The Magic Unquestion

When I was growing up there was a TV commercial for 7Up that branded the soft drink as the "uncola". It was defined by what it was not.

It was an interesting experiment directed at getting people to change a habit to a new solution based on their old solution. Instead of drinking Coke, drink 7Up.

I never became a 7Up drinker (Mountain Dew was more my style) but I have borrowed the phrase slightly in something that I call the magic unquestion. It's an unquestion because it's not really a question, although it acts like one. And you can substitute it in situations where you might be looking for another question but can't think of one. Here is the magic unquestion:

Tell me more about that.

It's not a question, but it keeps the other person talking. It uncovers more information. It stays nonjudgmental and does the work of a question. It changes my habit from closing the inquiry to keeping it open. Tell me more about that.

When you need to talk about it, listening is a great way to keep the conversation going. When people seem to be at a stop point, there's usually much, much more under the surface. Saying "Tell me more about that" is a useful way to keep the talking alive.

It's magic because it works. It's magic because it's easy. Try it. I think you'll like it, no matter what beverage you prefer.

Tell me more about that.

-- Doug Smith

Front Range Leadership: High Performance Leadership Training

doug smith training: helping people communicate more effectively

What have you learned today?

Comments

Fix The Problem

Fighting a problem does not require us to fight other people. We don't need to agitate when we can collaborate. Fix the problem (which is likely caused by flaws in the process, design, or environment) and the people will be fine. -- doug smith

To Be The Best

You could rely on luck. You could depend on inheritance. Maybe you could fake it until you make it. All of those courses of action are unreliable. As an old friend used to say about buying lottery tickets: "It's for people who think that the answer is outside of themselves." To be the best work harder than the rest. That's the only secret formula you need. -- doug smith

Gain That Personal Input

Do you like it when other people make decisions for you? Me, either -- and neither do the people on your team. That's all the more true about decisions that become, or feel like, rules. Our inner rebel will rise. A rule we didn't make seems much easier to break. If you want your team to keep certain rules, first find out how they feel about those rules. -- doug smith

Build The Right Connections

Build the connections that strengthen your team and release the ones that tether your team to trouble. What we hold tight might not be what we need now. Deliberate connection just might take your full attention. -- doug smith

No Crystal Ball

"My crystal ball is broken and all the snow has dried up..." says my friend Linda whenever someone expects her to read their mind or tell the future. The information is not available. We can spend a lot of time looking for shortcuts. What passes for an insight could be instead a slight. With all the tools and software we have available we still do not have workable crystal balls. My job might be easier if I had a crystal ball, but if I did have a crystal ball then I wouldn't be needed. Worth considering? Let's not fear the future. Let's do the work that's right in front of us while keeping sight of our mission. -- doug smith

Leveraging Shared Problems

As frustrating as it is, some people don't care about your problem until you make it their problem, too. But you don't have to manipulate them into it. Talk about it. Share your concerns. Find the connections and you'll also find their investment. Once they are in, collaboration is far more likely. -- doug smith

To Be Noble...

Goals have the power to change us, to form us, to set us up for success -- or less. But, they should serve more than your own intentions. Great goals also serve others. Make sure that your goals are noble because they will direct your behavior. And, you do want to be considered noble, don't you? -- doug smith

Thriving Teams

Thriving leaders thrive as their teams thrive. It's a partnership. It's a deal. It takes constant support and service to sustain a high performance team. Thriving leaders recruit with the enthusiasm they show for their team. People can tell when your team is cohesive, cooperative, and collaborative and people crave that for themselves. Create and support a team that supports each other and others will rally to the cause. You have no weak links. You have no poor performers. You have no superstars. You do have team members who need your guidance and support. That's the role of a leader. -- doug smith

Broken Trust?

It hurts when a trust has been broken. It might even feel unforgivable. It should be possible for someone who has broken trust to rebuild it -- but it won't be fast, and it won't be easy. When in doubt, for all you are worth, maintain that trust. -- doug smith

What Can't Be Monetized?

This is controversial in a capitalist society (which is a great choice for a society while also being deeply flawed.) You may disagree and that's fine. You may agree, and that's OK, too. It's just a notion, but feels true: What matters most cannot be monetized. Or, if it IS monetized loses its value: love kindness devotion loyalty trust compassion Emotions, feelings, relationships, and core character. We cannot cheapen it by placing a cost. As leaders, we have an obligation to achieve our goals -- yes. And often that means making more money. We also have a (call it sacred) obligation to the higher ground of ethical, moral behavior in our leadership. love kindneess devotion loyalty trust compassion... What else would you add to the list? -- doug smith

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