Find the Connection

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Have you ever been at a loss for words?

Doesn't it always happen at an inconvenient time? I'm sure it doesn't happen to every one but for some of us, under pressure, forced to say something, we can't say anything at all. It's like an animal that freezes at the sign of danger -- maybe if we sit very still the awkwardness will go away.

It won't go away on its own. But, you know what does help? Connection.

I discovered that the awkward feeling gives me a choice -- I can detach completely (or try to) which leads to even more tension, or I can see that feeling as a kind of connection. Someone cares enough to want a response. That is no small thing. That is, in fact, a wonderful thing. We're connected!

Once I see the connection, communicating becomes much easier because it is suddenly less threatening.

Try it. I think you'll like it. The next time (and thereafter) when you feel that awkward silence controlling you because of uncertainty or nervousness just breathe and relax and remember it's good -- it's connection.

Find the connection and the words will follow.

And, even if they aren't the best words, they are usually better than silence.

-- doug smith

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Connections

It's in our differences that connections are made. -- doug smith

Sizing Our Influence

Our influence is usually smaller than we want it to be but greater than we realize. That's a good thing because humility helps our influence grow. -- doug smith

Portable

Leadership, no matter how much it is intended to be permanent, is temporary. A day comes when the direction changes, the dance shifts, and the once stable boss is lost. Lost in direction, lost in relevance, lost in the times. What if we kept our leadership portable? Leadership could be fluid, flexible, and responsive as it remains centered. As circumstances change, our leadership must flow with it while finding the strength of a foundation without the chains of stagnation. That's not easy but it's part of the art of leadership. Partly science, partly art, leadership requires us to know when it's time to stand and know when it's time to flow, and yes even know when it's time to go. Portable is more powerful than authority if authority is not portable. We don't need to ask for change in order for change to change us. -- doug smith

Some of What It Takes

Leadership is hard. Challenges peck away at us, demanding response. I don't have all of the answers (who does?) but this might help a little. A little advice to myself that I am happy to share. It takes clarity to know where you are going, creativity to inspire new ways to get there, compassion to help those who are in you way, and courage to stay the course even in the face of opposition. Which of those strengths do you excel in the most? What's your secret to leadership success? -- doug smith

Acceptance vs. Endorsement

Accepting a truth does not mean endorsing it. Sometimes it really is what it is. Until you change it. -- doug smith

Shake It Up

Inspiration has its own time table, but sometimes we have to shake up the clock. Maybe instead of waiting for inspiration we should meet it halfway. How else will it ever find you? -- doug smith

On Sarcasm

Many people sense a natural gift for sarcasm. A funny remark at someone else's expense might make you laugh, but what about the person the humors is directed toward. To say afterwards "it's just a joke" misses the obvious -- there is an element of truth inside that joke or at least an element of intention. I know that I am overly sensitive about sarcasm and I know that many people find it funny. If it bothers me, though, I expect that it bothers other people, too. Even when we get the joke, we do not think it funny. It's worth asking yourself before that joke emerges floating on mean spirits with the wit whether or not sarcasm is your best choice. And when someone uses sarcasm on you, it's worth being bold enough to ask them. "Is sarcasm your best choice right now?" Because they can do better. We can all do better. But, sarcasm does not help. -- doug smith

Disappointment

How do you handle disappointment? Things don't always go the way we want them to. Maybe that date didn't turn out like you planned. Maybe the team missed a deadline on that important project. Or, maybe you said something you later regretted. There was a time when I would get stuck in my disappointment. It would turn into a binding, cringing loop of doom, waiting to repeat again and again. Not fun. Perspective helps. In the big scheme of things, how important will this be a year from now? Five years from now? Some disappointments could last that long, but seriously, most do not. Feel it, let it go, get over it. Disappointment simply proves that we can always make things better. And to make things better, let's move forward. -- doug smith

Right Now

Here we are. Whatever is in front of us. Whatever challenge we ponder. Now is the time. Every moment makes a difference, especially this one. -- doug smith

When You're Stuck

"What are we going to do?" "How do we fix this?" "What ideas do you have?" "I'm stuck!" We all get stuck. I've had times when I was sure that every idea in my head was wrong, wrong, wrong and useless. A bad idea is not useless, it's a start. It's a place to begin. Start with your bad ideas and watch how quickly they improve. Maybe your idea just needs to grow. -- doug smith

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