Key Questions to Stay Curious

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan

How curious are you?

In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious.

How do you do that?

One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book The Training Effectiveness Handbook) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions.

Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious:

What is your case?

We are always building a case and not always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) is what you think is true really true?

What is your goal?

What do you want to achieve? Are you sure? Are you committed? Is your goal in this situation compatible with who you want to be known as?

What is your agenda?

What are you doing, consciously or unconsciously, to create the environment you just operate in? Is that what you want? What might you need to change to create your best possible world? Who can help? When will you begin?

What are your assumptions?

Interrogate your truth (as Susan Scott would say. For more on this see her great book Fierce Conversations). Identify possibilities, fallacies, misdirections, lies, hallucinations, dreams, rationalizations, and all fuzzy thinking. Stop making shit up!

What is unknown?

Identify the missing pieces. What's happening in the background? What has led to the current situation? Know what you don't know so that you can learn it. What do you need? Figure out what other people are looking for in the situation and if you can all reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Sometimes we're drawn into a competition that isn't even needed.

What do you need?

What do you need and where can you find it ini order to achieve your goals? Who can help? Be very honest about what resources you must have, and which are simply desirable but not critical. The first step to getting what you need, in order to get what you want, is to know what you need.

What are you curious about?

Stay open and curious no matter what. Consider wild, fun, miraculous possibilities. Stop judging and simply accept. You can always evaluate later on. That inner judge or inner critic is not gone for good, just on a break. Make the most of it. Challenge assumptions. Challenge limitations. Challenge imperfections. Smile.

That last point, to smile, is not a humorous throwaway. I mean it. Smile. See what a difference it makes. And for heaven's sake -- stay curious!

-- Doug Smith

Comments

A Warning About Tradition

Are you bumping up against tradition? As leaders we are often breaking barriers. We're constantly knocking down walls. Sometimes, we're stepping on toes. We change things because that's what leaders do but it does matter how we change. Are we graceful, or clumsy? Are we considerate, or brutal? Are we deliberate, or chaotic? Change is necessary because it's where growth happens. Doing that change we can forget about or even demolish tradition. "If it mattered we'd keep it," right? It matters. How we handle tradition tells our team how we will eventually handle each and every one of them. What has been placed there before us has been trusted to us. We can improve it, always. Must we ever destroy it? Seldom. Ignore tradition and you'll lose stability. Lost stability and there's no telling where you'll end up. We can drive change and still honor tradition. That means learning more about both. -- doug smith

Start With A Goal

Have you ever solved a problem and then been disappointed by the result? I sure have. The problem was bad, the solution was worse. We need to narrow down our target. We need a focus that allows for surprises and yet creates a solution based on something we really want. After all, it's not the END of something we're working on, it's the existence of something better. High performance leaders create better situations. Be careful about solving a problem until you know what you really want. Start with your goal. -- doug smith

Are We Really All In Sales?

How many people have tried to sell you stuff today? Six? Sixteen? Sixty-six? It's a lot, isn't it? Some days it feels as if everything is a sales pitch. Buy this, try that, sign-up for freemium but get ready to pay. It's good for you, it's what you need, it will bring you friends and fun. I know, I know, I know. We're all in sales. I sell stuff, too. I do better if people sign up for my courses. I make more money when customers supplement their learning by buying materials from me. I sell, I sell, so who am I to tell? I get so weary of people trying to sell me things that I almost stop selling things myself. But, I do find myself selling less these days. I'm not criticizing sales. I have a son who is an absolute ace at selling insurance and he does very well, and well -- people DO need insurance. It meets a need. But, we don't think about it, we don't address the need, unless someone tells us about it. Unless someone sells us something. How do we make pe

Your Goals Need You To Get Started

If your big goals is really a series of twenty-five little goals, the sooner you get started on those little goals the sooner those goals will add up to that one big goal. -- doug smith

Who Are You Today?

How far afield have you ever gotten distracted? Have you ever gotten so far distracted that you forgot who you are? Not literally who you are, but rather who you are supposed to be in your work. Your role, your vision, your mission -- your PURPOSE for working. Presumably who you ARE is safely lit in your heart. It's in our work that we can get confused. At least, that's true for me. I've at times taken assorted bunny trails down jobs that were not suited for my purpose. I did them, whether it was as a favor, or out of a desire to serve, or to simply earn some money -- but I could always feel, in those times, a gentle tug telling me "hey, this isn't you..." Like a small cat patting me on the head when I shouldn't be sleeping. Like a small puppy tugging on my pants leg when I should be outside, moving around...that gentle but irritating feeling that there is better work ahead, but what I'm doing is getting in the way. It's easy to do. Life will l

Keep Digging

Bigger problems have more than one cause. Keep digging. -- doug smith

Wherever we are...

During a webinar that I was facilitating, one of my participants, David Palmore, quoted a former boss of his and it makes so much sense I just have to share it here: It's a supervisor's job to remove obstacles and excuses. -- Mark Howard It's so easy to find excuses - "they won't listen anyway," "it's above my pay grade," "I'm not good enough for that..." and yet what do excuses ever give you? You don't have to think too long on that because the answer is nothing. Maybe less than nothing because excuses take away opportunity. We're not always fully equipped to do the job we need to do. We often lack resources needed to achieve our biggest goals. People push back and give us second thoughts. There are walls everywhere. But we can climb those walls. We can dig under those walls. We can go around those walls. And, when we need to we can pound thru those walls. No wall is worthy of an excuse, and no excuse is as tough as a wall

Problems Spark Collaboration

Is it annoying when someone brings you a problem? Sometimes they catch us by surprise. Usually, it's in the middle of something else that's already important. There it is, a problem. We could resist. We could avoid. Or, we could engage. It's up to us. Think of someone who brings you a problem as a new collaborator. -- doug smith

Shake It Up

Do you believe everything that you believe? Every once in a while it's useful to question what we believe. When we take all of our beliefs for granted, they can outlive their usefulness. Not the core beliefs -- but the seemingly insignificant ones that stand in your way, beliefs like "luck is for the lucky," and " it's too late to make a difference now," and "if I can't convince someone I have to just go ahead and do it anyway..." Our heads are filled with stories we've heard over and over, we've told ourselves over and over, so many times that they rattle around on auto-pilot taking us to places we don't want to go anymore. We've inherited many stories that do us no good. It's OK to let them go, -- doug smith

What It Means

Find meaning in this moment. That's where the meaning is. -- doug smith

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