doug smith training

It takes courage to tell the truth because it's not always popular and it's often risky. Knowing that the truth could get you into trouble will steer some people into lies, which once told tend to perpetuate to the point where the teller doesn't even remember that it's not true. That's not for you. That's not for high performance, centered leaders. While it does take guts to tell the truth, it also takes curiosity, diligence, and interrogation to discover the truth. If it's easy to tell lies, it's even easier to believe them.  Asking is more powerful than telling because it helps to uncover the truth, to discover the truth.  Our courage increases when we rely on truth. To rely on truth requires identifying it fearlessly. What do you think? -- doug smith

Whatever the reason is for telling a lie, it's not a good reason. A noble purpose never justifies telling lies. For now, and forever, tell the truth. -- doug smith  

Do you share any fish stories? You know the idea, the fish you caught gets bigger every time you tell about it. I do not fish but I'm sure I've told some whopper fish stories.  Even though we cannot perfect the past, we sure do try. Intentionally and unintentionally, details change. We remember things differently. We remember the last time we remembered. The original phenomenon swims in a river that no longer exists. Our story is different every time we tell it. We don't need to change that, but we should definitely be aware of it. -- doug smith P.S. Is today's truth better than yesterday's truth? Let's just not lie about it... 

There have been times when I was teaching a program called "Communicating With Tact and Diplomacy" when one or more of the participants would tell me "this is my last chance -- HR sent me here to fix me or I'm gone..." How's that for a challenge? Get fixed or get gone. I very often tell people that I can't fix anyone because people are not broken in places I know how to fix. But, that's not a great thing to say to someone who has their working life on the line. It might sound diplomatic, but it is not helpful, and maybe not entirely true. Entirely true? What even does that mean? Isn't something true or NOT? The point is, we do not need to fix anyone in order to help them fix the way they perform. In my classes I do sometimes help people become more diplomatic -- but that is a start, not an end destination. There is something better than diplomacy and that is compassionate truth. It's harder, it takes more time, it's often easily misunders...

This might sound like a paradox, or a riddle, at first. I think of it as a koan.  It can be hard to be honest with yourself but it's the only way to the truth. Like it or not (and sometimes I do not like it) if we are honest with ourselves we can see our tender little fragile assumptions. If we're brutally honest with ourselves we can taste the vinegar in our lies. When we insist on exploring the truth before declaring the truth we have a much better chance of finding the truth. What do you think? -- doug smith

A clumsy truth is more noble than an eloquent lie. The lie is so tempting. It feels like it preserves our ego. Instead, it delays the bruise that's bound to appear. Clumsy truths unnerve me sometimes. As Brene' Brown might say, we just need to risk being vulnerable in order to make the better choice, to disclose our truth. Awkward, sure. Embarrassing, maybe. But let's go with the truth first. It's a vital step toward going with the truth always. -- doug smith

While it may be diplomatic to hide an uncomfortable truth, it is in the end not all that kind. You can build all the walls you want around the truth and paint it with all the pretty disguises and half-truths and silences that you want but the truth will find a way to emerge. Truth is relentless and tireless. Tell the truth. Be nice about it, sure. Use the leadership strength of compassion to stay empathetic and considerate. Tell the truth with kindness but please -- do tell the truth. -- doug smith

The truth won't disappear even if you hide it. It might be possible to hide the truth for a while, but it will inevitably emerge. Are you someone who tries to hide the truth, or are you someone who reveals the truth? Either way, there is skill behind the effort. Oh, and either way the truth will still bubble to the top. -- doug smith

Can you reach a durable agreement with someone who does not share your values? Does it depend on which value? Certainly, it matters whether or not someone values truth -- and you could still disagree on what that means. It matters if the value is honesty, integrity, ethical behaviors -- and it matters enough that it is worth getting to know people before you agree too deeply.  Until we agree on values we will never fully agree. And, the cost of pretending to agree is higher than disagreement. Do you agree? -- doug smith  

  I remember a long time ago working on a production of "The Man of LaMancha" and wondering, seriously wondering, what kind of illusion caused don Quixote to tilt at windmills. He was sincere in his beliefs. He was nearly convincing in his convictions -- but it was all most an illusion. Do you know anyone like that? Can you think of someone so convinced of a "truth" that is clearly an outright fallacy that they cannot think rationally? Some people fall in love with their illusions, the way that don Quixote fell in love with Dulcinea. The heart is there, the energy is there, but there is no truth there. Falling in love with an illusion does not make it real. -- doug smith

Even if honesty seems rare, you can achieve it with discipline. When you practice it. When you insist on it. When you get better at testing your assumptions. When you give people the chance to tell the truth by responding with respect. High performance leaders finds ways to explore before they implore -- they make certain of the truth before they swear by it. Powerful leaders stay open to possibilities that they may not have contemplated and allow the truth to emerge. Once the truth emerges, there will still be people who doubt it, who still will resist. When we can share what we think and what we feel with honesty, it will serve us well even when we're wrong (because even honest people are sometimes wrong). Insist on honesty with respect - it's a great path to the truth. -- doug smith

Change, change, change. We break things apart. We tear down walls and build new ones. We erase boundaries and discover traps underneath. Change is hard enough, and so we make it fast. We accelerate. Go, go, go! Behind us, structures and visions and experiences so easily forgotten that they fail to lead us on. Do we dare forget? Would we be better served to honor what went before as we forge our way ahead? Remember, that the wisdom of the past may be filled with flaws, but there's also much relevant truth. Study what is true, because it matters to you. -- doug smith  

Do you know anyone who has every bit of the absolute truth? Nothing can ever convince that type of person that they could be wrong. It could be because they know for sure that part of it IS true.  But do they really? I'm not saying that all truth is relative (although certainly SOME is...) But, unless we keep an open mind and stay curious, how will we ever know, how will we ever grow? Tell me the truth, just don't pretend you know all of it. -- doug smith  

If you or your team, or anyone on your team has a secret agenda, how is that working for you? In team building, establishing trust is a long effort and easily broken. People are watching you, and others on the team, every step of the way. When we keep secret agendas and try to manipulate people into helping us fulfill those agendas, that trust cracks open. Who is that secret agenda hurting the most?  Some random team member? Some soft-spoken customer? A vendor who is struggling to make their own budget? A regulator? That secret agenda is hurting your team. High performance, centered leaders tell the truth. They set goals that are easy to understand. They honestly detail the vision, mission, and agenda of the team. Lacking that, the team is lacking. -- doug smith

It's hard to escape it: there are lies everywhere. Behind every lie is a liar, someone who knows that they are deceiving people. The lies might be obvious. They might even rationalize the lies into harmless ways around the truth.  There is no way around the truth. The only way to the truth is telling the truth. It's tempting to rationalize our own reactions to lies. After all, they lied first so what's the harm in twisting the truth just a little for a good cause. No. You can't stop a liar from lying, but you don't have to play a liar's game. High performance leaders with integrity tell the truth. -- doug smith

How often is your truth tested? How often do people check to make sure that everything you've communicated to them is true? When it comes to your team, the answer is every day. High performance leaders can not stand to slip and deceive anyone on the team because it is sure to be caught. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe some time down the road, but it will surely be caught and when it is, the team becomes a bit less effective Every day your truth is tested so you might as well make it true. If you're going to be tested, you might as well test true.  -- doug smith  

  Have you ever imagined something so much or so strongly that you believe it's happened, even when it hasn't?  Like a dream, a creative endeavor takes on a quiet life of its own. We see it. We feel it. We're sure we did our work to make it happen.  But if we didn't do the work, it didn't happen. That's why some  writers will not talk about a piece they're working on: if they talk about it too much, it already feels complete, and it's NOT. Our minds are wonderful, and sometimes they're funny. We can do that with "facts" as well. Our own inner bias convinces us that a particular view is true, even in the face of contrary evidence. We see that all over these days. What we imagine to be true sometimes gets in the way of what is actually true. It's the job of a true high performance leader to know the truth, to tell the truth, and to lead with the truth. Leaders who don't, don't deserve to be leaders.  -- doug smith

When people suspect you of lying you've got some truth to tell. Where's the doubt? Where's the suspicion? Where's the pattern of distrust emerging? Not everyone can even hear the truth, but we have a leadership option to tell it. And, maybe even more importantly, we have the need and responsibility to explore our truth before proclaiming it. What if we're wrong? What if our "truth" is incomplete? What if the delivery of our "truth" smells like lies? When people suspect you of lying -- it's worth checking to see if they could be right. -- doug smith

What do you do when someone lies to you? It's probably happened to you several times today. People lie for so many reasons -- to spare your feelings, to fool you, to avoid work, to navigate blame, to gain an advantage...even out of laziness. The trouble with lies is that they are always inevitably discovered. What has become a disturbing trend is that even when someone is caught in a lie, they often simply just lie again. They lie about the lie. They lie about the truth. They lie about whether you should even care if the tell the truth. Geez. We've all told lies, but there comes a time to stop. There comes a time when the lies pile up so high that we can't even try to see our way to the truth. There comes a time when the lies cut relationships to shreds and turn communication into dread. There comes a time when no matter how dramatic or risky it may seem we should tell the truth. Exclusively. No lies at all. That time is now. Now is the best time to deal with lies. First (a...

The truth can stand any level of inquiry. When in doubt, tell the truth. When under duress, tell the truth. When your courage is low, tell the truth. Keep kindness in mind. Stay open to other perceptions. But please, tell the truth. -- doug smith