doug smith training

Have you considered flexibility in communication? I thought about this yesterday when my first impulse as a response to something that someone said to me was to share my own experience, my own advice, my own perspective. But I didn't do that. It would have been easy, but it would have been wrong from an emotional standpoint. The other person hadn't asked for my advice.  If she did, I was ready. The advice, the point of view, was all ready to go. But she didn't so I simply listened. Quiet can communicate so much. Staying flexible in the moment, knowing the options and then selecting the most compassionate, caring, useful response greatly improves communication. Conversations can be dances where we don't step on each other's feet. Conversations can be fluid, flexible, light, and still substantive. Flexible. Even when I am absolutely sure that I know the answer... There is always more than one answer. -- doug smith

Who tells lies? That's not a trick question. We all lie.  There may even be some circumstances when lying seems appropriate. The trouble is when we lie we convince ourselves that the circumstances warrant lying, even when they don't. It makes it hard to know when anyone's telling the truth. It makes it hard to make and keep agreements. It doesn't have to be that way. We could simply tell the truth. Always. Some conversations would take longer. Some conversations might contain more conflict than we'd like. But, imagine what a boost your level of trust gets when people realize that you can be relied on to always tell the truth. Not just when it's easy. Not just when it's convenient. Always. Wouldn't you rather live with no more lies? Tell the truth. You can handle it. -- doug smith

Are there conversations that scare you? It's easy to quote Eleanor Roosevelt and say "face into your fears" but the reality is that there are some conversations that freeze us. Some discussions that put us off, so we put them off. I know that I have missed some vital conversational opportunities. I expect that to change. If we want better conversations, we need to initiate them when the opportunity emerges (not when we feel like it, right then and there). Let's keep the conversation going. Let's talk when we need to talk. Let's build our relationships, our teams, and our organizations using much more effective communication. It takes hard work, it takes courage, but as I have recently discovered in many startling ways, how you communicate is who you are. Who you are to yourself, who you are to other people, the who of you that you create. It's big. It's scary. It's critically important. I'm willing to work through the fear of a tough conv

How much of your daily conversations do you find useful? So much of what we say to each other is small talk. We make friendly banter, or not (more and more we see people simply staring into their phones). How much more could we get out of our conversations? How much deeper could we go? Every conversation is an opportunity to solve a problem or achieve a goal. It just might not be your problem or goal. It could be someone else's. It could be your conversational partner's. Are you willing to leverage your conversations more and accomplish more in the process? Or is that phone calling you again? -- Doug Smith

What are your clues to success? What works best for you when you find that you are communicating successfully? Over many years of training, supervising, managing, and facilitating, I have found these following five factors extremely useful as clues to success. When they are used and shared, success is assured. When they are ignored, success is elusive. CLUES to Success - Create agreements - Listen with curiosity - Understand the facts and feelings - Express yourself positively - Share responsibility for success Much of my work is focused on helping people communicate more effectively by embracing and using these clues to success. I'll be occasionally writing about these five clues in the context of creating better conversations, powerful presentations, productive meetings, and creative writing. I invite you to explore these ideas with me and whenever the urge occurs, to add your two cents. What are your personal and professional clues to success? How do you communica

How good are your listening skills? If you listen first, communicating your message becomes much easier. When does listening matter? Listening comes first when you want: -- More productive meetings -- Deeper conversations -- True dialogue -- More powerful presentations -- Coaching -- Conflict resolution -- Creative writing Listening matters. How will you listen more effectively today? -- Doug Smith

How much of your day do you spend helping other people solve their problems? Leaders seem to spend a lot of time listening, sorting, consulting, coaching, and working with people so that they can solve their problems. All of this often comes before the people involved have anything to do with solving the leader's own problems. It's a duty that builds relationships and loyalty. It's a calling that helps to make leadership unique. And it starts with better conversations. Centered leaders help people solve problems quickly, fairly, sustainably, and collaboratively. Who are you helping today? How will you create a better conversation that leads to problem solving? -- Doug Smith

Do you sometimes wonder if a certain person will EVER learn? Have you ever become frustrated when someone seems to repeat the same mistakes? Helping someone to learn can take patience. It can take several tries. It can take several methods and all of our reserve of creativity. But if the lesson needed to learn is worth it, we persist. People will learn if you don't give up on them. Maybe what we've tried hasn't worked yet. Maybe we need to try something else. Maybe we need to decouple ourselves from the consequences of that other person not yet learning. I try to keep this in mind: they haven't failed yet -- they just haven't yet learned. Maybe we need to ask better questions and create better conversations. That's where our influence starts. -- Doug Smith What have you learned today?

What makes you angry? Do you ever feel anger and wonder where it came from? Sometimes I've noticed that anger appears out of scale with the thing that seemed to trigger it. Maybe it's an accumulation of aggravations. Maybe it's a sustained patience that has become unsustainable. Maybe it's a lifetime of little disappointments. The anger boils, flairs, and erupts. At that point it can be highly unhealthy. We lash out. We shout. We blame. We break things. Humans can be so sloppy sometimes. We lose our center and our balance lists like a ship in a storm. Our storm of anger rocks our world. Maybe you haven't experienced this, and if not, maybe you've seen it in other people. It can scare. Where the anger heads though isn't always where it belongs. Fall-out occurs. Innocent feelings and people are hurt. The targets of our anger are seldom the cause of our anger. We punish the wrong people. We overreact to minor disagreements propelled by the build u

"It wasn't my fault." "I wasn't even there." "I think it happened on the other shift." "They are always messing things up." Who's to blame? When things go wrong, when a customer gets angry, when a supplier raises prices, when things don't go as you planned. Who's to blame? Will it even help if you could pin that down to one person? Will pouring guilt or punishment on a person solve your problem? Probably not. But people do it all the time. It becomes part of the conversation before we even realize it.  Blaming others is so easy that many people don't even know they are doing it. What if we stopped blaming others? What if instead, we worked together to find solutions, better ways of doing things, and ways to avoid what caused our problem to begin with? It's OK to find constructive suggestions to offer to people who need it. But they need more. And problems need more in order to solve. To arrive at ou

Is your partner perfect? Are you? We don't need a perfect person in order to create love. Love creates the perfect person. Often, it starts by building better conversations. Are you ready to listen? -- Doug Smith

What might stop you from reaching your goal? Every goal has a list of things which stand in the way and must be dropped. Things like... -- excuses -- time wasters -- ambiguities -- mixed priorities -- other people's goals that don't match yours -- recreational activities -- too much facebook, twitter, etc... You name it. Your own goals have their share of roadblocks with one cure: drop them. Get rid of whatever stands in the way of your goal, or watch it stand in the way. Where do you start? Drop them from your conversations, from your presentations, and from your meetings. By dropping excuses you will immediately begin to create better conversations, more productive meetings, more creative writing, and more powerful presentations. Won't that be useful? Won't that be nice? You decide. -- Doug Smith

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." -- Mahatma Gandhi Not every cause creates a buzz. Not every leader finds the people needed to move the movement. Sometimes followers are hard to find. Sometimes our communications fall unheard and unheeded. Have you ever tried to lead an effort and found that you were mostly alone? What happens next? Remembering that if it was easy, it would have been done long ago, leaders with a focus on making necessary and timely change keep at it. Followers may come and go, but the cause remains. Centered leaders lead even when followers are hard to find. That's the part that calls for influence. Are you ready? ACTION PLAN: 1. Identify your most important cause. What is the one thing that you want to influence in your life right now? 2. What can you do to start influencing that, right now? 3. Who are your three closest friends? What would they each say about your noble cause? Ho

What happens to your project team as your project gets closer to the deadline? Does it gain momentum? Does it play fast and enthusiastically toward the goal? High performance leaders do not assume that a project team will remain cohesive thru the project and beyond. They could get distracted. Resources could dry up. Technology could break down. Relationships could strain or get muddled. What's a leader to do? Increase the level of communication. Drive deeper, more meaningful conversations to see how everyone is doing. Keep team meetings focused and on task to make them more productive.  Create powerful presentations that ask compelling questions and create an atmosphere where you the leader listen and encourage others to listen with curiosity. Reward people for progress made -- but don't forget anyone. Singling out top performers at the expense of those carrying the bulk of the load can backfire. There's much that a high performance leader can do to ke

Want to send a powerful message to your people? Want to communicate more effectively? Smile. They want to know how they are doing -- AND they want to know how you're doing. Walking around with a serious face all the time will wear them down. They'll wonder what's up. They'll start to question the path your team is on. Their desire to communicate will diminish. You can do better. You can create better conversations. Start with a smile. Find the joy in what you do and share it. Find the happiness in your team and grow it. Smile. -- Doug Smith

Your goals gain power when they also become someone else's goals. Suddenly, you have the force of multiple people on your side. The stakes are higher. You've got partners who can help, who care, who will push forward with you. You've got more power for your goals. Who do you know who can share your goals? Could you create a better than ever conversation by including your goals?  When will you ask them? -- Doug Smith Get help with your goals in our teleclass "How To Achieve Your Goals" .  Contact us today for more information.