What Does A Promise Mean?

How do you feel about broken promises?

I hate them. They break my heart. They tear me up. And yet, I've broken lots of promises of my own.

It feels different when someone else breaks a promise. They've made a terrible mistake. And yet when it's me who has broken the promise I can easily find a rationalization or a reason or even put blinders on so that I don't see the broken promise.

Some days we all have blinders on. Some things we can't see because they're too close.

Then, what does a promise mean?

Is it really so transitory? Is it really just the hope of a promise and not really a promise? When we make a promise, how long are we obligated to keep it?

A promise is a promise. To break it requires a new agreement. If both people do not reach that new agreement, a broken promise is an infraction, a harm.

I'm learning oh so well to be very careful about promises. Careful about what I promise, and careful about what I accept from others as a promise. Maybe they mean it, and maybe they don't. From now on, I expect the truth about promises.

I'm not sure about your promise until I understand its premise.

What does it mean to you? When is it breakable? How enduring is it? Not from intentions, but from practice.

It will take practice - working to keep communication channels so clear that there is no doubt as to what we mean when we make a promise, but I am finding it absolutely necessary. I'm one broken promise away from believing there's no such thing as a promise.

And that would be a terrible belief to adapt.

Fortunately, there is something stronger than a promise - broken or otherwise. Luckily, there is something so strong that no one can ever take it away from you. Happily, we can navigate a landscape of shattered promises with that one stronger thing: forgiveness.

Letting go. Letting be. Forgiving.

Once the promise is gone, we can push ourselves down chasing its ghost, or we can forgive.

But that next promise...I'm going to make sure I know what it means.

How about you?

-- Doug Smith

Comments

Be Amazing

Circumstances influence how we act. While we all do have limitations, we can all also exceed and overcome many of those limitations. To be honest, we can all be amazing when we need to be. Whatever is going on, that capacity, that ability awaits. Push that button. Ignite that fire. Step on the gas. We can be amazing when we don't have any other choice. Remove the other choices because they are not for you. Instead: be amazing! -- doug smith

Word Power

If you've ever had a boss say something mean to you, it's likely that you still remember it vividly. You probably won't ever forget it. Leaders do need to provide feedback and much of that feedback may be constructive -- coaching involves helping others improve their skills in order to achieve their goals -- but that constructive feedback can, and should, be delivered in a positive, dignified way. Not mean. Not nasty. Not insulting. Words meant to hurt are better left unsaid. -- doug smith

Courage to Speak

There have been times when I wanted to say something because I thought that it was important and yet didn't say it. I learned that avoiding a difficult conversation usually leads to even more difficulties. Keeping a problem to yourself is not a great strategy. The words won't be perfect. We might sweat when we say them. Disagreement could rise. That's fine. If it is important to you, say it. Sometimes it's less about what you say and more about your willingness to say it. If it takes courage to speak, you should probably speak. -- doug smith

Test True

How often is your truth tested? How often do people check to make sure that everything you've communicated to them is true? When it comes to your team, the answer is every day. High performance leaders can not stand to slip and deceive anyone on the team because it is sure to be caught. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe some time down the road, but it will surely be caught and when it is, the team becomes a bit less effective Every day your truth is tested so you might as well make it true. If you're going to be tested, you might as well test true. -- doug smith

Those Annoying Opportunities

Sometimes people can get on your nerves. Interrupting, ignoring, disagreeing, even laughing at the wrong time can feel like an intended insult. Taking that kind of interaction as an insult, though, will not improve the quality of the interaction. I like to think of the people who drive me crazy as the people who spark more learning. It might not be the lesson they want to teach me that I learn, but there is certainly something there worth learning. If we missed all learning that wasn't fun we'd miss a whole lot of learning. Those annoying learning opportunities are sometimes exactly what we need. -- doug smith ]

Trust the Truth

It's hard to escape it: there are lies everywhere. Behind every lie is a liar, someone who knows that they are deceiving people. The lies might be obvious. They might even rationalize the lies into harmless ways around the truth. There is no way around the truth. The only way to the truth is telling the truth. It's tempting to rationalize our own reactions to lies. After all, they lied first so what's the harm in twisting the truth just a little for a good cause. No. You can't stop a liar from lying, but you don't have to play a liar's game. High performance leaders with integrity tell the truth. -- doug smith

Respect and Kindness

Communicating effectively includes talking about the tough stuff. We might even appear confrontational when we oppose with strength and courage. We can disagree and keep talking. As long as we listen and keep an open mind, we can influence best when we are open to being influenced. Part of that is speaking, and listening, with respect and kindness. Creating, and preserving a sense of dignity. When we cana talk about it with respect and kindness we can talk about anything. Seems like a good place to start. -- doug smith

Why We Need Another Opinion

Do you remember your last wrong decision? It probably felt right at the time. Surely, the logic that you used was precise and strong. But, still it didn't turn out the way that you'd prefer. Leaders benefit from multiple opinions and varied views. We can get so locked into a decision that we forget to truly test it. Are we getting carried away? Have we forgotten about hidden bias? Is it just too emotional a reaction to the situation? The trouble with a gut reaction is that it often eventually makes you sick. Instincts often stink. We need reminders, we need calibrators, we need alternatives. Our own memories are so flawed that they are hardly trustworthy. Test those assumptions, validate those memories, get the help that you need. -- doug smith

Action!

Have you ever had a great thought that somehow escaped you and never found any traction? It's common for me to think I have a great idea (thinking about the thinking!) and then just letting is fade away like some mist on a foggy day. Where's the motion? Where's the action? Philosophy has to move from the head to the hands to do any good. Do you have commitments? Great! What are you doing about them? -- doug smith

Practice Builds Character

Short and to the point: practice builds character. Experiencing imperfection, enduring failure, trying and trying again -- there is no other way to acquire that massive benefit other than practice. Practice your skills. Practice your discipline. Practice your changes. As we practice it sharpens and strengthens us as long as we respond to the results we generate with openness and willingness to change. Not there yet? Don't give up -- practice. Practice builds character and any success worth achieving relies on character to endure. -- doug smith

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