doug smith training

  Sometimes the toughest critics are those who could never do what they are being critical about. Who knows why that is -- maybe they're bitter from previous attempts like a film critic who failed at making films or a theatre critic who could never act. Or, maybe they're just unhappy. Criticism may be necessary. We do need to know what mistakes to avoid. We do need to improve. But criticism can also (usually) be kind. I'm working on easing up on my supply of criticism. Before unloading on someone, it's always worth checking to see what the motivation is. To improve them, to make yourself feel better, or something else? Be kind with other people's talents, gifts, and abilities. Maybe they are doing the best they know how to do. Maybe they're even doing more than you could in the same circumstances. If it's not your gift, don't unwrap it. Maybe work on your own gifts first. -- doug smith

It's fine to feel proud about hard work that is well done, about accomplishments, about achieving your goals. When you've worked hard, you do deserve to be proud. I've learned to be careful about how much of that pride influences me. Too much, and pride creates blind spots covering up the areas in need of improvement. Too much pride and arrogance toward others, or toward disciplined good habits, can sneak in. Pride delays improvement.  Feel the pride when you've earned it, and then get back to work with the full sense that none of us are perfect yet -- and never will be -- and yet we can constantly improve. -- doug smith  

While it may be diplomatic to hide an uncomfortable truth, it is in the end not all that kind. You can build all the walls you want around the truth and paint it with all the pretty disguises and half-truths and silences that you want but the truth will find a way to emerge. Truth is relentless and tireless. Tell the truth. Be nice about it, sure. Use the leadership strength of compassion to stay empathetic and considerate. Tell the truth with kindness but please -- do tell the truth. -- doug smith

Wouldn't it be nice if the only feedback we got was all positive? Our self-esteem would be so happy. Our confidence would be flying high. Work would be wonderful! The problem is, the mistakes we make, the opportunities we miss, the offenses we offer would go unchecked leading to - gulp - worse performance. Yes, we love the positive feedback. I can run a week on one "good job!" We also really need the constructive comments. Ready or not, we can always improve. Asking only for positive feedback sounds comforting but it's wrong. We need to ask for feedback and handle it, positive or not. If we do not receive any constructive feedback, as high performance leaders we owe it to ourselves and our teams to ask for it. It's also true when it comes to delivering feedback. Our constructive feedback for others may make them uncomfortable. Our observations of behavior may run counter to their self-evaluation. As leaders, we owe it to people to help them improve, to lead them t

How good are you at providing feedback? If you're not sure, ask your team members. If you are good at it, they'll tell you. If you're not good at it, then maybe they will and maybe they won't. Feedback does not come easy. Skillful, useful feedback that improves both performance AND self-esteem is a delicate balance of recognizing positives and occasionally providing insights on areas of improvement -- all placed into the context of why it matters. Without the "why" -- why the feedback matters, why the improvement matters, why the performance matters, all the feedback you can muster will only fluster whoever you provide it to. Tell them what they did that was great, ask how they could make it even greater, and share with them why it all makes a difference. Because unless it really makes a difference who cares? Feedback, like any skill, takes practice. -- doug smith  

You don't need to keep score, but remember: someone is. Someone is paying attention to the way you handle feedback. Someone is monitoring your voice tones when you talk with team members. Someone is watching to see how you react when you are challenged. People, and especially leaders, are constantly evaluated. Will you be a perfect 10? Will you be a mixed up combination of varying opinions? Will you consistently treat people with the kind of respect and attentiveness that makes scoring irrelevant? High performance leaders relax on the scoring and focus on centering. Your self, your team, and some part of the world - all more centered, focused, balanced, and alive. (Oh, and don't worry -- it takes a lifetime to get there...) -- doug smith

How long does it take you to recognize when you've made a mistake? It varies. That time as a child when I put my little hand on a hot stove, I knew immediately that was a mistake. But that time that I lost weeks of work and sleep over a broken relationship, that took awhile to figure out. It's even possible to rationalize a mistake.  It's as if a thief says "I deserve this because I've had a hard life" or a counselor says to themselves "of course it's fine for me to love that client in that possibly inappropriate way because they do love me don't they?" That's dangerous territory for a leader. We might even need other people to let us know when we get close to the margins so we can pull back to safety. We might need hedges around our walls around our moats to keep us safe. And unless we recognize a mistake, we won't learn from it.  It's hard to correct mistakes, and harder still if we keep defending them. -- doug smith  

If you've ever had a boss say something mean to you, it's likely that you still remember it vividly. You probably won't ever forget it. Leaders do need to provide feedback and much of that feedback may be constructive -- coaching involves helping others improve their skills in order to achieve their goals -- but that constructive feedback can, and should, be delivered in a positive, dignified way. Not mean. Not nasty. Not insulting. Words meant to hurt are better left unsaid. -- doug smith

How does your culture handle insults? How about you? When I worked at GE we had an expression for handling insults: "grow feathers." When I first asked what does that mean, it was explained "handle insults like water off a duck's behind. If you're too sensitive, grow more feathers..." I did struggle with that at first. Someone people will come right at you with an insult. How we take that thought is completely up to us. We really can grow more feathers. The advantage is, if people see that they can't upset you, they may stop trying so hard to upset you, and start actually communicating. No matter what they say at first... It's only an insult if you take it personally. And, since it probably has much more to do with how they feel about themselves and what's going on in their own lives, it's better not to take it personally at all.  -- doug smith

  Henry the Cat, photo by Judi Madigan It's tremendously liberating to realize that the only person who can define success for you is you. Not advertising. Not guidance counselors. Not consultants. Not bosses. You. You define success, and you also define failure. Don't let anyone define failure for you.  If you didn't achieve your goal, maybe you aren't done. Maybe your goal changed. Maybe part-way is far enough. You decide. I'm not saying to take it easy on yourself (although that's not altogether bad, either) but rather don't let others be too hard on you. You decide. You define success. Keep going until you get there. -- doug smith

  When is a good time to judge? More often than not, NOW is NOT the time to judge. People do not crave or request judgment. They can benefit from feedback, but judgment leaves most people cold. Every judgment is a brick in a wall that has no foundation. It separates. It falls. It builds more walls. Judgment seems firm and strong, but more often than not it is fragile. Stay curious instead. -- doug smith

  How do you know what you don't know? Isn't the first step in learning something figuring out that you don't know what you need to know? We need that moment of cognitive dissonance to motivate us into learning. Or do we? Learning occurs in so many ways that I don't even pretend to have figured it all out. But I do know this: ignorance has a way of hiding itself. There are times when we just can't figure it out on our own. We need help. We need someone else to tell us. We need feedback. We don't know what we don't know, and that creates some awkward mistakes. Get the feedback. Ask, and then decide. There is so much more to learn. -- doug smith

What do you do when you know that your feedback for someone on your team will be tough to hear? Before I learned better, I would sometimes just keep the feedback to myself. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, after all. And they made it this far without that feedback so... But that's not the most compassionate approach. Withholding something that could make someone's life and performance better is not being sensitive, it's being ineffective. Tell them what's going on. Tell them what you are thinking. Offer your suggestions. It can still be kind. It can even be graceful. It might even contain a bit of humor. But it's best as feedback when it is clear and to the point. Prepare for that difficult feedback. You already know that there are right ways and wrong ways to deliver feedback. Plan, and practice. Get it right. Before you give feedback imagine how it would feel to hear that directed at you -- and then adjust accordingly. Be the boss y

From Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, Executive Coach, comes this is a great way to share fast, low risk coaching with a number of people. The three steps are simple and easy: Write down an area you'd like to improve that would have a big impact for you Ask for 2 positive suggestions for the future that would help with that area Repeat getting positive suggestions from others in the group There are two simple roles for the process: No talking about the past No judging or critiquing ideas Here's Dr. Goldsmith describing the process in one of his highly useful videos: I found this article and video from one of my favorite sources of leadership advice, GetLighthouse.com, here .

Fascinating video on the impact of feedback on performance and how our expectations are often deceived. Is positive feedback more effective, or is negative feedback a higher impact to performance? Refection Questions What do you think? If regression to the mean (falling back or rising up to the average) is to be expected, which type of feedback do you think is more effective - negative or positive?  Why is that?

Leaders, of any team, have limited vision. We can only see so much. What we see is also filtered thru our own beliefs and perceptions. A healthy self-image may add a positive spin to an otherwise cautious moment. An unhealthy self-image might make an otherwise positive experience incomplete. We need help seeing it all. High performance leaders seek, receive, and utilize feedback. That means asking your team how you are doing. It includes talking (frequently) with your boss about your goals and how you are doing on your plan. Getting opinions from your customers also helps balance out your viewpoint. To truly know what's going on, leaders need to ask. Are you asking? Are you getting the feedback you need from every direction that you need it? Today is a good day to ask someone who works with you, what's working great. And then, ask what you can do better. Because we can always do something better. -- doug smith Leadership Call to Action: Ask someone on your team to

Feedback can be hard to take but far worse to ignore. Take the feedback. What you do with it is your business, but take it. Hear it. Stay curious. Move ahead. -- doug smith

Sometimes people get better on their own, and sometimes they do not. High performance leaders don't take the chance that people will get better on their own. The key starts with feedback. When people know exactly what they did, it's possible to do it better the next time. Are your people meeting their metrics? Are they delighting customers? Are they inspiring you? Share your observations. What did you see, hear, smell, feel? What was useful about what happened? How could it be even better. We all benefit from feedback. Successful supervisors make sure it happens. -- doug smith

Are you good at criticism? I am. It's so easy to find what's wrong with something and there have been times when I'm more than happy to share that criticism. What I've learned, though is that criticism may be necessary but there are useful and not useful ways of delivering it. Negative energy comes from negative input. If all I communicate is what is wrong with what I see, it both shuts down the desire for feedback AND distorts what I see. It would be extraordinary for anything to be all wrong, or all right. There are degrees of excellence. High performance leaders work to increase the degrees of excellence. That is helped by respecting whatever we're evaluating. Share your observations, certainly. Just be sure to observe what works as well as what does not work. Balance criticism with hope and confidence or the criticism will do more harm than good. And high performance leaders are all about doing what's good. -- doug smith Leadership Call to A

I like the theory that says "there is no failure only feedback" that comes from NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming.) There is much truth in that. But, like all truth, it applies and then it doesn't. Context matters. There are mistakes that we can make that we do not learn from because there is no second chance. Some mistakes, life threatening or relationship ending, offer no other chance. So as the sarge used to say at the beginning of every "Hill Street Blues" episode, "let's be careful out there." -- doug smith