Turn That Feedback Upside Down

image: https://pixabay.com/photos/feedback-report-back-business-people-3653368/

Is feedback painful? Do you hate both giving AND receiving feedback?

Most people, in my experience, tend to avoid feedback because there is pain and even emotional trauma attached. Critical feedback hurts. Positive feedback, when it comes at all, isn't always enough to counter the trauma of the critical feedback.

We do need critical feedback. We need to be able to benefit from observations and experiences to improve our performance going forward. As leaders, we have a responsibility to provide our team members with both support and challenge. Feedback should be part of that challenge.

But it's not really "feedback" unless it's flipped upside down.

image: https://media.musiciansfriend.com/is/image/MMGS7/Vintage-1974-Fender-VIBROSONIC-Tube-Guitar-Combo-Amp/000000119462487-00-500x500.jpg

On my Fender amplifier, if I play my guitar too loud and too close to the speaker the sound feeds-back. I like that sound (it reminds me of Jimi Hendrix) but many people don't and it certainly would not fit in most worship services or orchestra pits. The feedback is essentially telling me to turn it down.

But I don't need (nor want) anyone else to tell me that. I can simply observe the noise and adjust the sound by taking action.

What if we thought of feedback (or advice) like that? What if we turned it upside down?

Most models of feedback recommend a process that starts with connection (good so far) and then as early as step two give your advice, state your data...something like that. To the person receiving the feedback, it's when you unload on them.

Ouch.

I've got a better way. Turn it upside down.

Agreement: connect and agree to share some observations about a recent performance.
Their observations: ask them first for their observations on the performance. What worked well for them? What, if anything, would they change next time?
Ask if they'd like to hear your observations. If they say "yes" then provide your observations. If they decline, explore their reluctance and look for an agreement for when would be a good time to share your observations.
Commitment: close on an agreement for what to expect in the future. What changes, if any, will be made? How important is the agreement? How committed are you both at supporting the change?

Here's the slide from one of my Feedback classes:

It's not the ONLY way to approach feedback. It IS one more thing to remember but it's easy enough: just reverse the order of the feedback. THEY go first, and THEN you go. Often, their self-evaluation will be far more critical than yours ever would have been and you can simply agree "what an accurate observation -- that's what I thought..."

Try it. See what difference it makes.

-- doug smith

Comments

Go Get It

It might seem that all you need to achieve that goal is a little help. A bit of a boost. Someone to provide feedback and encouragement. You're right. If all you need is a little help to achieve your goal, then definitely go get that help. The person who could help you really does want to help you. -- doug smith

Strong

It''s a challenge to your composure, to your centeredness. It's an attack on your boundaries. How do you react? Nothing gives anyone the right to impose their problem on your property. While it's not cause for aggression, it's also not cause for surrender. Stand strong. Remain resilient. Be bold yet kind. A smile works as well during a refusal as it does during a deal. Smile, stand strong, or move along. When the need for creativity arises, creative problem solving is on your side. Bring your adversary into the picture. Ask, instead of demand. Then collaborate on a creative mix of solutions with at least one too good to refuse. -- doug smith

Details

"It's all in the details." "Measure twice, cut once." "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." "Get it right, get it right, get it right..." Details. As a front line leader it is ever so tempting to pour on the details until they completely cover every possible contingency. As a highly analytical person, I've given into that temptation many times. The risk to making instructions too detailed is that they will not be followed. That doesn't imply malice, it simple acknowledges that: our attention spans are short no process is perfect anyway action creates momentum That third one is key. Action creates momentum, so get moving. Correct as we proceed, but for heaven's sake, get moving. -- doug smith

Time and Possibility

There was a time when time seemed to close in on me like a shrinking cell. I could hear the ticking like a serious soundtrack constantly reminding me that urgency had to rule or time would shrink away. But time doesn't shrink away. Time does not care what you do about it and if you hear ticking it's from a real clock, not your lost time. Time is not a ticking clock, it's a fluid sea of possibility. Find the wave and ride. Connect with your school of creatives and invent new boundaries. Swim and win. The possibilities are endless. And...so is time. -- doug smith

Time and Feelings

Using time productively is of course important. Managing work and activities, reducing wasted time, optimizing performance, these all matter. And you know what else matters? How you feel about it. The time is yours. Even when other people make decisions about your time, your approach to what you do is always up to you. It's not just what you do with your time that matters, it's also how you feel about what you do with your time. What's your answer? -- doug smith

Not Perfect?

Have you ever held onto a problem just because you couldn't find the perfect solution, an elegant, efficient, bruise-free choice? That effort -- for perfection -- has slowed me down a number of times. Perfection can be such a bother, because nothing is perfect in this life and never will be. There's no perfect way to solve a problem -- but you don't need perfection to solve it. If you can find the best way, that is certainly good enough. -- doug smith

You've Got More

Do you know what is the best thing about potential? You've always got more. It's the same for capacity -- you can always dig deeper, extend farther, lift more. Think about some of the best things you've ever done. You're amazing, aren't you? There's more in the tank. There's great work ahead. The best you can do is better than you think it is. Won't it be fun when you discover that? -- doug smith

Good News, Bad News

The bad news is that you are the biggest thief of your time. The good news is that you can change that. We all waste time. We can all waste less. Productivity is a choice. -- doug smith

Something Good

You don't always find what you're looking for but if you keep looking you'll find something good. -- doug smith

Routine Benefits

Do you have a regular morning routine? Setting a routine that establishes good habits is a great way to continue your grown, energize yourself, and get each day started right. Only you can determine what should be in that routine -- some people are heavy on exercise, others in medication, prayer, or contemplation, others in reading, writing, whatever sets you up for success. It takes discipline to get a healthy routine started. Distractions happen. Once the routine that works for you is in motion though you'll find it easier and easier to stick with. Once you realize that it works, why would you ever stop? You could probably measure this level of success. Plenty of people do. This is a case where the metrics don't matter as much as the intangible results -- clarity, composure, centeredness, even comfort. The comfort of a regular routine is an unquantifiable bliss. What's your morning routine? -- doug smith

doug smith training

Search This Blog