Too Much Drama?

Do you have too much drama at work?

Whenever I ask a class this during one of my Managing Conflict programs the answer is almost always "Yes!" (sometimes, it looks like this: YESSSS!!!!)

Drama. It's all around us. Conflicts that are hard to resolve. Personality differences. Political incongruities. Societal hypocrisies. Fractured relationships and sore self-esteem. Drama.

We like drama. It ignites us. It gets the heart beating faster. But do we really need it when our team just needs to finish a project? Do we really want it when what we should do instead is communicate more effectively, lead with influence instead of power, and reach mutually beneficial outcomes in change?

Of course.

Drama makes us feel so alive that even when it isn't necessary we tend to invent it.

Given a choice, why invent the unnecessary?

-- doug smith

Notes:

Here’s the process we cover in our program on Managing Conflict:

1. Uncover the causes.

2. Defuse the drama

3. Identify your choices

4. Find common ground.

It draws from the wisdom expressed in the Thomas-Kilmann model of conflict resolution and from the techniques taught in the book "Getting To Yes" by Ury and Fisher.

image: doug smith, from "Managing Conflict"

If you'd like to schedule a virtual Managing Conflict class for your team, please contact me.

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Connections

It's in our differences that connections are made. -- doug smith

Portable

Leadership, no matter how much it is intended to be permanent, is temporary. A day comes when the direction changes, the dance shifts, and the once stable boss is lost. Lost in direction, lost in relevance, lost in the times. What if we kept our leadership portable? Leadership could be fluid, flexible, and responsive as it remains centered. As circumstances change, our leadership must flow with it while finding the strength of a foundation without the chains of stagnation. That's not easy but it's part of the art of leadership. Partly science, partly art, leadership requires us to know when it's time to stand and know when it's time to flow, and yes even know when it's time to go. Portable is more powerful than authority if authority is not portable. We don't need to ask for change in order for change to change us. -- doug smith

Some of What It Takes

Leadership is hard. Challenges peck away at us, demanding response. I don't have all of the answers (who does?) but this might help a little. A little advice to myself that I am happy to share. It takes clarity to know where you are going, creativity to inspire new ways to get there, compassion to help those who are in you way, and courage to stay the course even in the face of opposition. Which of those strengths do you excel in the most? What's your secret to leadership success? -- doug smith

On Sarcasm

Many people sense a natural gift for sarcasm. A funny remark at someone else's expense might make you laugh, but what about the person the humors is directed toward. To say afterwards "it's just a joke" misses the obvious -- there is an element of truth inside that joke or at least an element of intention. I know that I am overly sensitive about sarcasm and I know that many people find it funny. If it bothers me, though, I expect that it bothers other people, too. Even when we get the joke, we do not think it funny. It's worth asking yourself before that joke emerges floating on mean spirits with the wit whether or not sarcasm is your best choice. And when someone uses sarcasm on you, it's worth being bold enough to ask them. "Is sarcasm your best choice right now?" Because they can do better. We can all do better. But, sarcasm does not help. -- doug smith

Shake It Up

Inspiration has its own time table, but sometimes we have to shake up the clock. Maybe instead of waiting for inspiration we should meet it halfway. How else will it ever find you? -- doug smith

Play Your Music

What does your ideal music sound like? Not your taste in music, not even what you usually listen to, but rather the music that you make. Maybe it's with your voice, or an instrument, or maybe the music you make is with your hands in the form of care, or maintenance, or healing. There is music in that. We all have music inside. A tempo, a beat, a pace, a tone. Can you hear your music? Does your effort lead to a flow where you can lose yourself in the art of what you do? Leaders can find that flow. Each leader has music inside. Maybe the key is to find the harmony. Who else hears the music, and how beautiful can it become? Play your music. Keep practicing. Let it flow. -- doug smith

Right Now

Here we are. Whatever is in front of us. Whatever challenge we ponder. Now is the time. Every moment makes a difference, especially this one. -- doug smith

Disappointment

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When You're Stuck

"What are we going to do?" "How do we fix this?" "What ideas do you have?" "I'm stuck!" We all get stuck. I've had times when I was sure that every idea in my head was wrong, wrong, wrong and useless. A bad idea is not useless, it's a start. It's a place to begin. Start with your bad ideas and watch how quickly they improve. Maybe your idea just needs to grow. -- doug smith

Volume

Volume without quality is noise. More is not always better. Quality always matters. What do you think? -- doug smith

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