doug smith training

Can you tell a hard truth and still be polite? Absolutely! We can disagree with respect. We can remain civil. We can demonstrate professionalism even under pressure. Nothing should ever prevent a true professional from being polite. -- doug smith  

How do you show someone respect? Without it you will find it hard to hold onto any respect of your own. Without it you may even find it hard to get things done. Those who outrank you are much more help to you when you show them respect. Those who report to you are much more motivated when you show them respect. And, those at your level are far more likely to be cooperative and collaborative when you show them respect. Show respect by: listening, without judging speaking truthfully avoiding gossip allowing for disagreement without anger acknowledging rank and authority There are dozens of ways to show respect. What would you add to the list? -- doug smith

Give disrespect the attention it deserves: none. That does not mean that you accept abuse, illegal, or unethical behavior. It just means that disrespect does not earn respect. I advocate starting from a position of respect. We do well to respect everyone from the start. Respect people in the way we greet them, treat them, and (when in competition) beat them. When someone does not return that respect, or when they begin from a place of disrespect, we don't have to get angry, but we do have to get active.  Often the fastest way to get active when confronted with disrespect is to disappear. Leave. Stop honoring that person with your presence if their only goal is to do you harm. Leaving isn't always possible or recommended when you or others are in danger. Then, opposition to that disrespect may be necessary. Not to create harm or revenge, but to create safety and honor. Is that easy? Oh, no. You already know that. Is it necessary? More than ever. How do we do it? By beginning -- ...

Wouldn't it be great if respect came naturally and we didn't even need to think about it? It doesn't. We carry around so many tensions, stresses, and levels of bias that sometimes respect comes very hard indeed. It might even feel impossible. Respect takes practice. It takes practice to demonstrate respect all of the time, and so it is always practice. Intentional, studied, demonstrated practice. I'm still practicing. How about you? -- doug smith  

How important is trust in a team? When I ask leaders this question the usual answer is "It's everything. Without trust the team falls apart." I'd agree. Your team members must trust you as the leader to act with their interests in mind as well as the interests of the organization and of your customers. And you as the leader must be able to trust team members to perform in ways that serve the mission, help your customers, and help each other. I'd also add that trust starts with respect. Where does respect start? This is not a chicken-or-egg question. The answer is clear: respect starts with the leader. When you respect your team members, they witness how important that is, how useful it feels, and how necessary it remains. Show respect, receive respect -- in that order. It does not work in reverse. -- doug smith

Is there something important that you need to say to someone you're not getting along with at the moment? Are you reporting a problem to people in your organization? Is that conversation difficult, controversial, or problematic? Say it with respect and kindness or keep it to yourself. -- doug smith 

Communicating effectively includes talking about the tough stuff. We might even appear confrontational when we oppose with strength and courage. We can disagree and keep talking. As long as we listen and keep an open mind, we can influence best when we are open to being influenced. Part of that is speaking, and listening, with respect and kindness. Creating, and preserving a sense of dignity.  When we cana talk about it with respect and kindness we can talk about anything. Seems like a good place to start. -- doug smith  

Have you ever noticed that behavior is contagious? If someone is yelling at you, it's easy to start yelling back. Conversely, if someone smiles at you, it's likely that you'll smile in return. Behavior is contagious. Character thought takes more work and more development. Building the type of character strengths that you want helps you decide what behaviors you'll show. If pettiness is not part of your character, you're less likely to act in a petty manner, no matter how misbehaved someone is around you. You never need to make someone else's character flaws your own. Just build your strengths, remember that no one around you will ever be perfect, and manage your emotions.  How do you manage your emotions? What do you do to keep contagious negative behaviors from infecting you?  -- doug smith

It's possible for a leader to speak very directly and still be courteous.  Speaking with respect, with dignity, and with consideration for others takes some of us more effort. It is well worth that effort. We don't have to be thrilled with someone's performance to maintain professional courtesy. Showing kindness does not mean giving in. The power of courtesy is felt immediately and lasts a long time. People will remember how you treated them, even if they forget why you treated them that way. Disagreements can dissolve into forgotten details even as the feelings linger forever.  If you catch yourself being short with someone and delivering a pointed response consider pausing long enough to stay curious. What makes you tense? What are they really saying? What's going on? You might still decide on a direct spoken point of view -- sometimes that serves you well -- but you also might decide if it's worth demonstrating respect more than your status. It likely makes you e...

Are you keeping up with change? I find myself sobbing just a little every time my mobile phone wants to install an update. How do I know it'll be better? Can't I just wait a little while? What if I like things the way that they are? High performance leaders are in the business of change. We rock the boat for a living. As Tom Peters once said "if it ain't broke, break it." That quote is more than twenty years old and we've been rocking the boat constantly since then. What about the people who fall off of the boat? What about the details that are tried and true and tradition? Is there a place for tradition in today's rapidly changing world? Yes, there is. Tradition is more than the way things used-to-be. Tradition is more than old habits. Tradition is a topic worthy of a book, but for now here are a few things tradition means. Tradition is honoring the past and the people who built that past. That past got us to here, so they must have done somethi...

From Don Miller, author of StoryBrand, who shares brief, useful videos he calls Business Made Simple Daily. I find the insights so useful that I recommend subscribing. Most are only a couple of minutes long and can get your day off to great, ambitious, energetic start. This video is about gaining respect. One fast way is to deal more effectively with drama. Too often a situation is overly dramatized and while that can get attention, it can also lose respect. The fast way to gain respect? De-escalate drama and tension. Remain calm, pull away slightly, and imagine the least dramatic solution to the problem.

Are you ever tempted to give up? I don't mean in the big scheme of things -- of course you should not give up on that -- life is a beautiful gift and meant to be meaningful and joyful. But, on the smaller, less grand things. I am often tempted to give up or give in because: a) I want to be cooperative and in-service to others, and b) I do not like conflict The trouble with giving in is that you don't get what you want. And while it's easy to see that is not your best outcome, it's also not great for those who must work with you. Think about it. If you yield to every autocratic order barked your way and every bureaucratic nonsensical procedure how much would that slow you down? It might slow you down to, oh say, zero. We must sometimes confront the thing that stands in our way. Stands in our way of justice, stands in the way of our freedom, stands in the way of our dignity. (You could build a wall of all the bricks of injustice that stand in our way.) Lea...

Do people need to earn your respect? Some people do believe that it is necessary to prove yourself worthy of respect before someone should grant you respect. What's the problem with that? When we put ourselves into the position of judge we also open the door wider to being judged. Can people tell when you respect them?  Undoubtably. We seem to have an inner radar that differentiates respect from disrespect -- or worse, disregard. We can tell, and we care. Deeply. Whatever a person has done in the past that we might question, it is still possible to treat them with respect. Kindness, compassion, even love know no limits. Respecting someone does not mean that you agree with everything that they've ever done -- or even with what they are  doing or saying right now. Respect means that you treat them with human dignity, fairness, compassion, and honor. I know that it can be tough to show respect in the heat of an argument or when someone is not acting in a likable mann...