Turn That Feedback Upside Down

image: https://pixabay.com/photos/feedback-report-back-business-people-3653368/

Is feedback painful? Do you hate both giving AND receiving feedback?

Most people, in my experience, tend to avoid feedback because there is pain and even emotional trauma attached. Critical feedback hurts. Positive feedback, when it comes at all, isn't always enough to counter the trauma of the critical feedback.

We do need critical feedback. We need to be able to benefit from observations and experiences to improve our performance going forward. As leaders, we have a responsibility to provide our team members with both support and challenge. Feedback should be part of that challenge.

But it's not really "feedback" unless it's flipped upside down.

image: https://media.musiciansfriend.com/is/image/MMGS7/Vintage-1974-Fender-VIBROSONIC-Tube-Guitar-Combo-Amp/000000119462487-00-500x500.jpg

On my Fender amplifier, if I play my guitar too loud and too close to the speaker the sound feeds-back. I like that sound (it reminds me of Jimi Hendrix) but many people don't and it certainly would not fit in most worship services or orchestra pits. The feedback is essentially telling me to turn it down.

But I don't need (nor want) anyone else to tell me that. I can simply observe the noise and adjust the sound by taking action.

What if we thought of feedback (or advice) like that? What if we turned it upside down?

Most models of feedback recommend a process that starts with connection (good so far) and then as early as step two give your advice, state your data...something like that. To the person receiving the feedback, it's when you unload on them.

Ouch.

I've got a better way. Turn it upside down.

Agreement: connect and agree to share some observations about a recent performance.
Their observations: ask them first for their observations on the performance. What worked well for them? What, if anything, would they change next time?
Ask if they'd like to hear your observations. If they say "yes" then provide your observations. If they decline, explore their reluctance and look for an agreement for when would be a good time to share your observations.
Commitment: close on an agreement for what to expect in the future. What changes, if any, will be made? How important is the agreement? How committed are you both at supporting the change?

Here's the slide from one of my Feedback classes:

It's not the ONLY way to approach feedback. It IS one more thing to remember but it's easy enough: just reverse the order of the feedback. THEY go first, and THEN you go. Often, their self-evaluation will be far more critical than yours ever would have been and you can simply agree "what an accurate observation -- that's what I thought..."

Try it. See what difference it makes.

-- doug smith

Comments

Connect With Respect

It's the start of a better, deeper, more productive conversation. It's the small effort to make a big impression in establishing relationship. Connect with respect. You don't have to love the person you're interacting with (although, wouldn't that help?) but if you make the effort to demonstrate respect whatever you have to share will land with more credibility. It is a leadership strength. Connect with respect. Smile. Make eye contact. Listen. Honor customs, traditions, even organizational hierarchy. The choice of course is up to you. It's a very personal choice to connect with respect. If you make that choice, I think you will like the results. -- doug smith PS: I didn't expect to use a picture featuring a horse for this posting but when I saw it there was a deep feeling a respect showing. Action Step: Find a picture that represents respect for you and for a week, keep it close enough to look at it for a bit every day.

More Service Please

Would you agree that what we need is more service, not less? And yet, everywhere we look we see service slipping away, drifting into some lip-service pretending or worse yet, not even pretending. It is often a financial decision: you can have it nice or you can have it cheap. Over and over and over again people will choose cheap, even when that is not what they really want. We are better than that. You're better than that. I certainly hope that I'm better than that, too. If the level of service you provide depends on the payment you receive you are doing it wrong. Everyone deserves the very best service that you can possibly provide. -- doug smith

Serve With Love

Leaders must serve. We don't all like that. Sometimes, we'd prefer to be served. But, think about it. We serve our customers. We serve our boards. We serve (yes, we do) our team members. We even serve our peers and of course we serve our bosses. That gives us an important choice: we can serve gladly, or we can serve madly. The work is the same; the emotion is different. The difference between serving with resentment and serving with love is the difference between hardship and happiness. Doesn't happiness feel better? -- doug smith

Enjoy The Outcomes

Every problem leads to an outcome. Some you want and some you definitely do not want. You're going to prefer the outcomes of the problems you solve. Don't you think so? -- doug smith

Angry Leaders Fall

It is scary to watch someone lose their temper. Yelling, screaming, slamming, isn't it all unnecessary? Calm it down. Breathe. Relax. If you burn too hot you burn out fast. - - doug smith

Who Defines Your Goals?

Maybe your goals are assigned to you from someone else. If you have a job, that's probably true about many of your goals. But in the end, isn't it really up to you? What you do, when you do it, how you do it, no matter how formalized the process you are still involved and deciding. You define your goals and you define when those goals are done. Finish what you started, or kiss that goal goodbye. -- doug smith

Roots of Their Own

What looks like the root cause of a problem may have roots of its own. Keep digging. The rush to solve may leave things unresolved. -- doug smith

Instant Coach

Ask someone about their goals. You'll be doing them a favor. -- doug smith

Serving with Joy

Serving without the expectation of reward provides its own reward. If you are familiar with that feeling that means you're doing it right. And, if you're not, it's never too late to start serving with joy, serving with compassion, serving with enthusiasm. -- doug smith

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