doug smith training

Do you get angry? Doesn't everyone? A temper is a terrible thing, because it harms the owner the most. When we are angry, our target may not even know it. But, we sure do and that energy feeds on itself. I do not like being angry. I've had too much practice. Anger has hurt me and it has hurt others I never wanted to hurt. While anger can have its purpose -- defending someone in danger who has been abused or gathering the energy to right a wrong -- most of the time it is energy that could be better spent in repair. Better spent in building rapport. Better spent in building relationship. Anger fools us. Anger taunts us. Anger misdirects us. We might tied to work just to make sure that our anger is not part of the reason for our anger. Because many times, it is. What should we do? I humbly offer this distillation from wise advice of others. Breathe. Pause. Breathe again. Give your brain time to quiet the defensive posture and clearly see what's going on. What's going on? B

I have a friend who likes to mess with her enemies. She enjoys mind-games that create an curiosity about what she is being so nice when her "enemy" has clearly tried to cause her problems.  She'll say the nicest thing, with complete dignity, like the finest most savvy diplomat. I can't do that. Well, maybe I could but I try not to. Not that I'm judging, I just think you can get the same affect by maintaining respect and dignity. Even when the other person is doing their best to be your enemy. Even when they show no dignity of their own. We are each in charge of our own dignity. It takes practice. It takes sincerity. It takes mindfulness. And yet, it's powerful.  Dignity does not require permission. -- doug smith

What NOT to do: wish that you'd done something differently. Learn from it? Yes. Focus on it? Probably not. Clinging to the past will not bring it back. -- doug smith

Do you ever beat yourself up emotionally about something you did or didn't do? Maybe your performance wasn't up to your expectations. Maybe someone else was unhappy with what you did. For me, that's hard to let go, and yet holding onto it is virtually useless. It's better to let it go, so that I can pick up something else and get working. Work hard. Learn. Move on. Do your best and forgive the rest. -- doug smith

Wherever you are, this is a good moment to create a positive direction. This is a good moment to support yourself, to raise yourself, to energize yourself. I offer you three humble affirmations for you to whisper to yourself with confidence: You've made it this far proving that you can make it as far as you make up your mind to go. Your strength has only just begun to emerge. When you respond with courage, people respond to you. -- doug smith

We all know what it feels like to give up. We all know how to muscle through a tough time. When the tough times seem relentless, it's all too easy to give in to despair. I've learned to avoid giving in (well, I'm working on it.) How about you? We always have a choice. What we think does matter. When the choice is hope or despair, I go with hope. Hope is stronger than despair. -- doug smith

Do you talk a lot? Do you remember everything you say? Is it possible that you might have said something that: a) inspired someone b) motivated someone c) bored someone d) insulted someone Possibly. Probably. Sure. Even beyond the point of your remembering what you said. I've said things that I later regretted long after being able to remember what it was that I said. The feeling remains. Someone else retains the message (even if it's not the message that was intended.) Everything you say is remembered by someone. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Does your team know that you care?  How? If you have told them today (and I do mean TODAY) then good -- that's a great start. What if you showed them as well?  How to show your team that you care: support learning provide training conduct one-on-one conversations with each team member every week smile! recognize good performance correct poor performance keep your promises What ways can you think of to show your team that you care? Your team won't know that you care unless you show them. Now is a good time to start! -- doug smith

A great person, who used to be a friend of mine, once wrote a song called "Slow Down and Enjoy The View." It was a wonderful song but at the time, neither one of us really had much to slow down from. We had time, we had music, we had friendship, we smiled all of the time. Then we got busy. Life got busy. Work got busy. Does it ever feel to you like you're just too busy? Even in the middle of a crisis, it can feel like there is too much busyness to take care of business.  The other day I was taking a walk and after several minutes realized that I was hardly experiencing the walk at all because I was thinking so intently about work. I physically stopped in my tracks, took a deep breath, and started walking again. It was time to slow down a moment, see what was around me, and breathe again.  Slow down.  When I worked at GE we had an expression, "sometimes you've got to go slow to go fast," and while that meant something slightly different than simply slowing do

Are you happy? As tough as times can get, are you happy within those times? We don't ask for the times we are given, we are given the choice of how to respond. How are you responding? Are you doing the work that matters, that matters to others as well as to you?  Something that I've learned from working over forty years is that the work that I do always (yes, always) has opportunity for joy. I didn't grow up to be a basketball star, or a rock star, or a movie star. But, I've been blessed to have been given meaningful work that makes a difference for other people. What I've learned is that when my work serves others, it serves me best.  That makes me happy.  What if what makes you happy is what makes other people happy, too?  Do that. -- doug smith

Did you ever need to say something, but didn't.  Maybe it even felt like you couldn't. That's happened to me. The words were in my head. The words made the trip as far as to my mouth, and there they stayed, unspoken. It wasn't diplomacy. It wasn't discretion. What was it? Fear? Anxiety? Doubt? If that has never happened to you, you are lucky in that regard. If that has happened to you, and you know you don't ever want it to happen again, resolve yourself to talk. To say what's on your mind and in your heart. When the moment passes, it may be gone forever. Communication gets harder the less of it you do. Talk about it. -- doug smith

Do you ever ask yourself "what's wrong with that person?" It can be difficult to see why someone else can't just do what we did to succeed -- because they aren't us. Maybe they'll need to do it their way. -- doug smith