Open the Door

When was the last time you caught someone in a lie? How did you react?

It was probably not that long ago, maybe even today. People lie to each other everyday. Some of those lies we let pass, but some startle us so much in their boldness, in their malice, in their deviousness that we are emotionally moved to do something about it. What should we do?

We could react with anger. That is sure to stir up more anger.

We could react with sadness. Surely, we have every reason to be sad, but what will that accomplish?

A better reaction? Call to question the statement in question. Here are some things that work for me:

"I'm not sure that I understood what you just said, could you say it another way?" or
"I'm not sure I agree with that. Can you convince me?" or
"Wow." (the word I sometimes say when I can't think of what to say -- OR I'm thinking of a word that would not be socially acceptable or polite. And yes, even when you catch a lie in action you can still be polite. It might even be your best strategy.

Open up the lie. Examine it with curiosity. Clarify the intent behind the deception. What would cause someone to say such a thing? What is your role in the construction of that whole perception?
Open up the lie.

A lie opens up the door to tell the truth.

Tell the truth. Discover the truth. Uncover the truth.

-- doug smith

Comments

Practice Re-centering

It's fairly easy to get pushed off-center, which makes regular practice at re-centering essential. How do you re-center? What's your favorite way to get back on track, calm your inner wildness and focus? Deep breathes? Meditation? Long walks? Quiet focused attention? Whatever works, do that. Why not practice right now? -- doug smith

Your Best

When are you at your best? It's probably not when things are the easiest. It could be when you are wrestling with a problem and use your skills and talents to forge a fabulous solution. Problems give you the platform to promote your best you. Faced with a problem, give it your best. -- doug smith

No Hiding

We can't hide from a problem. It will find us. Every single time. -- doug smith

Gain That Personal Input

Do you like it when other people make decisions for you? Me, either -- and neither do the people on your team. That's all the more true about decisions that become, or feel like, rules. Our inner rebel will rise. A rule we didn't make seems much easier to break. If you want your team to keep certain rules, first find out how they feel about those rules. -- doug smith

To Be The Best

You could rely on luck. You could depend on inheritance. Maybe you could fake it until you make it. All of those courses of action are unreliable. As an old friend used to say about buying lottery tickets: "It's for people who think that the answer is outside of themselves." To be the best work harder than the rest. That's the only secret formula you need. -- doug smith

Calm

A technician may criticize your technique but never your heart, never your intention, never your joy. Hear the feedback from your own place of calm. -- doug smith

Beyond Production

The trouble with production quotas is that they cause people to do anything necessary to meet them. Cheat. Lie. Cover-up. Bend the rules. Break the rules...if the stakes are high enough and the pressure is strong enough people may feel forced into doing whatever it takes to win. That's not winning. Leaders do need to measure success and we do need to identify key activities on the path to that success, but we must constantly be careful about the means as well as the ends. How strong is your focus on quality? How committed are you to integrity? Are people on your team rewarded for supporting the team? The problem with competition is that someone always loses. It does not need to be your team. -- doug smith

Build The Right Connections

Build the connections that strengthen your team and release the ones that tether your team to trouble. What we hold tight might not be what we need now. Deliberate connection just might take your full attention. -- doug smith

Prioritizing

Sometimes we have to avoid the problem in front of us to solve the problem ahead of us. -- doug smith

Leveraging Shared Problems

As frustrating as it is, some people don't care about your problem until you make it their problem, too. But you don't have to manipulate them into it. Talk about it. Share your concerns. Find the connections and you'll also find their investment. Once they are in, collaboration is far more likely. -- doug smith

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