Controlling Anger

Do you get angry?

Doesn't everyone? A temper is a terrible thing, because it harms the owner the most. When we are angry, our target may not even know it. But, we sure do and that energy feeds on itself.

I do not like being angry. I've had too much practice. Anger has hurt me and it has hurt others I never wanted to hurt. While anger can have its purpose -- defending someone in danger who has been abused or gathering the energy to right a wrong -- most of the time it is energy that could be better spent in repair. Better spent in building rapport. Better spent in building relationship.

Anger fools us. Anger taunts us. Anger misdirects us.

We might tied to work just to make sure that our anger is not part of the reason for our anger.

Because many times, it is.

What should we do? I humbly offer this distillation from wise advice of others. Breathe. Pause. Breathe again. Give your brain time to quiet the defensive posture and clearly see what's going on. What's going on? Breathe. And then ask, "is what I'm thinking helpful? What if I let it go?"

It's not a miracle. But it works for me at least once a day...

-- doug smith

Comments

Influence, Not Manipulation

This could be a whole book, but I'll keep it short. Every day is a struggle to influence and to avoid being manipulated. Both struggles impact each other. We need to be open to being influenced. Sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes our perspective shifts, our approach changes, our actions respond. But, manipulation is inconsiderate. Manipulation is disrespectful. Manipulation says "we don't trust you so we're going to make it hard for you to do what we don't want you to do..." Influence all day long. Involve people in that influence. Make your circle larger and watch your potential grow. But as soon as you try to manipulate someone, you've crossed a dangerous line. What do you think? -- doug smith

Get Started

Have you ever gotten resistance to a goal that you really wanted to achieve? Maybe someone told you that you weren't capable. Maybe someone told you that the goal was wrong for you, or unachievable. What do they know? Your goals are important no matter what anyone says. Get started when you're ready. -- doug smith

Get Help Solving That Problem

Do you try to do everything on your own? If you're part of a team, and especially if you are leading a team, it goes better by collaborating. Working together. Helping each other. People like to be connected. What better time to strengthen your connections than when you have a problem? You don't need everyone in the world to help you solve a problem but you probably do need someone. Find out who that is, and get them involved. Besides, it is way more fun that way, too. -- doug smith

Motivation Is Contagious

Like most team behaviors, motivation is contagious. When people look around and see team members energized, charged up, focused, and engaged, it tends to spread. That's not a shortcut, though. Leaders still need to do the work by creating an environment that supports and challenges the team members. Leaders also need to develop relationships with individual team members and help those team members develop cooperative, cohesive relationships with each other. There's no quick fix, but it helps to start doing something that does work. One thing is talking with your people. Lead with questions long before you offer any answers. What motivates your people? Ask them. -- doug smith

Work With The Team You've Got

Maybe you inherited your team. Maybe your team just lost a key player. The game goes on. You've got to keep playing, keep producing, and keep developing your team. Work with the team you've got. When you do, they will astound you. -- doug smith

The Pursuit of Tough Goals

Great goals are tough. We don't remember the easy goals, but the tough goals change us. Set a tough goal and then run with it hard. The pursuit of a tough goal requires relentless dedication. Isn't that what you've been preparing for? -- doug smith

Nothing Cranky

Work your goals but make your goals serve you. No one needs a goal that makes them cranky. -- doug smith

Love That Job

Do your team members love their jobs? Do you? There is nothing quite like loving a job you're doing. Focused, alive, attentive, building something important, serving people gladly...what could be better? We all need to work, why not love the work we do? As a leader, you are the main reason (yes I said the MAIN reason) your team members either love their jobs or they don't. It's all in the climate you create, the environment of both support and challenge balanced with precision and love. A leader who helps someone love their job is giving the world a wonderful treasure. What can you do today to show your team members the potential to make this the best team ever, with the best jobs ever? Here's one idea: appreciate. Thank someone, recognize some, share with someone how you value what they do and who they are. They'll like that, you'll like that...everybody wins. -- doug smith

No Let Down

I remember getting a big let-down after a show would close, or a project would end, or a movie would wrap...anything really important that I'd been working on. All that work. All that focus. All that energy. And, then suddenly it's done. But that was then. That was too much focus on the outcome and not enough on the process. Because the end comes and goes, but the process can continue. The process of creating, of learning, of growing. The best part of achieving your goals is enjoying the journey, and then you avoid any big left-down at the end. The journey, the process -- that's the joy. -- doug smith

The Seat of the Situation

Problems are complicated. We need to think clearly about them, to analyze their causes. We also need to act quickly because, oddly or not, some solutions expire. Sit, or move? Think, or act? This isn't a universal assertion, but maybe one with value: the situation isn't entirely the problem, and the problem isn't entirely the situation. As closely as cause and effect may nest, there are likely other causes, other effects worth considering. It's a bit like widening the circle in a jam session. Yes, the new instruments complicate things, and yes, sometimes the notes are discordant, but oh! the miracle of the unexpected harmonies can make the how piece better. That's the situation. What if it existed before the problem, and needs to exist beyond the problem? We can sit with a problem without making that problem the entire situation. What do you think? -- doug smith ps: The drawing is only partially related. It't a situation. It's a problem. I drew this danci...

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