Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

Bright Spots

We need to know how to improve, so as leaders part of our job is to provide the feedback-for-improvement that our teams need. Specifically, timely, kindly. It's easy to remember that if not so easy to do. We should also remember to call attention to what is working. Let people know what is great. Share our stories of how the team is excelling. Sharing the bright spots lights the way. The more we see what works, the better we can make it work. What positive bright spot can you share with your team today? -- doug smith

Goals with Bonus Benefits

Goals are important, but if you haven't achieved a goal does that mean that you've failed? Not always and certainly not completely. It's possible that a better goal opened up while you were working om the one that you left behind. Maybe you simply prioritized something more valuable. We shouldn't expect to achieve every goal because if we do either our goals are too small or our priorities are too rigid. A goal can be successful without being achieved. We learn. We grow. We adjust. We connect -- many ways that we are enriched by working toward something whether or not we achieve it. Of course we do want to achieve our goals. Even when we don't, though, we learn. What has your most recent unachieved goal taught you? -- doug smith

Service Appreciation

Delivering excellent service is tough enough and sometimes it's not enough, according to our customers. With some customer wanting a miracle, or a policy change, it mean that even when we do our best it may not be perceived as enough. We could have always done more. We should have somehow changed the world in order to change their outcome. Other times, customers are generous in their thanks. Our extra steps are appreciated, our efforts are more than enough, and our customers are happy to do business with us. We should work as if the second group of customers -- the real appreciators, the happy ones, are the norm and hold onto the joy they share. There are no guarantees that our service will be appreciated, but that's not why we do it. We serve because that's where the joy lives, in helping others. -- doug smith

Too Much Advice?

What happens with unsolicited advice? Probably nothing. If you didn't ask for a piece of advice, why would you take it? Well, then what happens to advice that you do ask for? Isn't that a whole different matter? Different, yes, and yet often the outcome is the same: advice given and then ignored. It's easy to give advice because we all have opinions on everything, even stuff we don't know anything about. Taking advice is harder because A) the advice we get is often wrong, B) the advice we get is usually hard, and C) the advice we get often doesn't work. As someone who is sometimes paid to give advice I've had to learn the primary consultant's rule of advice giving: first ask the questions and then let the client determine the best advice. It takes longer. It can take much longer. It's not immediately satisfying, but it works much better. I'm working on slowing down my approach to giving advice and yet I still go too fast sometimes. How about you? He...

Joy at Work

Identify your source of joy, apply it to your work, and your work becomes a source of joy. -- doug smith

A Key to Happiness

We all like to be happy. Many people devote their entire lives to being happy, trying a series of things until they find something that seems to work. I don't pretend to have the key to happiness but I've lived and worked long enough to learn one wonderful way to get there. If you want the secret to happiness, find out what you can do that makes other people happy. Then...do that. What are your keys to happiness? -- doug smith

Agenda Reveals Character

You can tell much about someone by what they plan to do. You might learn all you need to know about someone by their plan, their strategy, their approach to communicating (or not communicating). Agenda is revealing. Agenda reveals character. Read the signals. No amount of accommodation will change a person's character. Maybe start with the agenda, and if you can't get that to an acceptable plan, read the signals. -- doug smith

Tried That?

Ever work on a problem so long that you've got a half of a dozen solutions buzzing around like bees near a flower? What if those bees are really wasps? What if the value of your solutions is less than the lessons of the problem? Yikes! We can't solve a problem until we let go of the solutions that don't work. To get started, let go. -- doug smith

What's Your Cause

What's your cause? No matter what level of leadership we choose to lead in, our chances of gaining support depend on why we are leading. What's the cause? What's the purpose? What's the intended result? People look for leaders of causes they believe in. What's your cause? -- doug smith

Unavoidable Necessity

Goals go better when we work harder, I'd like a shortcut. It would be nice to avoid the tough parts. A magic formula will be appreciated. But the reality is unmistakable: Goals work better when we work harder. How could you work harder on YOUR top priority goal? -- doug smith Reflection Questions: What important work have you been putting off? When will you start hat work? What have you learned about working hard on your goals? What have you learned today that you can apply to your top goal?

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