doug smith training

A truth that you don't know is more dangerous than a truth that you DO know. Find the truth. You can take it. -- doug smith

Lies lead to lies and there lies the problem. Clarity is the solution. We tolerate, we generate, too many darn lies. What are we afraid of with truth? Why do we try to deceive one another? Lies, lies, lies. A lie opens the door to air the truth, if we can spot the lie. We can always spot the lie. It's not like they are so hard to find. Besides being everywhere, they are usually painfully obvious. Let's lean  on the truth instead. The cold, hard, honest truth. If the truth isn't kind, there is more truth to find. Keep looking. Keep telling the truth. -- doug smith

When was the last time you caught someone in a lie? How did you react? It was probably not that long ago, maybe even today. People lie to each other everyday. Some of those lies we let pass, but some startle us so much in their boldness, in their malice, in their deviousness that we are emotionally moved to do something about it. What should we do? We could react with anger. That is sure to stir up more anger. We could react with sadness. Surely, we have every reason to be sad, but what will that accomplish? A better reaction? Call to question the statement in question. Here are some things that work for me: "I'm not sure that I understood what you just said, could you say it another way?" or "I'm not sure I agree with that. Can you convince me?" or "Wow." (the word I sometimes say when I can't think of what to say -- OR I'm thinking of a word that would not be socially acceptable or polite. And yes, even when you catch a lie

A lie is a try to buy self-esteem and the price is too high. -- doug smith

What makes it so hard sometimes to tell the truth? Maybe because people will react, and then we have to be ready for that reaction. But if the reaction you want is trust, understanding, and belief, then keep on telling the truth. Before you give your honest answer, make sure it IS your honest answer. Someone might believe you. -- doug smith

My goal is to tell the truth. All of the time. That's more difficult than you might expect, given our daily temptations to tell little lies of convenience -- especially when we consider that NOT telling something a truth they are entitled to hear is a kind of lie of omission. No one is perfect, but with a little work and a clear intention, we certainly CAN tell the truth. It's a habit worth developing. Once you get into that habit, of telling the truth all of the time, you may find yourself insisting on hearing only the truth from others. That's even more difficult. Some people lie so much that they don't even realize it. Some people lie so much that they come to believe their own lies. What do you do with that? All we can do is to start by telling the truth. All the truth we know. We may later learn that we didn't even know all of the truth, or that someone else's view of a situation is different from ours (and just as true.) Still, let's start with

We all tell lies. In my workshops I often ask the question "Who do we lie to the most?" and the answer follows quickly as "ourselves." We lie the most to ourselves. Weird, isn't it? How can we even fool ourselves? But someone we do. It's so easy to lie to ourselves that we usually don't realize that we're lying. Take a moment. Breathe. Give yourself the truth test once in a while (say, every day!) You CAN handle the truth. -- doug smith

Are your team members ever angry with you? Whether you are a creative artist, a business person, a not-for-profit consultant...whatever -- when we are doing important, passionate work we will sometimes generate anger. It might be unexpected. It might be provoked. People get angry. Anger can cloud our understanding. We can disagree. We disagree every day with some one (and sometimes it feels like half the world!) The better path, better than getting upset, is to clarify. If we disagree, we can figure out how to understand. Unless we understand, all the anger in the world is wasted energy. High performance leaders find ways to disagree respectfully while staying open to new possibilities. Ever been wrong? I'm wrong at least once a day. Disagreeing with my truth is often useful. Getting angry at it seldom is. -- doug smith

Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves. We talk ourselves out of things we want to do (or don't want to do...) We lie about our abilities, our authority, our status. Maybe we lie because it is safer than taking a risk. Maybe we lie because the truth is so harsh. Who are we fooling? When we fool ourselves, you know what that makes us. I might not be able to eliminate lies, but I do not have to believe them. And...whenever I lie to myself I try to laugh a little and move on. How about you? -- doug smith

Who knows everything? I don't know everything, do you? No one knows everything. Now, before we break out into song, maybe the best thing I can offer on this incomplete version of the truth is this: No one can tell you your truth, AND your truth alone is incomplete. It's true for me, it's true for you.  Or, is it? If you allow your truth to grow, to change, to evolve, it will stop getting in your way and instead will open up more possibilities. And possibilities are the super fuel of success. -- doug smith

I often ask the question "who do we lie to the most?" and the answer is nearly universal: ourselves. We lie the most to ourselves. What a disservice. What an encumbrance. What a waste. Tell the truth, and start with yourself, Once we can tell the truth to ourselves it's easier to tell it to others. I'm going to work on that. How about you? -- doug smith

Do you ever lie to yourself? Most of us do. Of all the lies we tell, we lie to ourselves the most. And for what? Toward what aim? Lying to ourselves is fruitless. Lying to ourselves is damaging. Lying to ourselves is no way to achieve our goals or to communicate effectively. Your truth will matter more to others when it matters more to yourself. Tell yourself the truth. -- doug smith

When was the last time that you were lied to? Maybe you know, and maybe you don't. It could depend on the lie. The person who lied to you could be so good at lying that you still don't know. Or, maybe they didn't even consider it to be a lie -- but it is. Lies cause hardship and heartbreak. Lies damage relationships and distort results. And yet, we all lie. Maybe because we don't realize the extent of the harm that lies cause. Destroyed trust, broken promises, unfair distribution of limited resources, lost opportunities... If we knew -- really knew -- how harmful lies really are we might stop telling them. You could stop today. I could stop today. Let's stop. -- doug smith Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.  -- Don Miguel Ruiz "Lying to ourselves is more dee

Who tells lies? That's not a trick question. We all lie.  There may even be some circumstances when lying seems appropriate. The trouble is when we lie we convince ourselves that the circumstances warrant lying, even when they don't. It makes it hard to know when anyone's telling the truth. It makes it hard to make and keep agreements. It doesn't have to be that way. We could simply tell the truth. Always. Some conversations would take longer. Some conversations might contain more conflict than we'd like. But, imagine what a boost your level of trust gets when people realize that you can be relied on to always tell the truth. Not just when it's easy. Not just when it's convenient. Always. Wouldn't you rather live with no more lies? Tell the truth. You can handle it. -- doug smith

Why do we lie? That's a compelling question worth exploring. I once read that on average we tell about 26 lies a day. That's a lot of lying. But as leaders, don't we rely on our people to tell the truth? Aren't they (and our customers, and our families!) relying on US to tell the truth? What if it's not exactly our fault? What if we can dramatically reverse the amount of lies we tell by adding a bit of mindfulness? I like this video. It involves behavioral science and while it would be nice to have even more research on this, I do find the evidence compelling that very often we lie unconsciously. Watch the video and see what you think. Interesting experiment? What opportunities can you think of where you work to wake-up the moral foundation in yourself and in the people in your life? How can you remind people that you are counting on the truth? We all must communicate effectively to achieve the results that we want. That means finding, and delivering,

How do you feel when someone hides the truth? I've worked in organizations that had upper management who, well, kept secrets. They knew about major moves. They planned major changes. But, they didn't tell us what was going on. The truth can rattle your feelings, but how can you deal with it if you don't know it. Successful supervisors know that their team members need to know the truth. What to expect. Hiding the truth is temporary at best, because the truth will always bubble to the top. It will always emerge. Why not bring it out sooner, with integrity, honesty, and grace? A hidden truth is not very helpful. Real truth sees the light of day in time to shine value on the people involved. Go for the value. Shine your light of truth. -- Doug Smith

I hate hidden agendas. When people have motives that they do not reveal it is the worst kind of lie. That's why I appreciate the truth so much. We can't all, and can't always, handle radical truth. We need a little filtering to keep from walking around with bruised feelings all of the time. We can handle truth delivered with respect. We can handle truth that is useful. And, we can certainly handle the truth about our goals. What do you want? What's your biggest goal? Once we start sharing that level of truth we can genuinely help each other the most. Being honest about our goals is necessary to tell the truth. What do you want, how do you define the success of what you want, and when do you want it. Action word + result you want + time.  That's what I call ART goals and the best way to get the most out of them is to be upfront and honest. Once we know what we want, we can intelligently decide whether to agree or not. Anything less is pretending. Go for

Why do people lie? It's aggravating. It's inconvenient. It's often easy to spot. And yet, we all do it. I'm not pointing any fingers here because I know that I've spun my own version of the truth sometimes. I'm working to stop that. The older I get the more I see the value in pure, unfiltered truth. But truth is sometimes hard to take, and maybe that's why we sometimes lie. Lies blur our vision. Lies bruise our relationships. Lies block positive energy and fill space with something much worse. We should tell the truth. As centered leaders, problem solvers, and goal achievers we should also bring out the truth. We should create the kinds of spaces and places where people know that they are free to tell the truth - and more than that must tell the truth because we insist on it. Every little lie creates a vast chasm. Let's do better than that. Let's tell the truth. And, taking the next step, let's also insist on the truth. What "t

Do you ever think that it's a bit hard to uncover the truth? Sometimes I've worked on problems where the hardest part in getting through an obstacle is uncovering the truth behind what's causing it. And yet, once the truth is uncovered, things can get moving again. People have their reasons for hiding things. Maybe they are afraid of the consequences. Maybe their self-esteem is at stake. Maybe they just don't know any better. As leaders, when we stay curious and persistent we can do everybody a favor by discovering the truth. The objective, fact-driven, feeling-validated truth. Solving that for the whole world would take a lifetime. Solving that for each project is just plain responsible and certainly possible. It takes more courage to uncover the truth and that's because the payoff is so huge. Finding the truth helps us solve our problems and achieve our goals, and that's what project management is all about. What deep-rooted truths does your projec