doug smith training

We live at a time defined by our differences. Arguments prevail. Dialogue, once so vibrant, is often disturbed by the percussive discussions of differing views. These differing views could lead to valuable insights, if we were just able and willing to examine our differences. What if we could share our perspectives without judging each other? It could start by opening up, by telling more about who each of us really is inside. Where do the things we say come from? What makes us who we are? Tell your story. Tell your views. Share your perspective. When we can do that with an open mind, any level of communication becomes possible. Who will know who you really are unless you tell them? Talk about it. Then, listen. -- doug smith

Clarify. What seems obvious may not be correct. Our perspective filters everything. Clarify. -- doug smith

When was the last time that you were lied to? Maybe you know, and maybe you don't. It could depend on the lie. The person who lied to you could be so good at lying that you still don't know. Or, maybe they didn't even consider it to be a lie -- but it is. Lies cause hardship and heartbreak. Lies damage relationships and distort results. And yet, we all lie. Maybe because we don't realize the extent of the harm that lies cause. Destroyed trust, broken promises, unfair distribution of limited resources, lost opportunities... If we knew -- really knew -- how harmful lies really are we might stop telling them. You could stop today. I could stop today. Let's stop. -- doug smith Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.  -- Don Miguel Ruiz "Lying to ourselves is more dee

Did you ever wonder why someone wasn't giving you want you expected? Did you ask? -- doug smith

I know how it feels to fail to communicate. For too long I would keep my feelings to myself. Too many times my thoughts were secret. All too often my silence would be assumed as agreement when that simply was not true. No more. I've focused on improving, on developing my communication skills, and whenever possible, to help other people with theirs. Because it's so important. In many ways, it's the whole ball game. Fail to communicate and how will you ever get what you want? Fail to communicate and how will you manage to make a positive difference in the world? Few things hurt more or do more damage than failure to communicate. I'm still learning how to communicate more effectively. How about you? -- doug smith

How much time did you spend listening today? Mouth shut. Eyes alert. Body turned toward the person talking. Mind open to all except the inner judge. That inner judge can shut up for now, it's time to listen. Breathless, curious, daring to wonder - listening. Motionless, fascinated, unattached - listening. We crave that level of listening and hardly ever receive it, so give it, give it, give it generously: listen. I've never met anyone who thought they were listed to too much. Give them more: listen. -- doug smith

Sometimes it's quiet. Sometimes no one is talking. Listen anyway. Listen with your eyes. Listen with your body. Listen with your heart. Quiet may not even mean what you think, so listen. Let the silence sing a song you eventually understand. Silence is your friend. It's a great place to rest and listen. Listen in the silence -- you might be surprised at what you hear. -- doug smith

Do you paraphrase when you're listening? Communication is a two-way dynamic. It's so easy to assume that we're being understood. More often than not, the door to misunderstanding is open wider than we know. People read between the lines. Attention wanders. We make stuff up. Clear the fog. Listen actively for clarity. It's so important to understand. I don't think we can ever reach a meaningful and fair agreement with someone UNTIL we understand them. Completely. Clearly. Without a hidden agenda or misrepresentation. I will do my best to paraphrase someone I am in dialogue with so that I can clarify MY misunderstandings and help them make their meaning clear. I crave that understanding. How about you? Are you actively paraphrasing the people you listen to? I don't know what you've heard until you tell me. What do you think? -- Doug Smith

You've been there -- stuck in small talk. Circles upon circles of who-cares kind of banter. Sports, the weather, political situations you can't change. Blabber. I don't wait for it to change on its own, because it won't, unless you're talking with a highly skilled conversationalist. And, if you're not, it's up to you. Take the conversation deeper. Ask questions. Find out how your conversational partner feels. Find out what they think. Dig deeper. It's as if you are conducting the best interview ever, with no secret agenda. You're not there to embarrass or expose anyone -- you just want to understand them. And, only after THAT has happened, help them to understand you as well. Ask for a deeper conversation and see what happens. Show the way. I find that my CLUES to success helps here: - Create agreements - Listen with curiosity - Understand the facts and feelings - Express yourself clearly and positively - Share responsibility for su

If we can talk about it, we can deal with it. It all stacks up. We face conflict around every corner. Even from people who with think are our closest friends and allies, we occasionally (daily?) feel the discomfort of disagreement. It's a time to stretch. It's a time to learn. It's a time to start and sustain conversations that reach for understanding, even when agreement is our of view. When we can understand each other, we can begin to dig the conversation deeper into new territory. We can feel each other's pain, appreciate each other's passion, and calculate sensibly each other's logic. If we can talk about it, we can deal it. No matter how big the problem. No matter how distant the goal. Find the person who troubles you the most and start that conversation. You'll be glad that you did, if you listen to understand. What do you need to talk about today? -- Doug Smith

Once you realize what you need to take about with another person, talk about it! Delaying the conversation will not help. Ignoring the need will hurt the situation. Talk about it. -- Doug Smith

Are you putting off an important conversation? I do it sometimes. It ends up nagging at me. The thing to do is talk. Get the subject open. Start the conversation. Delayed conversations don't get easier. Now is the time . -- Doug Smith

Communicating effectively is a skill AND a choice. The skill takes practice and training. The choice takes intention based on values and character. We aren't born gifted communicators -- we develop or not. How are you developing your communication skills? -- Doug Smith

Have you ever tried to get someone to buy into one of your goals, only to have them steadfastly resist? It seems so easy to understand why we'd want to work on our goals, but it's not always so easy for others. What does the goal mean? What benefits are there in the goal? How will things be better? Which problem does your goal help to solve? Once we find shared meaning on our goals, it's much easier to inspire action on them. Figure out what your goals mean to others -- and help them to understand that. If it matters to them, your goal is well on its way toward success. -- Doug Smith

"The greatest motivational act one person can do for another is to listen." -- Roy Moody How would your work and your life be different if everyone you encountered listened carefully, compassionately, and attentively to each other? It seems so simple, yet it's not. Listening takes focus. Listening takes attention. Listening positively takes curiosity. How curious are you when you listen? Here's what I'm working on: listening without judging. I remember a time when I had an answer to every question, an opinion to every view, and something to say in any situation. I wasn't wise enough to know that smart wasn't always enough. We need to listen. Listening is a gift as profound as any you might give today. Who will you give that free yet awesome gift? -- Doug Smith

I hate hidden agendas. When people have motives that they do not reveal it is the worst kind of lie. That's why I appreciate the truth so much. We can't all, and can't always, handle radical truth. We need a little filtering to keep from walking around with bruised feelings all of the time. We can handle truth delivered with respect. We can handle truth that is useful. And, we can certainly handle the truth about our goals. What do you want? What's your biggest goal? Once we start sharing that level of truth we can genuinely help each other the most. Being honest about our goals is necessary to tell the truth. What do you want, how do you define the success of what you want, and when do you want it. Action word + result you want + time.  That's what I call ART goals and the best way to get the most out of them is to be upfront and honest. Once we know what we want, we can intelligently decide whether to agree or not. Anything less is pretending. Go for

Whose turn is it to call? Is there someone in your life who is important to you, but who you haven't talked to for a while? Who called who last? It doesn't matter. It's not a score keeping call. Make the call. My closest friend in the world reminded me today that the phone goes both ways. We talk a lot on the phone, and she was wondering when the last time was that I called my son. Too long if it wasn't today. So I called him. And he's fine. And the next time I'm asked when was the last time I've talked to him, the answer will be easy to come up with. Don't wait. Make the call. You'll be glad that you did. Doug Smith

When you work to solve a problem, what work do you put into improving communication? How much of your problem solving action plan is focused on communication? Communication matters. Few problems can be truly permanently solved unless there is a change in how people communicate. What's your plan? You may not have solved the problem unless you've also improved or enhanced communication. What does enhanced communication look like? Better, deeper conversations. More trusting relationships. More powerful presentations. More productive meetings. When project managers do an outstanding job of delivering on their project and solving a problem, they improve communication along the way. What are you doing to improve your communication today? -- Doug Smith Front Range Leadership:  High Performance Leadership Training doug smith training:  helping people communicate more effectively What have you learned today?

Have you ever caught someone simply "going through the motions" in communicating with you? They say the right words, their motions seems fine, they just aren't fully engaged in what's going on. They appear to listen, but it feels like their mind is somewhere else. So many of us go through the motions. We read our mobile phones when we're with loved ones we seldom see. We keep an eye on the television while our significant others tells us something important (hint - when it comes from your significant other it's all important), we phone it in. It's one of my biggest faults and it has recently come back to haunt me as I experienced that level of inattentive attention returned. It doesn't look mean, it doesn't look premeditated, and yet it hurts at a level that sinks gradually deeper until it can't be excised. The other day I was riding my bike and I came upon a man playing with his dog. At first it looked really charming. The dog was ve