Too Much Drama?

Do you have too much drama at work?

Whenever I ask a class this during one of my Managing Conflict programs the answer is almost always "Yes!" (sometimes, it looks like this: YESSSS!!!!)

Drama. It's all around us. Conflicts that are hard to resolve. Personality differences. Political incongruities. Societal hypocrisies. Fractured relationships and sore self-esteem. Drama.

We like drama. It ignites us. It gets the heart beating faster. But do we really need it when our team just needs to finish a project? Do we really want it when what we should do instead is communicate more effectively, lead with influence instead of power, and reach mutually beneficial outcomes in change?

Of course.

Drama makes us feel so alive that even when it isn't necessary we tend to invent it.

Given a choice, why invent the unnecessary?

-- doug smith

Notes:

Here’s the process we cover in our program on Managing Conflict:

1. Uncover the causes.

2. Defuse the drama

3. Identify your choices

4. Find common ground.

It draws from the wisdom expressed in the Thomas-Kilmann model of conflict resolution and from the techniques taught in the book "Getting To Yes" by Ury and Fisher.

image: doug smith, from "Managing Conflict"

If you'd like to schedule a virtual Managing Conflict class for your team, please contact me.

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The Games We Play

Last week I had some fun, with two different classes, in an activity to re-invent games with no losers. The only other condition was that each game also had to be fun. As it turns out, competition is not necessary in order to have fun. The creativity won the day as games developed without any losers. Imagine that. Playing a game without disappointment. Playing a game of cooperation, of collaboration, of mutually beneficial outcomes. It's possible. It's fun. And, there are no side-effects. The games we play form us in ways we may not expect. If we can invent more games, more situations, more relationships where everybody wins imagine what a world that would be. -- doug smith

Seriously

If you take your goals seriously they will take you where you need to go. -- doug smith

Personal Reminder

If you think about something that needs to be done but don't do it now, when will you do it? Now would be good. Now is the time. -- doug smith

Of Course...

Are you on course to achieve your biggest goals? Is your plan in motion and working? Of course! Will you need to make some adjustments along the way? Of course! If your goal really matters -- to you with some intensity, you will do what you need to do in order to achieve that goal. If it doesn't really matter, there's almost nothing to be done. You need the joy. You need the spark. You need the course of action that lights you up so much that it lights up your path to success. The reason for your goal is as important as your goal. Why does your goal matter? Why now? Why you? Does that level of focus really make a difference? Of course! -- doug smith

Early Is Great

When is the best time to achieve a goal? Achieving a goal on time, on the deadline, is great. What's even better? Achieving a goal early. It's the surest way to achieve it at all. Early is great, so you're never late. -- doug smith

Competition?

I often ask my classes "What's the difference between conflict and problem solving?". The leading answer is "competition." Conflict is a problem with opposing solutions. Two opposing goals. Competition. That can still be resolved, but it may need to be managed. Recognizing what you've got is a good start. -- Doug Smith

Up to You

Other people can help, but achieving your goals is up to you. -- doug smith

A Touch of the Poet

Highly structured? Wildly improvised? Harmonic, or distorted? Fast or slow? Analytics help, but there's nothing quite like a touch of the poet in solving problems. The deep pondering, the pedantic piecing together, the frantic splash of passion. Whether or not they know it every problem solver has a touch of the poet. Are you in touch with your touch of the poet? -- doug smith

A Daily Goal

Some people take a vitamin every day. Some people read a passage from a favorite book every day. Positive daily habits support a successful life. Set a goal at least once a day and then achieve that goal. It builds the kind of momentum that leads to wonderful things. And you do want wonderful things, right? -- doug smith

Save that thought...

Whenever I ask a class "have you ever said anything that you regret saying?" the answer is always 100% yes. A mumble easily becomes a stumble when it's tainted with trauma, distrust, anger, or sorrow. There are things we could say that don't help in any way. It's better to keep those things to o oneself. I had a boss once who wisely told me "Doug, when you're upset, pause and count to ten." "And what if I stay upset?" "Then count to a hundred." She might as well have said count to a thousand, because I knew exactly what she meant. Some things do not need to be said. We've all got better words inside us willing to take that mistake away. -- doug smith

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