Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

Trust Requires Truth

When you catch someone in a lie, how quickly do you trust them again? What if they'd lied to you before, maybe even many times? How much would you trust them then? Trust requires truth. To be trusted you must tell the truth. Not everyone will comply, but if you do -- if you always tell the truth -- you will be greatly trusted. -- doug smith

Upcoming Public Virtual Training

Each session is 3 hours long. Morning sessions begin at 10:00 am ET Afternoon sessions begin at 2:00 pm ET Excelling as a Manager or Supervisor December 11 Register here: https://skillpath.com/virtual To save money, attend multiple programs, and enjoy many other great learning resources, register for SkillPath Unlimited here .

The Best Goals

Goals are not created equally. Some we plow thru because they are necessary or even assigned. But some that we choose challenge us so strongly that we grow no matter what the outcome turns out to be. Some build new skills that we will use forever after. The best goals bring you growth and joy even when you don't achieve them. Select your goals carefully. Feel the joy. -- doug smith

Seriously

Have you ever worked so hard on something that it made you miserable? Major goals do take hard work. When we set a goal if we're serious about it we must be ready to work hard to achieve it. But only if it matters. Only if we know that achieving that goal will make us better and happier or perhaps perform a noble good in the world. If a goal doesn't do that -- if a goal doesn't make you happy -- let it go. -- doug smith

The Real Secret

A few years ago there was a lot of attention on a personal development technique known as "the secret." I'm not here to debunk the secret or throw shade in its direction, because if you've heard about it you've probably already made up your mind. Like many of other methods, if it works for you, enjoy -- and if it doesn't, choose. This is not nearly so lofty a concept I'm about to share, and it's nothing that I've made up. It's been known forever. But just because it's known doesn't mean that it's easy. Just because it's simple doesn't guarantee success. Like anything worth working for, we've got to work for it. The magic ingredient to achieving your goals is discipline. That's it. Whatever your course of action, you've got to put in the work. Whatever great habits will propel you forward, you've got to sustain the discipline to keep doing them. Is that the real secret? You decide. -- doug smith

No Place for Laziness

It's one thing if a team member is unable to do something due to lack of knowledge or skill or resources. It's completely different when they ARE able but are unwilling. Especially if the only thing standing in someone's way is their laziness. It's too much work for them. They don't see the payoff. But, for the rest of the team the payoff is both obvious and necessary. It may take a little work on the part of leadership to move that laziness aside. It could take patience. Persistence. Pressing on. Why not press on by showing that you are NOT too lazy to encourage effort? Why not demonstrate the value -- and the joy -- in the work? Overcoming laziness is work well worth the effort. -- doug smith

Complicated

You could think of it as the ostrich effect - putting your head in the sand to avoid a danger. You can't see it anymore, you don't notice the discomfort, but it's still there and you're still exposed. Overlooking the complexity of a problem does not simplify it -- or solve it. As uncomfortable as it may be, we need to face our problems with courage, deal with them using our creativity, focus on our goals with clarity, and show compassion for anyone effected by our course of action. When problems are complicated we need not hide. It's better to rise. -- doug smith

Catch the Learning

Goals are important. We should always be working toward meaningful goals. While we're doing that, we sometimes stumble. We even miss or must delay great goals. When we pay attention, we learn valuable lessons from working on our goals, even when we miss. Sometimes the learning is worth more than the goal. Go for the goal, and be sure to catch the learning. -- doug smith

Emotional Options

What's the strongest emotion for you? What's the one emotion that more often than not seems to run you instead of you running the emotion? If the answer is "none" then good for you, and maybe share how you got there because it sure is hard for most of us. Emotions once activated send all the right chemicals thru our bodies to keep us in that elevated emotional state. When we need that flush of energy it's worth experiencing the rush. When we don't, it gets in the way. We can choose. We have the ability to take emotions out of problem solving if we are willing to. Are you willing to? -- doug smith

Hard Work

Collaborative problem solving makes conflict resolution just and fair. Resolving conflict and solving problems are not the same thing, but they do share much in common and can unify efforts toward better solutions. Work together. Talk about it. Share concerns. Consider (always) the needs of others. It's not magic, it's hard work. -- doug smith

doug smith training

Search This Blog