Start With Yourself

Do you know a difficult person? Of course you do. We all do. Some people just make life harder than it needs to be. It's that person who misses the deadline, every time. It's the person who won't return your messages. It's the person who rolls their eyes when you speak in a meeting. You know one or more of them, I'm sure.

We can't fix them. Even high performance leaders can't fix difficult people because people are not processes or machines. We make funny noises. We stutter and moan. We grunt at customers when we should be patient and kind. But that's not how it needs to be.

We can make a difference. As leaders, we don't need to surrender to a bad day or even a bad moment. We're here to serve. Even difficult behaviors can spark better behavior of our own - habits we develop to better serve each other and so to also serve ourselves.

By taking care of ourselves. By taking those deep breaths when we need them. By developing a sense of perspective that tells us there is always something bigger and that this current situation is likely much smaller than it feels. We'll get thru this, we'll help that difficult person feel better about themselves and then about us, too. Maybe. Instead of taking difficult behavior personally, we can personally see that we do our best.

To make difficult people less difficult, start with yourself. That is something you can control.

-- doug smith

I help people develop leadership with clarity, courage, creativity, and compassion. You can schedule an appointment to talk about how we might work together here.

Comments

Better Feedback

The trouble with feedback is that we don't want it, or if we do we don't know how to give it, and don't know when to start or stop it. Ah, but what if we did? What if we could build a high-feedback culture where people were open to feedback and knew how to put it to immediate use? We can. It takes practice. It takes experience. It takes caring about how we do feedback and who we share it with. Here's one thing you can change immediately that will dramatically improve the feedback frequency on your team: ask for advice more often...and then really listen. Don't even call it feedback. Ask for advice and not only will everyone have some, once you show that you're open to it, they'll ask for advice in return. What's your best tip on giving and receiving feedback? -- doug smith

Right In Front of You

It isn't possible or necessary to solve every problem. Focus on the problem in front of you. Solving that first problem builds momentum and experience for solving the next problem. You'll never solve them all, but imagine how much better things will be after you've solved the ones right in front of you. -- doug smith

Avoid the Trap

It's easy to fall into it. A juicy bit of information about someone you know hits the air. Do you comment? Do you defend? Do you ignore the situation? Gossip is a trap that tricks our tongues into poisoning ourselves. Honor the absent, don't talk about them. If you wouldn't say it TO them, keep it to yourself. Gossip is a trap; don't fall in. -- doug smith

Success Is Learned

Success is learned, as well as achieved. We learn by striving, studying, practicing, planning, performing -- all the many ways to learn in order to approve. Each successful goal achieved teaches us more about success. What works best for us, what gets other people involved, what we'd best plan and what we need to improvise. Turn by turn, goal by goal, we learn how to do better. What have you learned today about achieving your goals? -- doug smith

Reasonable

Leaders love stretch goals. It does make sense to help our team members grow, through ambitious projects and next-level assignments. But if you've ever had a leader take that too far you know it doesn't motivate anyone to frustrate them. It's not empowering to crush under an impossible task. Set reasonable expectations or face disappointment. Whether it's with someone else, or even yourself. Isn't an outrageous promise a kind of lie? Let's do what we can do, and be careful about promising the unreasonable. -- doug smith

Consensus on Change

Which is harder to accomplish, change, or consensus on the change? With most people agreeing and supporting a change, the change would certainly be easier. But is it really easier to achieve that consensus? Isn't it faster to just impose the change whether people like it or not? No. Consensus for change is tougher to achieve than change. If you take the time and make the effort to achieve that consensus, the chances are that you are making a better, more resilient change. There's no need to manipulate people who see the value of the change. -- d oug smith

When The Robots Take Over

We've been fascinated by the possibility for decades of robots running the world. It starts simply enough, assembling products, calculating odds, writing emails, correcting grammatical errors...hundreds of tasks. And then, as we've seen in so many movies, it goes too far and we lose control. We go from being the masters to being the puppets. That's no fun. And, it's not a certainty, either. Why ever surrender our free will? As hard as that is to believe, many people seem to be fine with that. Convenience could be worth any price to some people, but not to those who have thought it through. We need our human touch. We need our critical thinking. We need our spiritual connections. We need each other. When the robots take over you're going to need all those people you thought you didn't need. Lay-offs are surrender. Use any tool you want as much as you want -- there's nothing inherently evil about AI. But keep those human connections. They are what makes it ...

What's Possible

Problems that seem unsolvable at the micro-level may be manageable at their macro-level. Check your perspective. Gauge your distance. Focus on what is possible. Ask the questions you'd ask about any mystery. What's going on? How did we get here? Where do we want to go? What other questions do you ask in order to move from impossible to possible? -- doug smith

Show Me The Data

Some leaders like to say that they rely on their gut instincts. "I'll just know when it's right," they'll say. Experience can tell us that we know what we're doing because of how we feel. How we feel, though, might not be our best guide. If gut instincts are right, they are right about remembering a similar circumstance and what you decided. It's worth asking "is this circumstance really the same?" and "how sure am I about this?" and most importantly, "am I really listening to intuition or is it something else -- like a hidden bias?" One company I've worked with had a phrase to rely on: "show me the data." What do the facts say? What are we missing? Is the information we are relying on reliable? Does it say what we think it says? Unless you are deciding what to eat, you probably should not rely on your gut. Find the facts. Test your instincts. Interrogate your assumptions. If it's important why not be sure? -...

Decisions and Solutions

The decisions you make during problem solving are as important as the solutions you develop, even if they do not lead to solutions. Decisions around relationships, around results, around permanence and transition. Do you want everyone to be better off because of the resolution of the problem, or do you just want a quick fix? Do you value how people respond to your efforts? Do you really know more about the impact and urgency of the situation than the people who will be most affected by your solutions? Decide carefully. You know that, and I know that, but sometimes we do forget, don't we? -- doug smith

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