doug smith training

Any time I'm tempted to judge I want to reach for love instead. It's better for others, and also better for me. -- doug smith

Do you like to be judged? Me, either. It doesn't mean that people don't have to follow rules, because they do. It doesn't mean that we don't care about quality, and fairness, and justice, because we do. But it does mean that maybe judging someone in a moment of emotion is not the best strategy. It does mean that judgement seldom, if ever, changes any one. Today, just for today, can we please go easy on the judgement? Turn the volume down. Dial the intensity lower. Stay kind. Harsh judgment delays peace. Curiosity invites peace in. -- doug smith

Wisdom does not judge. -- doug smith We're all good at judging. I judge all the time - not as much as I used to, though. My goal is to stop judging altogether because it just doesn't give me what I want. People do not respond to it. People do not change their behavior. Judgement just makes us bitter because it doesn't work. I'm not saying that there is no place for judging. Justice is (sadly) as important as peace. You cannot have one without the other if judgment is needed and lacking. We just don't gain anything from being our own personal judges. The bitterness remains, and so does the cause of the reaction. I'm working instead on maintaining unconditional positive regard. People will make mistakes, sometimes even on purpose. Some people will try to take away things of value. They just don't know, or they just don't care. Will my judgment change them? Most certainly, no. Will my unconditional positive regard change them? Probably not. But ...

Listening seems easy until you try it without judging. We're trained to judge from an early age. We judge nearly everything. We like it, we don't like it, we have our reasons our logic our standards and so we judge. Like a celebrity judge on a talent show we judge with confidence and assurance that of course we are right and entitled to judge. Completely. And yet -- what is the point? Do you know anyone who wants your judgement? Do YOU desire anyone else's judgment? Go ahead and judge if you want to, if you must. Here's what I know: if you truly want to listen, listen without judging. Listen with curiosity, as if you don't know the answer already. Because maybe, just maybe, you don't. And, by listening without judgment, you might actually hear. -- doug smith

Do you find it easy to judge? We are taught in so many ways to judge things, to judge people, to judge circumstances...to judge. From some imaginary position of perfection we assess others as if they were lacking some essential ingredient. Or, in some cases, we let judgment of our own skills keep us from trying something new, from forging new ground, from creating. That's a mistake. We need creativity. We need to try new things. We need to explore territory where we won't be instantly criticized, by ourselves or others. High performance leaders value creativity so much that they suspend their sense of judgment often enough to allow creativity to flourish. How about you? Can you allow creativity to flourish? To grow? To blossom? We are more creative when we are less judgmental. Send your inner judge out for milk and cookies. It will make her happy and you'll be free. -- Doug Smith

Are you a fan of your inner judge? We all have an inner judge (sometimes called inner critic) who wants to assess everything. To the inner judge, nothing is ever perfect. To the inner judge, there is always fault to find. How annoying. We grow up with this inner judge and let the judge drive us when we're not paying attention. When we lack focus on what is truly most important our inner judge tries to decide for us, and usually makes poor decisions. As Don Miguel Ruiz has said, "our inner judge lies." Judging a creative idea too soon is not fair to you or to the idea. You'll have time to judge. You'll have time to decide. But imagine how many more possibilities you'll have to work with if you first choose to stay curious. I promise to work on that every day from now on. How about you? -- Doug Smith

How often do you judge people? In my most judgmental of times I can judge everything about a person and find them constantly wanting. But what good does that do? How do I feel about being judged myself? Where does it all lead? We are all deeply flawed humans. We make bad choices. We break things. We hurt people's feelings. That's all true (and more) about me and yet what makes me feel entitled to judge others? It's another mistake. The right balance, the right combination, the right focus, the centered degree of compassion, courage, clarity, and creativity makes much less room for judging others and much more room for working to understand. I need to better understand other people, especially when they aren't sure that they understand themselves. I need help in being understood especially when I'm not operating with the best of clarity myself. It's a dance, but a dance of cooperation, not comparison. It doesn't matter if someone achieves more, gain...

Do you limit your partner's growth? Whether it's a business partner, organizational partner, creative partner, or life partner, do you ever expect them to stay exactly the way they are? I know I've done that. In love with the person who was, I sometimes yearn for more of that same person. I want that same perfect person. But that person changes. We can't stay exactly the way we are. We need to keep growing. Expecting our partner to be perfect is a harsh judgement on ourselves. Relax the judge and watch that wonderful partner grow. Who have you held back a little lately? How can you liberate their creative self today? -- Doug Smith doug smith training:  how to achieve your goals Front Range Leadership:  Training Supervisors for Success What have you learned today?