Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

Save that thought...

Whenever I ask a class "have you ever said anything that you regret saying?" the answer is always 100% yes. A mumble easily becomes a stumble when it's tainted with trauma, distrust, anger, or sorrow. There are things we could say that don't help in any way. It's better to keep those things to o oneself. I had a boss once who wisely told me "Doug, when you're upset, pause and count to ten." "And what if I stay upset?" "Then count to a hundred." She might as well have said count to a thousand, because I knew exactly what she meant. Some things do not need to be said. We've all got better words inside us willing to take that mistake away. -- doug smith

Careful With the Question

Have you ever been in a conversation so intense that you question the health of the person who is arguing with you? Most of us have. In that moment, when our nerves are frayed and our anger is rising, it is ever so easy to say the wrong thing. It's tempting to ask the wrong question. When we push against someone's dignity the reaction will not be positive. You know that, I know that, and yet we've done it anyway. Here's a note-to-self: stop, pause, breathe, evaluate. What would be the best thing to say or do? Because...if you ask someone what's wrong with them they will likely find something wrong with you. And they might not be wrong about that... -- doug smith

Collaborate Instead of Commanding

As a recovering know-it-all I remember making many mistakes, trying to solve someone else's problem. I've learned that maybe, just maybe, I can help, but it is highly unlikely that I'll solve that problem. The problem with solving someone else's problem is that it may not fit into their schedule. Or their plan. Work together. Collaborate. Share. If the solution emerges between you, let them take credit for the brilliance of the solution. You'll never run out of problems to help on, unless you try to solve them all on your own. -- doug smith

The Team You Deserve

Whether you are a great leader or something less, the reality is that you will build the team that you deserve. High performance teams develop accountability, excellence, and positive results. High performance leaders develop that and more through clarity, courage, creativity and compassion. Leaders need clarity around their vision, their mission, and their goals. Teams need to know which direction to move, direction provided with clarity. Leaders need the courage to stand against obstacles, to resist temptation to take the easy way out, to fully back their people. Teams need leaders with the courage of their convictions and with visible assertive support of their team. Creativity gives a leader the ability to generate new ideas, to innovate in a constantly moving environment, to think of new ways to inspire and motivate their teams. Teams, equipped with creativity, never get stale. They find the fun in what they do and they convert that fun into positive results. Since leaders deal wi...

Better Feedback

The trouble with feedback is that we don't want it, or if we do we don't know how to give it, and don't know when to start or stop it. Ah, but what if we did? What if we could build a high-feedback culture where people were open to feedback and knew how to put it to immediate use? We can. It takes practice. It takes experience. It takes caring about how we do feedback and who we share it with. Here's one thing you can change immediately that will dramatically improve the feedback frequency on your team: ask for advice more often...and then really listen. Don't even call it feedback. Ask for advice and not only will everyone have some, once you show that you're open to it, they'll ask for advice in return. What's your best tip on giving and receiving feedback? -- doug smith

Right In Front of You

It isn't possible or necessary to solve every problem. Focus on the problem in front of you. Solving that first problem builds momentum and experience for solving the next problem. You'll never solve them all, but imagine how much better things will be after you've solved the ones right in front of you. -- doug smith

Not So Obvious, Is It?

People work on bad goals far too often. It sounds good, it reaches for some vague feeling of satisfaction, and yet the goal is a poor match for who they are or where they are. How you form your goals matters. Get the goal right before you work on it to save yourself lots of aggravation. Keep it simple: action word, result, and time. Keep it ambitious but possible. And check to make sure that what you want is what the goal will give you. Otherwise, that poor goal is a waste of time. -- doug smith

A Daily Goal

Some people take a vitamin every day. Some people read a passage from a favorite book every day. Positive daily habits support a successful life. Set a goal at least once a day and then achieve that goal. It builds the kind of momentum that leads to wonderful things. And you do want wonderful things, right? -- doug smith

Better Is Better

What we work on matters. What we choose to focus on not only matters but it's also completely up to us. What's your focus today? This week? This month? I'm learning to limit my focus to what matters most, one goal at a time. How about you? Better goals create better lives. That's what we want, and deserve. -- doug smith

The Smartest Person

What makes a team member seem smart? Is it their knowledge? Is it their experience? Or, are they simply gifted? High performance leaders work to build teams that include people smarter than they are. They are out there, why not bring them to your team? If you think that you are the smartest person on your team you are either wrong, OR not finished recruiting. -- doug smith

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