Relaxing My Temptation to Judge

How often do you judge people?

In my most judgmental of times I can judge everything about a person and find them constantly wanting. But what good does that do? How do I feel about being judged myself? Where does it all lead?

We are all deeply flawed humans. We make bad choices. We break things. We hurt people's feelings. That's all true (and more) about me and yet what makes me feel entitled to judge others?

It's another mistake.

The right balance, the right combination, the right focus, the centered degree of compassion, courage, clarity, and creativity makes much less room for judging others and much more room for working to understand.

I need to better understand other people, especially when they aren't sure that they understand themselves. I need help in being understood especially when I'm not operating with the best of clarity myself. It's a dance, but a dance of cooperation, not comparison. It doesn't matter if someone achieves more, gains more, builds more, or seems better than me. Comparing myself to them only makes me feel bad and does nothing to build any relationships.

Judging people will not make them more effective or better people.

Judging people just makes us sour.

That's not what I want. That's not what I strive for. So for today, I'm going to judge a little less. And maybe tomorrow, I can judge a lot less.

How about you?

-- Doug Smith

What have you learned today?

Comments

The Right People

Who do you get to help you solve your problem? You, of course, that's a given. Also, people who will be impacted by any solution you try. People who are feeling the effects of the problem right now. Even (especially) people who you think may be at the root cause of the problem. Get the benefit of many ideas. Enlist the help of people who will care how it turns out. Collaborate to gain commitment. Engage the right people in creating problem solutions so that they don't become the wrong people while implementing them. -- doug smith

In Front

Problems bring pain. Maybe it's physical, or emotional, or logistical-- as long as the problem is there, so is that pain. When we solve the problems in front of us we can put the pain behind us. -- doug smith

Only Goals That Matter

We're all busy. No one can do everything. Creating meaningful goals matters in order to use our time and resources responsibly. Even when the intention is good, a bad goal is a burden. Unless the goal is important, is is worse than unimportant, it is a distraction. You don't need more distractions, do you? -- doug smith

More, please

How many solutions does your problem need? Sometimes the answer is just one more. It could also be that your problem needs twenty more before you find the one that sticks. Finding solutions is the fun part anyway so just keep going. Create more solutions to a problem than you need in order to find one that works. -- doug smith

Shortcut

Your goals matter to other people when other people matter to you. -- doug smith

Healthy Goal Focused Habits

Successful goals are supported by productive habits. Some productive goal-achieving habits include: Working on your goal everyday Scheduling time to work on your goal Breaking your goal down into smaller, easily achieved tasks Telling other people about your goal What other productive habits do you use? -- doug smith

An Important Pause

We're all in a hurry. Urgency is a way of life. When we're working on a problem it feels as if the faster we solve it the better. But, have you ever solved a problem only to shortly discover that you haven't solved it at all? New complications arise. Surprises confound you. The problem roars back. The worry creates the hurry. The rush is not enough. Better to find the actual cause of the problem and face that issue. Taking time to analyze a problem will save time in solving it. And that saves time overall. That pause you take may be more important than you thought. -- doug smith

Better Results

We do get to choose. It's as easy to be positive as it is to be negative and the results are much more pleasing. What's your choice? -- doug smith

It's Not The Volume

It's so tempting to get louder when your words aren't delivering the results that you want. I've done it. Raising the volume feels like action, it's more of a reaction. Emotions are so powerful that they can make us forget what we're thinking. Emotions are also contagious, and that extra volume invites a loud response. If you've ever been in an argument where you're shouting at each other, you know how ineffective that is. Saying something louder does not make it more true. Winning leaders manage their emotions. They check their thinking to see if it aligns with their goals. It could be easier to meet someone halfway than to pull them all the way to your way of thinking. That doesn't mean we need to compromise every time -- but we do need to show that we're willing to consider someone else's point of view. And then, that we do understand that point of view. Louder is seldom better. (Unless you're playing guitar, then loud could be good...) -...

Likability

Think about the most likable person you know. It's probably someone who makes you smile, who cheers you up, who says positive things during an otherwise tough day. The most likable person you know is friendly. They treat people with kindness. They do their job without complaining, completely and competently. They clean up after themselves and sometimes even for other people without being asked. The most likable person around just seems to make everything better. Could that be you? You're the most likable person you know if that's what you decide to be. Try it for a day -- you might like it. -- doug smith

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