It's More Than the Motions

Have you ever caught someone simply "going through the motions" in communicating with you?

They say the right words, their motions seems fine, they just aren't fully engaged in what's going on. They appear to listen, but it feels like their mind is somewhere else.

So many of us go through the motions. We read our mobile phones when we're with loved ones we seldom see. We keep an eye on the television while our significant others tells us something important (hint - when it comes from your significant other it's all important), we phone it in.

It's one of my biggest faults and it has recently come back to haunt me as I experienced that level of inattentive attention returned. It doesn't look mean, it doesn't look premeditated, and yet it hurts at a level that sinks gradually deeper until it can't be excised.

The other day I was riding my bike and I came upon a man playing with his dog. At first it looked really charming. The dog was very earnest in the pursuit of the ball that the man threw (using some contraption on a stick that kept him from having to bend over too far).

But then I noticed what the dog struggled with. The man was really paying no attention to the dog at all. He was occupied in a conversation on his mobile phone. He went through the motions, and kept the dog busy, but never gave the dog what it was really looking for: companionship, praise, feedback, interaction. They were just going through the motions.

It was profoundly sad in a way (granted, I'm going through some sadness right now that filters what I see, but still) because the dog wasn't really getting what the dog wanted out of the interaction and the man was simply fooling himself into thinking that he was keeping the dog happy. He wasn't. The dog was keeping itself happy, but missing what it cared about the most.

The following I write more for me than anyone else, and I hope others will also benefit:

Don't miss what you care about the most.

When someone is talking with you, give them your full attention.

When you have the opportunity to share your presence with loved ones: show up. Be there. Interact. Listen with curiosity. Enjoy the space between you.

When you catch someone "going through the motions" with you, call them out. Ask the what they really want in that moment. Maybe it's not the right time. Maybe they are avoiding the conversation you both really need to have. But whatever you do, where ever you are, do not ever settle for going through the motions again

Life is too short for that nonsense.

-- Doug Smith

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Something Good

You don't always find what you're looking for but if you keep looking you'll find something good. -- doug smith

Strong

It''s a challenge to your composure, to your centeredness. It's an attack on your boundaries. How do you react? Nothing gives anyone the right to impose their problem on your property. While it's not cause for aggression, it's also not cause for surrender. Stand strong. Remain resilient. Be bold yet kind. A smile works as well during a refusal as it does during a deal. Smile, stand strong, or move along. When the need for creativity arises, creative problem solving is on your side. Bring your adversary into the picture. Ask, instead of demand. Then collaborate on a creative mix of solutions with at least one too good to refuse. -- doug smith

Go Get It

It might seem that all you need to achieve that goal is a little help. A bit of a boost. Someone to provide feedback and encouragement. You're right. If all you need is a little help to achieve your goal, then definitely go get that help. The person who could help you really does want to help you. -- doug smith

Details

"It's all in the details." "Measure twice, cut once." "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." "Get it right, get it right, get it right..." Details. As a front line leader it is ever so tempting to pour on the details until they completely cover every possible contingency. As a highly analytical person, I've given into that temptation many times. The risk to making instructions too detailed is that they will not be followed. That doesn't imply malice, it simple acknowledges that: our attention spans are short no process is perfect anyway action creates momentum That third one is key. Action creates momentum, so get moving. Correct as we proceed, but for heaven's sake, get moving. -- doug smith

Opportunity Uncovered

Life is opportunity. What we believe can uncover -- or cover over that opportunity. What you believe is up to you. -- doug smith

Routine Benefits

Do you have a regular morning routine? Setting a routine that establishes good habits is a great way to continue your grown, energize yourself, and get each day started right. Only you can determine what should be in that routine -- some people are heavy on exercise, others in medication, prayer, or contemplation, others in reading, writing, whatever sets you up for success. It takes discipline to get a healthy routine started. Distractions happen. Once the routine that works for you is in motion though you'll find it easier and easier to stick with. Once you realize that it works, why would you ever stop? You could probably measure this level of success. Plenty of people do. This is a case where the metrics don't matter as much as the intangible results -- clarity, composure, centeredness, even comfort. The comfort of a regular routine is an unquantifiable bliss. What's your morning routine? -- doug smith

The Joy of Small Goals

No one needs to convince you that big goals are important to your success. One of my favorite bosses had an expression she used cheerfully and often: "Go big or go home." Small goals matter, too. They build practice. They build skills. They create great habits that lead to completing your much larger goals. Small goals, once achieved, are great sources of joy. What small goal are you working on today? -- doug smith

One Kind of Choice

It is not always the answer, but surprisingly often it is: It's easier to hire a motivated worker than it is to motivate an unmotivated one. That's not the end of the story. It could be great hiring advice though. Whatever the technical skills are for people you are interviewing to hire, be sure to ask some questions about motivation that can't be answered with a yes or no. Questions like: When were you the most motivated in your life? What kinds of work motivate you? What's your approach to a work day when for one reason or another you don't feel very motivated? If you had been here for one week, what would we see that shows us how motivated you are? Start there, and follow-up with more questions. Give each candidate time to convince you whether or not they will bring motivation to your organization. You can teach people almost anything, but it's always easier if they are already motivated. -- doug smith

You've Got More

Do you know what is the best thing about potential? You've always got more. It's the same for capacity -- you can always dig deeper, extend farther, lift more. Think about some of the best things you've ever done. You're amazing, aren't you? There's more in the tank. There's great work ahead. The best you can do is better than you think it is. Won't it be fun when you discover that? -- doug smith

Time and Feelings

Using time productively is of course important. Managing work and activities, reducing wasted time, optimizing performance, these all matter. And you know what else matters? How you feel about it. The time is yours. Even when other people make decisions about your time, your approach to what you do is always up to you. It's not just what you do with your time that matters, it's also how you feel about what you do with your time. What's your answer? -- doug smith

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