Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

Connect With Respect

It's the start of a better, deeper, more productive conversation. It's the small effort to make a big impression in establishing relationship. Connect with respect. You don't have to love the person you're interacting with (although, wouldn't that help?) but if you make the effort to demonstrate respect whatever you have to share will land with more credibility. It is a leadership strength. Connect with respect. Smile. Make eye contact. Listen. Honor customs, traditions, even organizational hierarchy. The choice of course is up to you. It's a very personal choice to connect with respect. If you make that choice, I think you will like the results. -- doug smith PS: I didn't expect to use a picture featuring a horse for this posting but when I saw it there was a deep feeling a respect showing. Action Step: Find a picture that represents respect for you and for a week, keep it close enough to look at it for a bit every day.

More Service Please

Would you agree that what we need is more service, not less? And yet, everywhere we look we see service slipping away, drifting into some lip-service pretending or worse yet, not even pretending. It is often a financial decision: you can have it nice or you can have it cheap. Over and over and over again people will choose cheap, even when that is not what they really want. We are better than that. You're better than that. I certainly hope that I'm better than that, too. If the level of service you provide depends on the payment you receive you are doing it wrong. Everyone deserves the very best service that you can possibly provide. -- doug smith

Serve With Love

Leaders must serve. We don't all like that. Sometimes, we'd prefer to be served. But, think about it. We serve our customers. We serve our boards. We serve (yes, we do) our team members. We even serve our peers and of course we serve our bosses. That gives us an important choice: we can serve gladly, or we can serve madly. The work is the same; the emotion is different. The difference between serving with resentment and serving with love is the difference between hardship and happiness. Doesn't happiness feel better? -- doug smith

Enjoy The Outcomes

Every problem leads to an outcome. Some you want and some you definitely do not want. You're going to prefer the outcomes of the problems you solve. Don't you think so? -- doug smith

Roots of Their Own

What looks like the root cause of a problem may have roots of its own. Keep digging. The rush to solve may leave things unresolved. -- doug smith

Angry Leaders Fall

It is scary to watch someone lose their temper. Yelling, screaming, slamming, isn't it all unnecessary? Calm it down. Breathe. Relax. If you burn too hot you burn out fast. - - doug smith

Who Defines Your Goals?

Maybe your goals are assigned to you from someone else. If you have a job, that's probably true about many of your goals. But in the end, isn't it really up to you? What you do, when you do it, how you do it, no matter how formalized the process you are still involved and deciding. You define your goals and you define when those goals are done. Finish what you started, or kiss that goal goodbye. -- doug smith

Instant Coach

Ask someone about their goals. You'll be doing them a favor. -- doug smith

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