Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

Keep your choices open

Have you ever felt like a prisoner to your own emotions? The feelings can be so strong that they flood your being with an almost paralysis. I have found myself wandering away from a situation because my emotions were pushing so hard, even though a better choice would have been to stay, get those emotions under control, breathe, and choose. Once a bad emotion has sent you its warning, it's best to send it on its way. Emotions can drive us, but don't need to. Feel it, pause, and step away. Keep all of your choices open. -- doug smith

Move Ahead

There are so many parts of my past that I would love to fix. Thinking about them doesn't help and won't fix them. The best I can do is to reflect on the lessons learned and do better next time. How about you? If we could fix the last we'd break it in brand new ways. The price of being imperfect is a glorious one: constant learning. That's not so bad after all. -- doug smith

Collaborate

Working together is not over-rated. Even the sharpest of minds miss some important details. Even the strongest of leaders needs a team to lead. Truly collaborating means accepting that sometimes your point of view is flawed, and is almost always incomplete. Staying open to the ideas of others, while working in the same direction on a unified mission, creates a path for success. The art of leadership benefits from collaboration. -- doug smith

Team Talk

The most powerful team building tool is talk. Talk with each team member and talk together as a team. Communication is the most powerful skill to practice. -- doug smith

Maybe Start With A Smile...

How do you react when you meet someone new? They're not new to the world, of course, just to you but that's new enough, isn't it? What if they disagree with you? What if you're on different sides of an issue? What if you don't know? People desire respect. When respect is lacking, we know it right away, don't we? And when we withhold our own respect it stands to reason that others know that right away, too. But if we start with respect -- if we start with the idea that every person we meet has value -- it becomes easier to interact meaningfully and maybe even share common ground. When we connect with respect we dramatically increase our chances of communicating effectively. I'll do my best to practice that today -- how about you? -- doug smith

Positive Solutions

Problems need not prevent positive outcomes. It's what we do with them that matters. -- doug smith

Multiple Solutions

That extra tough problem might need multiple solutions -- in fact, its probably does. -- doug smith

Start With What You've Got

Most leaders can think of team members they'd love to have on their team, but don't. New skill sets, balanced personalities, brilliant innovations...anything more than what we have to begin with. But, what we have to begin with is where we need to begin. A team is build from the pieces you have to start with, not the pieces you wish you had. That's good news because: now you are ready to go. -- doug smith

A Leader's Reputation

What leaders get done is their record; how they get things done becomes their reputation. -- doug smith

Get Back Up

Mourn a loss a little while but not so long that you miss the next opportunity. -- doug smith

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