Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

How's Your Reputation

How important do you think it is to sustain a positive leadership reputation? It matters to your team. It matters to any future team that you might be leading. Your reputation tells a story about how you operate, how you facilitate and how you achieve your results. Leading positive change builds credibility. Making a difference right now builds credibility. Keeping your promises and showing care for others establishes the kind of character that people want to work with and maybe even follow. What positive change are you currently working on? -- doug smith

Where to Start?

It's harder to solve a problem alone when you are at the center of the problem. Get another perspective. Stay open to your own part of the problem. Sometimes, deep into the search, we discover that we could be the cause. Start with reflection. It could provide direction. -- doug smith

Creatively Human

In a world where anything can be duplicated, create what cannot be duplicated. -- doug smith

Dig deeper

Obvious solutions are great, except that they seldom work. The chances are that the solution that first occurs to you has already been tried. Sticky, mysterious, subtle problems evade the obvious. They hide. They mask. They simmer. Mysterious problems seldom surrender to obvious solutions. Dig deeper. -- doug smith

Extremes

Do you know what it is like to work for an unreasonable boss? When no matter what you do is ever good enough it can become demotivating, even crippling. We do need to challenge our teams, but not to esteem crushing extremes. Unreasonable expectations cause disappointment. High performance? Yes. Perfect performance? Not attainable. -- doug smith

More signal than noise

Criticism produces more noise than signal. The recipient will hear mostly noise. Find another way to share the relevant information and it will sound more like advice than insult. Here's one other way -- ask the person you want to give advice to what their advice is for improving performance. Listen. Find the tone. Catch the brilliance. Support the useful observations. When we coach positively with enthusiasm our advice lives longer. What do you think? -- doug smith

No Victims

There will be offers, heading your way in obvious as well as subtle channels. Strong looking barriers. Refusals to see you. Efforts to take advantage of you. That's not meant for you, no matter how strong someone else's intentions imply that it is. Decline any opportunity to be a victim. It does not suit you. -- doug smith

Share the Load

Are you in charge? Is the team your responsibility? Every team needs more than one leader. The highest leverage strategy a leader can employ is to develop more leaders. Build that mighty team one person at a time. Share the load. -- doug smith

Positive Value

If it does not support you, allow it to strengthen you. -- doug smith

Relationships and the Mission

Team relationships get complicated. Sorting them out is one more tough leadership task. Recruiting the right people for your team is the first step, followed by keeping the communication on your team clear, open, honest, and respectful. A team of superstars who cannot get along will not make for a successful team. Interpersonal dynamics matter considerably. Team relationships make more sense when the mission matters. The best reason for a team to get along with each other is so that they can achieve their mission. Start there. Focus there. -- doug smith

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