Controlling Anger

Do you get angry?

Doesn't everyone? A temper is a terrible thing, because it harms the owner the most. When we are angry, our target may not even know it. But, we sure do and that energy feeds on itself.

I do not like being angry. I've had too much practice. Anger has hurt me and it has hurt others I never wanted to hurt. While anger can have its purpose -- defending someone in danger who has been abused or gathering the energy to right a wrong -- most of the time it is energy that could be better spent in repair. Better spent in building rapport. Better spent in building relationship.

Anger fools us. Anger taunts us. Anger misdirects us.

We might tied to work just to make sure that our anger is not part of the reason for our anger.

Because many times, it is.

What should we do? I humbly offer this distillation from wise advice of others. Breathe. Pause. Breathe again. Give your brain time to quiet the defensive posture and clearly see what's going on. What's going on? Breathe. And then ask, "is what I'm thinking helpful? What if I let it go?"

It's not a miracle. But it works for me at least once a day...

-- doug smith

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The Goal Sequence

Every goal leads to another goal. If you've achieved your goal, the next goal gives you increased opportunity to grow. If you've missed your goal, the next goal gives you a chance to learn and correct. Nobody achieves all of their goals but every goal gives you something. Get that goal done and see what great goal comes next. -- doug smith

Seriously

If you take your goals seriously they will take you where you need to go. -- doug smith

A Winning Game

It would be nice to win the game. But, do you ever feel like you're in a game that keeps shifting the rules and making it easy to make progress but impossible to win? You've probably noticed lots of game elements creeping into service. Points, incentives, expiring coupons followed by new expiring coupons, leader-boards...on an on a relentless attack on service comes from playing a game designed -- you guessed it -- to maximize profit. If the customer is happy, fine, but the point is to make money. Not to put too fine a point on it but that's a lousy point. What if there could be something better? What if customer service excellence became playing a game where the customer always wins and that makes you happy? You don't have to. "give away the store" to achieve a winning game for all of the players. Just stop stacking the rules against customers and watch how much more they will want to do business with you. -- doug smith

Early Is Great

When is the best time to achieve a goal? Achieving a goal on time, on the deadline, is great. What's even better? Achieving a goal early. It's the surest way to achieve it at all. Early is great, so you're never late. -- doug smith

The Games We Play

Last week I had some fun, with two different classes, in an activity to re-invent games with no losers. The only other condition was that each game also had to be fun. As it turns out, competition is not necessary in order to have fun. The creativity won the day as games developed without any losers. Imagine that. Playing a game without disappointment. Playing a game of cooperation, of collaboration, of mutually beneficial outcomes. It's possible. It's fun. And, there are no side-effects. The games we play form us in ways we may not expect. If we can invent more games, more situations, more relationships where everybody wins imagine what a world that would be. -- doug smith

Better Representation

The best customer service comes from products and services that work flawlessly and do not require heroics from the customer OR the service rep. -- doug smith

Competition?

I often ask my classes "What's the difference between conflict and problem solving?". The leading answer is "competition." Conflict is a problem with opposing solutions. Two opposing goals. Competition. That can still be resolved, but it may need to be managed. Recognizing what you've got is a good start. -- Doug Smith

Go Get It

It might seem that all you need to achieve that goal is a little help. A bit of a boost. Someone to provide feedback and encouragement. You're right. If all you need is a little help to achieve your goal, then definitely go get that help. The person who could help you really does want to help you. -- doug smith

Enthusiastic Support

You can achieve many great goals on your own. Getting help from others will increase your successes. Why would anyone help you? Maybe if they owe you a favor, but much more likely it's when your goal ignites something in them. Lights up their enthusiasm. Makes them more motivated. A poorly written goals is easily ignored. A great goal, one that is clear, gains interest and support. Write a great goal and see what it attracts. Great goals gather enthusiastic support. -- doug smith

Win Some More

Everybody likes to win. Can we win when it's not even a competition? Sure we can. When we can will without requiring that someone else lose, the win is magnified. Celebrated. Treasured. Try saying the words "you win" and see how it changes the outcome so that you win, too. It's not surrender -- it's collaboration. -- doug smith

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