Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

A Sign to Learn

What's your reaction when you find yourself in conflict and yet you are absolutely sure that you're right? Do you dig in on your position? Do you redouble your efforts to convince everyone of your position? Or do you stay curious? Do you stay open to learning? The more certain I am that I'm right the greater the opportunity there is to learn. The next time you are absolutely sure that you're right try asking yourself -- what can I still learn here? It could change everything. -- Douglas Brent Smith

Get Started

Have you ever gotten resistance to a goal that you really wanted to achieve? Maybe someone told you that you weren't capable. Maybe someone told you that the goal was wrong for you, or unachievable. What do they know? Your goals are important no matter what anyone says. Get started when you're ready. -- doug smith

Roots of Their Own

What looks like the root cause of a problem may have roots of its own. Keep digging. The rush to solve may leave things unresolved. -- doug smith

Healthy Leaders

How many eighty-hour work weeks do you put in? That's not meant to judge, but to ponder. I've put in plenty of eighty and more hour work weeks and while I don't regret any of them I know that they haven't all paid-off proportionately. It's possible to work so hard that you miss what's important. It's a frequent paradox that the longer one works the less productive they become. I've learned to tell myself: Take a break. Relax. Let it all come to you, flow thru you, and go on its merry way -- if only for a little while. Drink water, exercise, meditate, pray, and relax. Healthy leaders build healthy teams. Take care of yourself. -- doug smith

Work With The Team You've Got

Maybe you inherited your team. Maybe your team just lost a key player. The game goes on. You've got to keep playing, keep producing, and keep developing your team. Work with the team you've got. When you do, they will astound you. -- doug smith

Connect With Respect

It's the start of a better, deeper, more productive conversation. It's the small effort to make a big impression in establishing relationship. Connect with respect. You don't have to love the person you're interacting with (although, wouldn't that help?) but if you make the effort to demonstrate respect whatever you have to share will land with more credibility. It is a leadership strength. Connect with respect. Smile. Make eye contact. Listen. Honor customs, traditions, even organizational hierarchy. The choice of course is up to you. It's a very personal choice to connect with respect. If you make that choice, I think you will like the results. -- doug smith PS: I didn't expect to use a picture featuring a horse for this posting but when I saw it there was a deep feeling a respect showing. Action Step: Find a picture that represents respect for you and for a week, keep it close enough to look at it for a bit every day.

Nothing Cranky

Work your goals but make your goals serve you. No one needs a goal that makes them cranky. -- doug smith

No Let Down

I remember getting a big let-down after a show would close, or a project would end, or a movie would wrap...anything really important that I'd been working on. All that work. All that focus. All that energy. And, then suddenly it's done. But that was then. That was too much focus on the outcome and not enough on the process. Because the end comes and goes, but the process can continue. The process of creating, of learning, of growing. The best part of achieving your goals is enjoying the journey, and then you avoid any big left-down at the end. The journey, the process -- that's the joy. -- doug smith

The Seat of the Situation

Problems are complicated. We need to think clearly about them, to analyze their causes. We also need to act quickly because, oddly or not, some solutions expire. Sit, or move? Think, or act? This isn't a universal assertion, but maybe one with value: the situation isn't entirely the problem, and the problem isn't entirely the situation. As closely as cause and effect may nest, there are likely other causes, other effects worth considering. It's a bit like widening the circle in a jam session. Yes, the new instruments complicate things, and yes, sometimes the notes are discordant, but oh! the miracle of the unexpected harmonies can make the how piece better. That's the situation. What if it existed before the problem, and needs to exist beyond the problem? We can sit with a problem without making that problem the entire situation. What do you think? -- doug smith ps: The drawing is only partially related. It't a situation. It's a problem. I drew this danci...

Enjoy The Outcomes

Every problem leads to an outcome. Some you want and some you definitely do not want. You're going to prefer the outcomes of the problems you solve. Don't you think so? -- doug smith

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