Open the Door

When was the last time you caught someone in a lie? How did you react?

It was probably not that long ago, maybe even today. People lie to each other everyday. Some of those lies we let pass, but some startle us so much in their boldness, in their malice, in their deviousness that we are emotionally moved to do something about it. What should we do?

We could react with anger. That is sure to stir up more anger.

We could react with sadness. Surely, we have every reason to be sad, but what will that accomplish?

A better reaction? Call to question the statement in question. Here are some things that work for me:

"I'm not sure that I understood what you just said, could you say it another way?" or
"I'm not sure I agree with that. Can you convince me?" or
"Wow." (the word I sometimes say when I can't think of what to say -- OR I'm thinking of a word that would not be socially acceptable or polite. And yes, even when you catch a lie in action you can still be polite. It might even be your best strategy.

Open up the lie. Examine it with curiosity. Clarify the intent behind the deception. What would cause someone to say such a thing? What is your role in the construction of that whole perception?
Open up the lie.

A lie opens up the door to tell the truth.

Tell the truth. Discover the truth. Uncover the truth.

-- doug smith

Comments

Steps of Success

Remember to celebrate the goals you've already achieved. They are powerful steps toward your next great goal. -- doug smith

Appreciation

Your team members might need more validation than you've been giving them. Many of the artifacts of the past that indicated power and showed success are no longer provided. Flattening the organization has also eliminated promotion opportunities. Career tracks have turned into career plains. How do you build a career and your self-esteem if money is your only measure of success? That might not be the wrong question, but the implied answer is incomplete. We still have other ways of measuring and celebrating success. We can find ways to show our team members that they are making progress. We can show our team members that we recognition their success and we appreciate their work. Elevate their status. Distinguish those who achieve their team goals and show them respect beyond the basic into esteemed associate admiration. People didn't stop caring about these things just because companies stopped providing them. No matter what your organizational culture declares, as a leader you ...

Start With...

Why do people follow you? Where's the magnet? What's the attraction? What's the draw? People look for leaders who are leading causes they believe in. Start with the cause and then look for commitment. If your cause is real, your team will respond. -- doug smith

Communication Flexibility

Have you considered flexibility in communication? I thought about this yesterday when my first impulse as a response to something that someone said to me was to share my own experience, my own advice, my own perspective. But I didn't do that. It would have been easy, but it would have been wrong from an emotional standpoint. The other person hadn't asked for my advice. If she did, I was ready. The advice, the point of view, was all ready to go. But she didn't so I simply listened. Quiet can communicate so much. Staying flexible in the moment, knowing the options and then selecting the most compassionate, caring, useful response greatly improves communication. Conversations can be dances where we don't step on each other's feet. Conversations can be fluid, flexible, light, and still substantive. Flexible. Even when I am absolutely sure that I know the answer... There is always more than one answer. -- doug smith

How Far?

How far will you go? How much will you work? How important is it to you? Your goals will go as far as you will go... -- doug smith

Rival as Coach

Competition can be rough but it can also be educational. If you study your opponent you might learn their secrets. If you can listen to your opposition, they might be sending you valuable signals that could improve your own performance. What if your rival is also your best coach? -- doug smith

What luck?

Some days you feel lucky. Some days you don't. I can still hear Albert King singing "if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all..." As a kid I thought, that's too bad, that really is the blues, but that's how it is... Or is it? The thing about luck is that it doesn't seem to consult you. When we rely on luck, good or bad, we relinquish all control. Why do that? On average, luck just doesn't care, so don't let it determine your destiny. To quote the great voice teacher Dorinda Dercar, "Luck is for people who think the answer is outside themselves..." You're better than that. Your answer is inside you. -- doug smith

Reinvention

How many you's are in you? You'll go thru many iterations on the way to the next you. New habits, new skills, new dreams, new goals. Like it or not, we live in constant change. We might as well take ownership of as much of that change as we can. Re-invent yourself when the old skin no longer suits you. It may be time for a new you. -- doug smith

Tough Choices

Do you remember your toughest leadership decision? Every day we make many choices. Some days, the choices are tough. As leaders, we need to put our teams in the best possible position to succeed. The nuances are subtle. The stakes are high. Sometimes our best chance is our hardest choice. That's why you're there -- a trusted decision maker able to make the tough choices. Some will work well, and some won't. But the tough choices will keep coming. What's a leader to do? Keep learning, and decide with care. -- doug smith

Do It Anyway

Do you ever have to talk yourself into doing what you need to do? We might even need to talk ourselves into doing some things we WANT to do...we just get busy and stuck. Working on your goals can feel like work sometimes. Do it anyway. Do the work. Achieve your goals. -- doug smith

doug smith training

Search This Blog