doug smith training

You've heard the term "Action!" in the movie business applied to beginning a scene. Get moving. Do your part. Play your role. Action. Often, the action is incomplete, incorrect, or just insufficient. When that happens on the set you'll hear "Back to one!" which means start the scene over from the beginning. You get another chance. Some directors will even give you a couple extra chances to get it right. Other directors, like Stanley Kubrick, might insist on dozens of "back to ones" to make sure something brilliant happens. We don't always get do-overs in real life, do we? But we can't get stuck at "one" or "back to one". We need action. Sketch out all the plans you want as long as you remember that it takes action to achieve your goals. And what if you don't like the results of your action? Maybe...just maybe, give back to one a chance... -- doug smith

Is feedback painful? Do you hate both giving AND receiving feedback? Most people, in my experience, tend to avoid feedback because there is pain and even emotional trauma attached. Critical feedback hurts. Positive feedback, when it comes at all, isn't always enough to counter the trauma of the critical feedback. We do need critical feedback. We need to be able to benefit from observations and experiences to improve our performance going forward. As leaders, we have a responsibility to provide our team members with both support and challenge. Feedback should be part of that challenge. But it's not really "feedback" unless it's flipped upside down. On my Fender amplifier, if I play my guitar too loud and too close to the speaker the sound feeds-back. I like that sound (it reminds me of Jimi Hendrix) but many people don't and it certainly would not fit in most worship services or orchestra pits. The feedback is essentially telling me to turn it down. But I don...

  I'm facilitating a training session this week on feedback and coaching so of course my research never stops. No matter how many times I've delivered a program, there's always more to learn. I found this video and recommend it. If you'd like to take some of the "sting" out of feedback, don't even think of it as feedback. Think of it as advice. Here's the ten minute video. If you don't have ten minutes, the first three minutes are golden. Three key points that I got from the video: Focus on the task, not the person Ask for advice, not feedback Your "second score" is how you take and process your first score. If someone says that your performance was a three on a scale of ten (ouch!) you can still get a ten on how you use that information.  -- doug smith

Have you ever avoided feedback? Do you know anyone who avoids feedback? Even when we know we benefit from feedback, we'll do our best to avoid that feedback if it hurts. Unkind critical feedback stings so much that we pull away. As leaders, we can fix that. Take the sting out. Make feedback feel useful and kind. Not by coddling or being polly-annish. Not by being toxically positive. By being accurate, unemotional, and kind. By listening first and sharing feedback second.  Lower the temperature, raise the compassion, increase the frequency, and develop a team with a culture of sharing observations and eventually people will embrace the feedback instead of avoiding it. Feedback is fuel for growth. Feedback is best built with trust. -- doug smith

A technician may criticize your technique but never your heart, never your intention, never your joy. Hear the feedback from your own place of calm. -- doug smith 

This might sound like a paradox, or a riddle, at first. I think of it as a koan.  It can be hard to be honest with yourself but it's the only way to the truth. Like it or not (and sometimes I do not like it) if we are honest with ourselves we can see our tender little fragile assumptions. If we're brutally honest with ourselves we can taste the vinegar in our lies. When we insist on exploring the truth before declaring the truth we have a much better chance of finding the truth. What do you think? -- doug smith

  Sometimes the toughest critics are those who could never do what they are being critical about. Who knows why that is -- maybe they're bitter from previous attempts like a film critic who failed at making films or a theatre critic who could never act. Or, maybe they're just unhappy. Criticism may be necessary. We do need to know what mistakes to avoid. We do need to improve. But criticism can also (usually) be kind. I'm working on easing up on my supply of criticism. Before unloading on someone, it's always worth checking to see what the motivation is. To improve them, to make yourself feel better, or something else? Be kind with other people's talents, gifts, and abilities. Maybe they are doing the best they know how to do. Maybe they're even doing more than you could in the same circumstances. If it's not your gift, don't unwrap it. Maybe work on your own gifts first. -- doug smith

It's fine to feel proud about hard work that is well done, about accomplishments, about achieving your goals. When you've worked hard, you do deserve to be proud. I've learned to be careful about how much of that pride influences me. Too much, and pride creates blind spots covering up the areas in need of improvement. Too much pride and arrogance toward others, or toward disciplined good habits, can sneak in. Pride delays improvement.  Feel the pride when you've earned it, and then get back to work with the full sense that none of us are perfect yet -- and never will be -- and yet we can constantly improve. -- doug smith  

While it may be diplomatic to hide an uncomfortable truth, it is in the end not all that kind. You can build all the walls you want around the truth and paint it with all the pretty disguises and half-truths and silences that you want but the truth will find a way to emerge. Truth is relentless and tireless. Tell the truth. Be nice about it, sure. Use the leadership strength of compassion to stay empathetic and considerate. Tell the truth with kindness but please -- do tell the truth. -- doug smith

Wouldn't it be nice if the only feedback we got was all positive? Our self-esteem would be so happy. Our confidence would be flying high. Work would be wonderful! The problem is, the mistakes we make, the opportunities we miss, the offenses we offer would go unchecked leading to - gulp - worse performance. Yes, we love the positive feedback. I can run a week on one "good job!" We also really need the constructive comments. Ready or not, we can always improve. Asking only for positive feedback sounds comforting but it's wrong. We need to ask for feedback and handle it, positive or not. If we do not receive any constructive feedback, as high performance leaders we owe it to ourselves and our teams to ask for it. It's also true when it comes to delivering feedback. Our constructive feedback for others may make them uncomfortable. Our observations of behavior may run counter to their self-evaluation. As leaders, we owe it to people to help them improve, to lead them t...

How good are you at providing feedback? If you're not sure, ask your team members. If you are good at it, they'll tell you. If you're not good at it, then maybe they will and maybe they won't. Feedback does not come easy. Skillful, useful feedback that improves both performance AND self-esteem is a delicate balance of recognizing positives and occasionally providing insights on areas of improvement -- all placed into the context of why it matters. Without the "why" -- why the feedback matters, why the improvement matters, why the performance matters, all the feedback you can muster will only fluster whoever you provide it to. Tell them what they did that was great, ask how they could make it even greater, and share with them why it all makes a difference. Because unless it really makes a difference who cares? Feedback, like any skill, takes practice. -- doug smith  

You don't need to keep score, but remember: someone is. Someone is paying attention to the way you handle feedback. Someone is monitoring your voice tones when you talk with team members. Someone is watching to see how you react when you are challenged. People, and especially leaders, are constantly evaluated. Will you be a perfect 10? Will you be a mixed up combination of varying opinions? Will you consistently treat people with the kind of respect and attentiveness that makes scoring irrelevant? High performance leaders relax on the scoring and focus on centering. Your self, your team, and some part of the world - all more centered, focused, balanced, and alive. (Oh, and don't worry -- it takes a lifetime to get there...) -- doug smith

How long does it take you to recognize when you've made a mistake? It varies. That time as a child when I put my little hand on a hot stove, I knew immediately that was a mistake. But that time that I lost weeks of work and sleep over a broken relationship, that took awhile to figure out. It's even possible to rationalize a mistake.  It's as if a thief says "I deserve this because I've had a hard life" or a counselor says to themselves "of course it's fine for me to love that client in that possibly inappropriate way because they do love me don't they?" That's dangerous territory for a leader. We might even need other people to let us know when we get close to the margins so we can pull back to safety. We might need hedges around our walls around our moats to keep us safe. And unless we recognize a mistake, we won't learn from it.  It's hard to correct mistakes, and harder still if we keep defending them. -- doug smith  

If you've ever had a boss say something mean to you, it's likely that you still remember it vividly. You probably won't ever forget it. Leaders do need to provide feedback and much of that feedback may be constructive -- coaching involves helping others improve their skills in order to achieve their goals -- but that constructive feedback can, and should, be delivered in a positive, dignified way. Not mean. Not nasty. Not insulting. Words meant to hurt are better left unsaid. -- doug smith

How does your culture handle insults? How about you? When I worked at GE we had an expression for handling insults: "grow feathers." When I first asked what does that mean, it was explained "handle insults like water off a duck's behind. If you're too sensitive, grow more feathers..." I did struggle with that at first. Someone people will come right at you with an insult. How we take that thought is completely up to us. We really can grow more feathers. The advantage is, if people see that they can't upset you, they may stop trying so hard to upset you, and start actually communicating. No matter what they say at first... It's only an insult if you take it personally. And, since it probably has much more to do with how they feel about themselves and what's going on in their own lives, it's better not to take it personally at all.  -- doug smith

  Henry the Cat, photo by Judi Madigan It's tremendously liberating to realize that the only person who can define success for you is you. Not advertising. Not guidance counselors. Not consultants. Not bosses. You. You define success, and you also define failure. Don't let anyone define failure for you.  If you didn't achieve your goal, maybe you aren't done. Maybe your goal changed. Maybe part-way is far enough. You decide. I'm not saying to take it easy on yourself (although that's not altogether bad, either) but rather don't let others be too hard on you. You decide. You define success. Keep going until you get there. -- doug smith

  When is a good time to judge? More often than not, NOW is NOT the time to judge. People do not crave or request judgment. They can benefit from feedback, but judgment leaves most people cold. Every judgment is a brick in a wall that has no foundation. It separates. It falls. It builds more walls. Judgment seems firm and strong, but more often than not it is fragile. Stay curious instead. -- doug smith

  How do you know what you don't know? Isn't the first step in learning something figuring out that you don't know what you need to know? We need that moment of cognitive dissonance to motivate us into learning. Or do we? Learning occurs in so many ways that I don't even pretend to have figured it all out. But I do know this: ignorance has a way of hiding itself. There are times when we just can't figure it out on our own. We need help. We need someone else to tell us. We need feedback. We don't know what we don't know, and that creates some awkward mistakes. Get the feedback. Ask, and then decide. There is so much more to learn. -- doug smith

What do you do when you know that your feedback for someone on your team will be tough to hear? Before I learned better, I would sometimes just keep the feedback to myself. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, after all. And they made it this far without that feedback so... But that's not the most compassionate approach. Withholding something that could make someone's life and performance better is not being sensitive, it's being ineffective. Tell them what's going on. Tell them what you are thinking. Offer your suggestions. It can still be kind. It can even be graceful. It might even contain a bit of humor. But it's best as feedback when it is clear and to the point. Prepare for that difficult feedback. You already know that there are right ways and wrong ways to deliver feedback. Plan, and practice. Get it right. Before you give feedback imagine how it would feel to hear that directed at you -- and then adjust accordingly. Be the boss y...

From Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, Executive Coach, comes this is a great way to share fast, low risk coaching with a number of people. The three steps are simple and easy: Write down an area you'd like to improve that would have a big impact for you Ask for 2 positive suggestions for the future that would help with that area Repeat getting positive suggestions from others in the group There are two simple roles for the process: No talking about the past No judging or critiquing ideas Here's Dr. Goldsmith describing the process in one of his highly useful videos: I found this article and video from one of my favorite sources of leadership advice, GetLighthouse.com, here .