The Magic Unquestion

When I was growing up there was a TV commercial for 7Up that branded the soft drink as the "uncola". It was defined by what it was not.

It was an interesting experiment directed at getting people to change a habit to a new solution based on their old solution. Instead of drinking Coke, drink 7Up.

I never became a 7Up drinker (Mountain Dew was more my style) but I have borrowed the phrase slightly in something that I call the magic unquestion. It's an unquestion because it's not really a question, although it acts like one. And you can substitute it in situations where you might be looking for another question but can't think of one. Here is the magic unquestion:

Tell me more about that.

It's not a question, but it keeps the other person talking. It uncovers more information. It stays nonjudgmental and does the work of a question. It changes my habit from closing the inquiry to keeping it open. Tell me more about that.

When you need to talk about it, listening is a great way to keep the conversation going. When people seem to be at a stop point, there's usually much, much more under the surface. Saying "Tell me more about that" is a useful way to keep the talking alive.

It's magic because it works. It's magic because it's easy. Try it. I think you'll like it, no matter what beverage you prefer.

Tell me more about that.

-- Doug Smith

Front Range Leadership: High Performance Leadership Training

doug smith training: helping people communicate more effectively

What have you learned today?

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Connection

Where does communication start? Before any meaningful message can be shared, before any agreement can be reached, communication starts with connection. Finding a way to share something in common with someone else. Turning toward someone and taking the chance of seeing, hearing, feeling who they are in this moment of time. Communication starts with connection. Connect, and the possibilities are limitless. -- doug smith

Understanding Comes First

A solution posed too soon might just be another version of the problem. It's tempting to rush thru analysis. Tempting, but costly. Few problems are solved until they are truly understood. -- doug smith

Indisputable?

Everything is open to interpretation. To dispute this is an interpretation. It is, therefore, indisputable. Or is it? Stay curious. Let's see what happens. -- doug smith

Not By The Numbers

As quantifiable as it may be, productivity is in the end, highly subjective. "How can that be?" "We define importance. We define what matters. You can decide how much is enough." "But it's all numbers. It's all measurable..." "Yes, once you've decided what matters. Once you've define the quality you want. None of the productivity matters unless the quality is there." "Well, my boss wouldn't agree with that very much." "How much do you like working for your boss?" "Not very much..." You might disagree. Many people do. But consider this: would you rather have exactly what you want, or a whole bunch of what you don't want? I thought so. -- doug smith

Respect

How do you show someone respect? Without it you will find it hard to hold onto any respect of your own. Without it you may even find it hard to get things done. Those who outrank you are much more help to you when you show them respect. Those who report to you are much more motivated when you show them respect. And, those at your level are far more likely to be cooperative and collaborative when you show them respect. Show respect by: listening, without judging speaking truthfully avoiding gossip allowing for disagreement without anger acknowledging rank and authority There are dozens of ways to show respect. What would you add to the list? -- doug smith

It's Not A Family

You don't have to create a family at work. Families come with their own difficulties and if you've ever worked in a family business you know all about that. People at work don't have to love each other, but they do need to respect each other. Communicating clearly and honestly is a start. Collaborating instead of competing helps. Do your job, jump in to help when you're needed, and keep supporting the team's mission and goals. You don't need to create a family at work to build a great team. What you need is clarity, courage, creativity, and compassion. Great leaders create the atmosphere where those core strengths prosper. -- doug smith

Noble Need

How are you at holding people accountable? Without raising your voice do you make your expectations clear and then guide people toward achieving them? It's not about micromanaging. It's about giving people the balance of choice and criteria for success that they need to attach any task to a noble, appealing mission. The responsibility for resposibility rests with the leader. Holding people accountable is a noble need. -- doug smith

Have You Tested Your Values?

We tend to believe that our values are absolute and true, but to truly know that we need the courage to test them. To withstand resistance and temptation. To try after trying gets hard. Have you tested your values? Have your values been tested? -- doug smith

Learn the Lesson...

Ever have to repeat a lesson because you didn't get it the first time? Of course. Me, too. I figured out that the biggest reason is that I was in such a hurry to get back on track that I got back on the wrong track. Before you know it, same mistake, and basically the same lesson. Slow down enough to learn the lesson and you might not need to repeat it. I'm hoping that works for me. How about you? -- doug smith

Is It Ethical?

The best, most reliable leaders make ethical choices. You may have discovered, though, that people do define ethical in many different ways. For some, if it's right for the it must be ethical, even when it is not right for someone else. We do need a better standard. As leaders we serve best when we do no harm. Any leadership that produces victims is poor leadership headed for long term failure. If you have to ask if something is ethical you probably already know the answer. Just imaging how you would feel if you were not given the choice. -- doug smith

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