Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

More Than Potential

"She's filled with potential!" "There's no limit to his potential!" "They're nothing but unlimited potential!" It's both promising and frightening to be described as someone who is filled with potential. It means that a) the potential is still unfulfilled, and b) may NEVER be fulfilled. Still, aren't we ALL filled with potential. No matter what we have accomplished or failed to accomplish there is more ahead of us to be done. Potential might get you started. It might open a door or two. Potential will take you only as far as your discipline drives you onward. Whatever you're capable of still requires your action. What are you working on that is potentially awesome? -- doug smith

Practice Re-centering

It's fairly easy to get pushed off-center, which makes regular practice at re-centering essential. How do you re-center? What's your favorite way to get back on track, calm your inner wildness and focus? Deep breathes? Meditation? Long walks? Quiet focused attention? Whatever works, do that. Why not practice right now? -- doug smith

Continue The Search

What happens when you've found what you've been looking for? If it was difficult, if you worked hard, if there were some challenges along the way you will likely be grateful and satisfied. How long will that satisfaction last? We are meant to be happy. We are meant to be fulfilled. But, we're not meant to stand still. Find what you're looking for and then keep looking. Growth is always ahead of you. -- doug smith

Avoiding Crankiness

How do you feel about being cranky? Probably, cranky. It just leads to more crankiness. Yuck. We're better than that and our companies and organizations can be better than that, too. It's never to much to ask (and expect) us to: Keep our promises Provide excellent service Make customer transactions easy Smile Solve problems cheerfully Great service creates happiness. Bad service pushes crankiness. When service is poor, customers are cranky creating a cycle of needless agitation. We can skip all that. Let's just provide excellence services. -- doug smith

Leveraging Shared Problems

As frustrating as it is, some people don't care about your problem until you make it their problem, too. But you don't have to manipulate them into it. Talk about it. Share your concerns. Find the connections and you'll also find their investment. Once they are in, collaboration is far more likely. -- doug smith

Consider The Impact

Has anyone ever solved a problem in a way that made things worse for you? Changes in job sites, changes in processes, software updates, family squabbles...with good intentions people rush solutions into play that seem to work for some, and yet badly disappoint others. We can do better than that. Think thru those solutions before launching that change. Get help from as many people as possible who will be impacted by that change. Until you consider the impact of your problem's solution on other people you haven't really considered that solution enough. -- doug smith

Gain That Personal Input

Do you like it when other people make decisions for you? Me, either -- and neither do the people on your team. That's all the more true about decisions that become, or feel like, rules. Our inner rebel will rise. A rule we didn't make seems much easier to break. If you want your team to keep certain rules, first find out how they feel about those rules. -- doug smith

Calm

A technician may criticize your technique but never your heart, never your intention, never your joy. Hear the feedback from your own place of calm. -- doug smith

Your Best

When are you at your best? It's probably not when things are the easiest. It could be when you are wrestling with a problem and use your skills and talents to forge a fabulous solution. Problems give you the platform to promote your best you. Faced with a problem, give it your best. -- doug smith

Better Still

I don't like rejection, yet it's a part of life. I don't like it when people don't support a project that I'm working on, and still there are usually people who don't see the value in a new change. How about you? We could take that personally and stop doing the thing that matters so much to us -- or we could do something else. We could improve that thing. We could make that thing shine. We could make that thing irresistible. We could use that feedback to find new ways to achieve our goal. "They" as we so often like to call "them" don't know what's best for you -- and still they can be seriously helpful. When they tear down your plans, build something better. Won't that feel great? -- doug smith

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