Controlling Anger

Do you get angry?

Doesn't everyone? A temper is a terrible thing, because it harms the owner the most. When we are angry, our target may not even know it. But, we sure do and that energy feeds on itself.

I do not like being angry. I've had too much practice. Anger has hurt me and it has hurt others I never wanted to hurt. While anger can have its purpose -- defending someone in danger who has been abused or gathering the energy to right a wrong -- most of the time it is energy that could be better spent in repair. Better spent in building rapport. Better spent in building relationship.

Anger fools us. Anger taunts us. Anger misdirects us.

We might tied to work just to make sure that our anger is not part of the reason for our anger.

Because many times, it is.

What should we do? I humbly offer this distillation from wise advice of others. Breathe. Pause. Breathe again. Give your brain time to quiet the defensive posture and clearly see what's going on. What's going on? Breathe. And then ask, "is what I'm thinking helpful? What if I let it go?"

It's not a miracle. But it works for me at least once a day...

-- doug smith

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Keep your choices open

Have you ever felt like a prisoner to your own emotions? The feelings can be so strong that they flood your being with an almost paralysis. I have found myself wandering away from a situation because my emotions were pushing so hard, even though a better choice would have been to stay, get those emotions under control, breathe, and choose. Once a bad emotion has sent you its warning, it's best to send it on its way. Emotions can drive us, but don't need to. Feel it, pause, and step away. Keep all of your choices open. -- doug smith

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There are so many parts of my past that I would love to fix. Thinking about them doesn't help and won't fix them. The best I can do is to reflect on the lessons learned and do better next time. How about you? If we could fix the last we'd break it in brand new ways. The price of being imperfect is a glorious one: constant learning. That's not so bad after all. -- doug smith

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The most powerful team building tool is talk. Talk with each team member and talk together as a team. Communication is the most powerful skill to practice. -- doug smith

Maybe Start With A Smile...

How do you react when you meet someone new? They're not new to the world, of course, just to you but that's new enough, isn't it? What if they disagree with you? What if you're on different sides of an issue? What if you don't know? People desire respect. When respect is lacking, we know it right away, don't we? And when we withhold our own respect it stands to reason that others know that right away, too. But if we start with respect -- if we start with the idea that every person we meet has value -- it becomes easier to interact meaningfully and maybe even share common ground. When we connect with respect we dramatically increase our chances of communicating effectively. I'll do my best to practice that today -- how about you? -- doug smith

Positive Solutions

Problems need not prevent positive outcomes. It's what we do with them that matters. -- doug smith

Multiple Solutions

That extra tough problem might need multiple solutions -- in fact, its probably does. -- doug smith

Start With What You've Got

Most leaders can think of team members they'd love to have on their team, but don't. New skill sets, balanced personalities, brilliant innovations...anything more than what we have to begin with. But, what we have to begin with is where we need to begin. A team is build from the pieces you have to start with, not the pieces you wish you had. That's good news because: now you are ready to go. -- doug smith

A Leader's Reputation

What leaders get done is their record; how they get things done becomes their reputation. -- doug smith

Get Back Up

Mourn a loss a little while but not so long that you miss the next opportunity. -- doug smith

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