doug smith training

Every argument contains at least one misunderstanding. Why? So often we are in such a hurry to express ourselves that we don't pay attention to what someone else is saying. Or, we confuse style with content. When we find someone's personality abrasive it's easy to disregard anything they have to offer. Right, or wrong. I learned the hard way that none of us ever has the complete picture. Even when our opinion is correct, it is incomplete. Until we see a more complete picture (we may never know all of the details) we would do well to stay curious.  Every argument starts with misunderstandings, and usually stays there. What if we dug deeper? What if we did stay curious? What if we're wrong - how will we know unless we listen? -- doug smith

Do you talk a lot? Do you remember everything you say? Is it possible that you might have said something that: a) inspired someone b) motivated someone c) bored someone d) insulted someone Possibly. Probably. Sure. Even beyond the point of your remembering what you said. I've said things that I later regretted long after being able to remember what it was that I said. The feeling remains. Someone else retains the message (even if it's not the message that was intended.) Everything you say is remembered by someone. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Is there something on your mind that you are not talking about? Do you need a conversation with someone but keep avoiding it? It's tough, isn't it? The conversations that feel like the toughest only get tougher the longer they are delayed. Talk about it. Talk about it now. -- doug smith

There's a lot of arguing going on. Does it seem to you like it's getting worse each day? People are losing friends, people are ignoring each other, people are letting logic slip out of their heads while the emotional train takes over. It doesn't have to be that way. You have some control of whether or not (and how) you argue. The next time you are about to argue, try keeping this in mind: the impulse to argue is a signal to stay curious instead. Maybe you'll learn something. Maybe you'll teach something. There's plenty of room to interact respectfully. -- doug smith

True story: when I was much younger I was known to tell a tale or two. They were usually rooted in reality, but I'd embellish the truth to make it more interesting. Like that story I'd tell about my trip to McSorley's in New York when I ran into John Lennon. We had a nice conversation. Except, he wasn't there. I thought of him, and he lived in New York at the time, but seriously was much more likely to be on the other side of town. Go figure. How many times did I tell that tale? Maybe once or twice. Once to my best friend at the time. Did she believe me? Not if she knew me well enough... How about you? Do your fish stories end up with bigger fish than you actually caught? Do you augment reality with some great tales? I got a great gift last December from one of my good friends and fraternity brother, David Spiegel. It's a coffee mug with the saying "Keep telling the stories" written on it. I love it. I don't think that he meant "tell tales." ...

Sometimes people get better on their own, and sometimes they do not. High performance leaders don't take the chance that people will get better on their own. The key starts with feedback. When people know exactly what they did, it's possible to do it better the next time. Are your people meeting their metrics? Are they delighting customers? Are they inspiring you? Share your observations. What did you see, hear, smell, feel? What was useful about what happened? How could it be even better. We all benefit from feedback. Successful supervisors make sure it happens. -- doug smith