who is sometimes paid to give advice I've had to learn the primary consultant's rule of advice giving: first ask the questions and then let the client determine the best advice. It takes longer. It can take much longer. It's not immediately satisfying, but it works much better. I'm working on slowing down my approach to giving advice and yet I still go too fast sometimes. How about you? He...

Joy at Work

Identify your source of joy, apply it to your work, and your work becomes a source of joy. -- doug smith

A Key to Happiness

We all like to be happy. Many people devote their entire lives to being happy, trying a series of things until they find something that seems to work. I don't pretend to have the key to happiness but I've lived and worked long enough to learn one wonderful way to get there. If you want the secret to happiness, find out what you can do that makes other people happy. Then...do that. What are your keys to happiness? -- doug smith

Agenda Reveals Character

You can tell much about someone by what they plan to do. You might learn all you need to know about someone by their plan, their strategy, their approach to communicating (or not communicating). Agenda is revealing. Agenda reveals character. Read the signals. No amount of accommodation will change a person's character. Maybe start with the agenda, and if you can't get that to an acceptable plan, read the signals. -- doug smith

Courage Continuum

Small acts of courage lead to big acts of courage. It starts out tough and stays tough yet one courageous act leads to an even more courageous act, just like building a muscle. What courageous thing will you do this week? -- doug smith

Tried That?

Ever work on a problem so long that you've got a half of a dozen solutions buzzing around like bees near a flower? What if those bees are really wasps? What if the value of your solutions is less than the lessons of the problem? Yikes! We can't solve a problem until we let go of the solutions that don't work. To get started, let go. -- doug smith

What's Your Cause

What's your cause? No matter what level of leadership we choose to lead in, our chances of gaining support depend on why we are leading. What's the cause? What's the purpose? What's the intended result? People look for leaders of causes they believe in. What's your cause? -- doug smith

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