It's More Than the Motions

Have you ever caught someone simply "going through the motions" in communicating with you?

They say the right words, their motions seems fine, they just aren't fully engaged in what's going on. They appear to listen, but it feels like their mind is somewhere else.

So many of us go through the motions. We read our mobile phones when we're with loved ones we seldom see. We keep an eye on the television while our significant others tells us something important (hint - when it comes from your significant other it's all important), we phone it in.

It's one of my biggest faults and it has recently come back to haunt me as I experienced that level of inattentive attention returned. It doesn't look mean, it doesn't look premeditated, and yet it hurts at a level that sinks gradually deeper until it can't be excised.

The other day I was riding my bike and I came upon a man playing with his dog. At first it looked really charming. The dog was very earnest in the pursuit of the ball that the man threw (using some contraption on a stick that kept him from having to bend over too far).

But then I noticed what the dog struggled with. The man was really paying no attention to the dog at all. He was occupied in a conversation on his mobile phone. He went through the motions, and kept the dog busy, but never gave the dog what it was really looking for: companionship, praise, feedback, interaction. They were just going through the motions.

It was profoundly sad in a way (granted, I'm going through some sadness right now that filters what I see, but still) because the dog wasn't really getting what the dog wanted out of the interaction and the man was simply fooling himself into thinking that he was keeping the dog happy. He wasn't. The dog was keeping itself happy, but missing what it cared about the most.

The following I write more for me than anyone else, and I hope others will also benefit:

Don't miss what you care about the most.

When someone is talking with you, give them your full attention.

When you have the opportunity to share your presence with loved ones: show up. Be there. Interact. Listen with curiosity. Enjoy the space between you.

When you catch someone "going through the motions" with you, call them out. Ask the what they really want in that moment. Maybe it's not the right time. Maybe they are avoiding the conversation you both really need to have. But whatever you do, where ever you are, do not ever settle for going through the motions again

Life is too short for that nonsense.

-- Doug Smith

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How to Analyze Root Cause Using Mindmaps

The Five Why's is a famous and useful tool for conducting a root cause analysis in problem solving. I've applied the idea of asking why five (more or less) times to get at the root cause and applied it to mind mapping. Since many problems have more than one cause, applying the process to a mind map keeps the door open for identifying many possible causes. While any one may appear to be the root cause, it is only in comparing all of them that you can clearly see the best opportunity. Here's the process that I use:

Start your mind map by writing your problem in the center. (In the example above, Stairway Accidents is the problem.)Radiat out reasons why there is a problem. What are the causes? What causes that cause? ("what causes" is as useful as "why" and without the emotional turmoil.)For each cause, ask why it's true or what causes it. Why that cause? What causes that - and radiate out your answers.Some "what causes that" may produce more…

Use Your Leadership Strengths

Our leadership strengths are like muscles. The more we use them, the more we apply them to situations, the stronger our strengths become.

How many problems could stand up to you using all of your clarity, courage, creativity, and compassion?

Use your leadership strengths. Develop your leadership skills. Solve those problems and achieve those goals with the ease and elegance that you deserve.

-- doug smith

Can You Stay Humble?

Have you known any leaders who let power go to their heads? Some people, once they gain leadership responsibility, allow their self-image and self-interests to take on outrageous proportions. But, leadership is not about selfishness. There is a major difference between healthy self-image and limitless self-interest. High performance leaders care about other people.

The results are important, and so are the people. To get there, to take care of people to such a degree that they of course work hard to achieve the desired results, a leader must control that ego. A leader must be humble.

You'll know when you are practicing humility: you'll be curious. You'll be patient. You'll be kind. If you're doing all that already, excellent and please continue. If you're not, the opportunity is there. True influence and power requires humility.

Humility is an early sign of understanding, and it's in the understanding that we begin to agree, to change, to grow, and to achi…

Easy Answers

Are you looking for an easy answer?

We have so many simplified solutions these days. Our web sites give us big fonts to read, our phones send us reminders and even count our steps (got to get those 10k per day!) and our cars give us automatic transmission, power brakes, automatic lights, and soon will even drive themselves so that we can sit absorbed in our phones.

We've been getting used to easy answers. I'm not advocating giving back those easy answers - without a GPS I'd spend considerable time lost - but too much leisure also takes away muscle. We need the struggles of a tough solution to keep fit.

As tempting as it is, easy answers are not the only answers. We need a second light to see the shadows behind that all too easy to find solution. What are the complications? Who else is affected? What happens later?

Easy answers often play out hard.

We need more than easy answers because easy answers sometimes play out hard. It's not all grab-and-go, sometimes we need t…

Learning Activity: Zip, Zap, Zoom Alternative

When I attended a regular acting workshop in Denver, Colorado we would often play a game called Zip, Zap, Zoom which some people loved and some people found frustrating. Even though I had great success with most improv games, this game did not work as well for me. That's why I offer this alternative.

Purpose:
To experience the frustration of playing a winning or losing game and then finding ways to convert that to a win/win game in order to develop a creative habit of looking for mutually beneficial outcomes.

Applications:
Conflict resolution. Communication skills. Team building.

Materials:
A writing surface and markers. Dots, or stickers (several for each player)

Process:
Play the game, Zip, Zap, Zoom conventionally in the first round. Form a circle of people, up to twelve people (for larger groups, break into multiple circles). One person starts by looking at a person to their left and saying either zip or zap. If zip, the next person turns to the left and has the same choice. If som…

Go Beyond Analysis

Do you enjoy analyzing a problem? I can analyze all day long. It is useful, and it's even satisfying. But it does not solve the problem. Problems are persistent and do not care about your analysis. To fix a problem, we've got to do something.

Your problem will probably survive analysis. Do more.

-- doug smith

Leadership Call to Action: Think about a problem that you have been analyzing recently. If you have not already done so, write down all the possible causes of that problem.
What is your next step beyond analysis? What part of that step can you do this week?

360 Focus Takes Help

Leaders, of any team, have limited vision. We can only see so much. What we see is also filtered thru our own beliefs and perceptions. A healthy self-image may add a positive spin to an otherwise cautious moment. An unhealthy self-image might make an otherwise positive experience incomplete. We need help seeing it all.

High performance leaders seek, receive, and utilize feedback. That means asking your team how you are doing. It includes talking (frequently) with your boss about your goals and how you are doing on your plan. Getting opinions from your customers also helps balance out your viewpoint. To truly know what's going on, leaders need to ask.

Are you asking? Are you getting the feedback you need from every direction that you need it? Today is a good day to ask someone who works with you, what's working great. And then, ask what you can do better. Because we can always do something better.

-- doug smith

Leadership Call to Action: Ask someone on your team to share with …

Build, Not Break

It's risky to ascribe motives to a problem. A problem is a situation, not an intention. And yet, we often do, don't we? We think of a problem with a personality out to do us harm. We can even think that a problem is out to break us, to wear us down until we don't matter. That is not true. The problem - the situation - does not care. When we pause to identify the goal that we want, instead of focusing on the problem, we can identify ways to achieve that goal and build our way out of trouble and into success.

A problem does not need to break you.

Problems are meant to build you, not break you.

-- doug smith

Learning Activity: Matching Gifts

Purpose:
Open up new possibilities in solving problems and achieving your goals. Identify opportunities to apply your gifts and the gifts of your team to problems and opportunities.

Materials:
Blank Index cards.

Preparation:
Create two decks of cards. One set of cards contains personal gifts and strengths, such as courage, creativity, clarity, compassion, centeredness, influence, charisma, passion, etc. The other set of cards contains current problems or opportunities that could be addressed using your strengths.

Process:
Each person draws a card from each of the two decks and explores whether the gift and opportunity match for them, or whether they match someone else in the room. Describe how whoever has that gift might help meet that opportunity or solve that problem by effectively using that gift.Other participants award points: 1 point for a reasonable explanation, 2 points for a creative and effective explanation, 10 points for an explanation and commitment to apply that gift on to t…

Be Careful of Setting Rules

I think we all have a rebellious ten-year old inside of us who does not like rules. Whenever that inner child encounters rules our natural tendency is to find ways to invalidate or violate the rule. We do not like rules imposed on us by other people, even when the rules make sense. Even when the rules are in our own best interest - I can remember years ago when many people resisted wearing seat belts even though riding in a car is MUCH safer with the seatbelts on. It didn't make any sense to violate the rule, but a rule begs to be broken.

Yet, we do need rules. If you as a leader are tempted to make up rules because your team or your organization is struggling with boundaries, you can set rules -- you just shouldn't do it all by yourself. Get help. Ask people what rules they need. Find out what will be enforceable and what will not, and even more importantly find out what rules are so useful and sensible and sensitive to the desires of others that they don't even need enf…

doug smith training

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