doug smith training

The problem with trying to control someone is the inevitable rebellion that it sparks. Go for influence, not control. -- doug smith 

Doesn't manipulation feel icky? If your inner radar works at all it goes all tingling in full tilt alarm when someone tries to force you into doing something, or tries to trick you into an action you don't want. Walk away from those who seek to win over you, and walk toward those who seek to win you over. -- doug smith 

It's possible for a leader to speak very directly and still be courteous.  Speaking with respect, with dignity, and with consideration for others takes some of us more effort. It is well worth that effort. We don't have to be thrilled with someone's performance to maintain professional courtesy. Showing kindness does not mean giving in. The power of courtesy is felt immediately and lasts a long time. People will remember how you treated them, even if they forget why you treated them that way. Disagreements can dissolve into forgotten details even as the feelings linger forever.  If you catch yourself being short with someone and delivering a pointed response consider pausing long enough to stay curious. What makes you tense? What are they really saying? What's going on? You might still decide on a direct spoken point of view -- sometimes that serves you well -- but you also might decide if it's worth demonstrating respect more than your status. It likely makes you e...

It's intuitive, and yet we forget. It's natural, and yet we surrender. We have the ability to stick to what is truly important and not give up. How much do you want it? How hard are you willing to work? How convinced are you in the nobility of your work? When you are committed, when you are convinced, the convincing becomes easier.  Persistence prevails over resistance. Keep going. -- doug smith

It's hard to convince someone that their solution to a problem doesn't work, until it doesn't work. We cling to our idea. Our experience clarifies our expectations.  When I'm trying to influence someone to consider the ramifications of their ideas, I've learned to first validate the idea (identify whatever is useful about it or appealing) before guiding them thru any analysis of the idea. Seeing the truth can be tough enough, without adding emotional resistance to the mix. It's easier for someone to convince themselves. Convincing them is hard. Let them convince themselves. -- doug smith  

You never know how influential you might be until you try to expand your influence. You never know when the smallest problem solving step might lead to an evolution of ever expanding and more effective steps. You might think you know, you might not. Expand it. Grow it. Get to know people and work on that problem. When a problem is beyond your influence, build your influence. -- doug smith

How do you get people to change? Are there ways to increase and improve your influence? The book Switch, by Chip Heath and Dan Heath is all about influencing others. It's nicely summarized in this video from The Productivity Game, a reliable source of some of my favorite videos.

Who likes change? At one time or another (and probably MOST of the time) we resist change. It's causing us to do something differently and that is an effort we probably did not ask for. If it's not your idea, change is an aggravation. I don't like it when my phone decides to upgrade. Every single new release for the past two years has been worse, not better than the previous one. And yet, I have no control over it other than to switch to another phone that will likely offer the same aggravation. My current choice is to get over it and move on. If I control something, I make the changes that I want (most of the time.) New car? That's up to me. New coffee cup? Ditto. New client? That's in an area of influence, but not control. That's why the flow chart I've created. Do you control it? Then do that. Can you influence the change? Then get busy and build more influence. If you cannot control OR influence a change you still have two choice. You can...

Leading requires following, and not just from your followers. What do you believe in? Where is your faith? What drives you? What is your mission? Great leaders know that their direction - the place they are leading others - is built from a combination of influences, some remembered and some forgotten. It's gravity inside. It's magnetic attraction and a pull that keeps pulling. We influence those influences. What we read, what we learn, what we talk about, the art we appreciate and the people we spend time with...we influence our influences. Why not do that with a sense of purpose and adventure? Every great leader is following something. Are you paying attention to what you're following? -- doug smith

We may need to rally support to find the help we need for solving problems. When it doesn't look as urgent to someone else, when it seems too hard for someone else, when the compelling reason for solving it isn't obvious to someone else, we need to ramp up our influence. That's not always fun, just necessary. Who is ignoring your biggest problem today? How can you rally more support from them? -- Doug Smith

Why do people reject our ideas? If you're like me, this can drive you to distraction. The idea is sound, the logic is flawless, the need is palpable, and yet sometimes people reject our best ideas. Maybe they don't understand them yet. Maybe we don't understand what they are looking for (or more importantly, what they are seeing). The work has just begun. It does not good to walk away pretending we've reached an understanding when what we've really reached is an impasse. Whatever is blocking you usually doesn't go away on its own. We need to work harder at understanding what's going on. People aren't always trying to be difficult (yes, I know that sometimes they are). People don't always find us objectionable (although it can feel like that). Sometimes we just don't understand. We need to understand the value. We need to understand the urgency. We need to understand the need. We need to understand. Otherwise, we're not likely going ...