doug smith training

  Many people sense a natural gift for sarcasm. A funny remark at someone else's expense might make you laugh, but what about the person the humors is directed toward. To say afterwards "it's just a joke" misses the obvious -- there is an element of truth inside that joke or at least an element of intention. I know that I am overly sensitive about sarcasm and I know that many people find it funny. If it bothers me, though, I expect that it bothers other people, too. Even when we get the joke, we do not think it funny. It's worth asking yourself before that joke emerges floating on mean spirits with the wit whether or not sarcasm is your best choice. And when someone uses sarcasm on you, it's worth being bold enough to ask them. "Is sarcasm your best choice right now?"  Because they can do better. We can all do better. But, sarcasm does not help. -- doug smith

The art of leadership includes knowing when to be sensitive and when to be tough. It could even be a combination of sensitive (caring about the feelings of others) AND tough (standing your ground.) High performance leaders balance sensitivity and toughness to make sure they don't break themselves or anyone else.  -- doug smith  

How does your culture handle insults? How about you? When I worked at GE we had an expression for handling insults: "grow feathers." When I first asked what does that mean, it was explained "handle insults like water off a duck's behind. If you're too sensitive, grow more feathers..." I did struggle with that at first. Someone people will come right at you with an insult. How we take that thought is completely up to us. We really can grow more feathers. The advantage is, if people see that they can't upset you, they may stop trying so hard to upset you, and start actually communicating. No matter what they say at first... It's only an insult if you take it personally. And, since it probably has much more to do with how they feel about themselves and what's going on in their own lives, it's better not to take it personally at all.  -- doug smith