Learn Constantly No Matter How Annoying It Is

Some things that annoy us the most grow us the most.

I never asked for some of my biggest lessons. I probably didn't ask for any of them. They hurt. They bruised. They provoked anxiety. They made me sweat. But I learned.

I learned that people need lots of attention. That sending an email isn't enough. That a handshake (and even a kiss) doesn't mean that a deal won't ever be broken. That broken promises (especially when a kiss IS involved) are the hardest lessons to take.

We go on. We strive forward. We learn. We forgive.

I am annoyed by big lessons. My ex-wife once gave me a little present that was a miniature traffic cone with the words "Oh no, not another learning opportunity!" on it. That about sums it up: not right now please, I'd rather not get that lesson.

We don't always get to pick the timing, but we do get to decide whether or not we learn from those things that annoy us. Things like the team member who isn't finishing the important task, or the boss who has no patience for doing things right (Aren't you done yet???), or the financial transaction that went in the wrong direction. We can have the experience and learn, or we can just endure the experience (and then probably experience it again later because we haven't, you know, learned.)

Guess we might as well learn...

What have you learned today?

-- Doug Smith

Comments

Solution Resistance

Why would anyone resist solving a problem? As frustrating as that feels, there must be a reason. Even when it is counter-productive. Even when it makes no sense at all -- people will stay stuck in their problems and avoid anything that resembles a solution. Maybe they're sure it will work out on its own (it won't). Or, maybe in a tough case they unknowingly are addicted to their pain, that cycle of bringing up what hurts even though it hurts and eventually even because it hurts. It's familiar. The chemicals do their dance of doom and the darkness feels almost comforting. I'm familiar with that pattern, that rut, that doom. It wasn't judgment that pulled me out. It wasn't force. It wasn't even an intervention. It was slow, steady, patient, loving conversations. Talk about it. Listen. Empathize. Some people won't want you to solve a problem. It's worth finding out why. Just imagine the possibilities! -- doug smith P.S. I'm not a therapist (altho...

Co-discovery

How are you at discovering things with other people? As much as I do enjoy working alone, exploring, doing lots of discovery, I also find that it is absolutely amazing to be able to co-discover with other people. New things emerge. Synthesis arises. Jam sessions abound. When we work together we discover worlds beyond our lonely grasp. We discover what's right. -- doug smith

Be Fair

If you are a parent, or remember when you were a child, you've heard this many times: "It's not fair!" Probably spoken with a massive degree of indignation. There is something absolutely offensive about encountering unfairness. Injustice. If it is not fair it is not right. You know how it feels and you know it shouldn't be that way. That's one of the things that makes leadership so important. Making fair choices. Treating people with respect. Moving toward your goals without taking advantage of other people. It takes character and strength and resolve. Life may not be far, but as a leader you can be. Let's be fair. -- doug smith

Feedback is Fuel

Have you ever avoided feedback? Do you know anyone who avoids feedback? Even when we know we benefit from feedback, we'll do our best to avoid that feedback if it hurts. Unkind critical feedback stings so much that we pull away. As leaders, we can fix that. Take the sting out. Make feedback feel useful and kind. Not by coddling or being polly-annish. Not by being toxically positive. By being accurate, unemotional, and kind. By listening first and sharing feedback second. Lower the temperature, raise the compassion, increase the frequency, and develop a team with a culture of sharing observations and eventually people will embrace the feedback instead of avoiding it. Feedback is fuel for growth. Feedback is best built with trust. -- doug smith

How To Lead

I don't have all the answers. This isn't an absolute, reductionist formula, but it couldn't hurt. It feels like a good way to lead. Ready? Lead with the eagerness of a child and the wisdom of an elder. That's it. I thought about substituting "patience" for "wisdom". Either one (or both) will do. Stay curious. Stay patient. Lead with kindness. What do you think? -- doug smith

Up To You

Your goals are up to you. If you've got a pulse, if you're breathing, your goals are up to you. Other people may assign you tasks, projects, and even goals but let's face it, it is completely up to you. Isn't that the way you want it? -- doug smith

Practical

Build things that people need and you'll always be needed. Just remember, you may have to change how you build those things. People's needs change and those needs are often more complicated than they seem. There is also a power difference between "classic" and "obsolete." As hard as it is, leaders need to navigate that difference. Build things that people need -- practical goods. And keep improving how you do it. -- doug smith

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