doug smith training

  Where does communication start? Before any meaningful message can be shared, before any agreement can be reached, communication starts with connection. Finding a way to share something in common with someone else. Turning toward someone and taking the chance of seeing, hearing, feeling who they are in this moment of time. Communication starts with connection. Connect, and the possibilities are limitless. -- doug smith

  Have you ever said something and you knew that it was wrong as soon as you said it? What happened next? Sometimes we find ourselves defending our position even after we realize that our position is flawed or even downright incorrect. Why do we do that? We have the freedom when we are communicating to change our minds. We have the freedom to re-state what we said, to reframe it in a way that makes more sense, to come to terms with a better truth. We don't have to defend something just because we said it. Maybe we shouldn't have said it to begin with! -- doug smith

We talk at the surface level (when we do talk!) most of the time. The good stuff, the material and the feelings and the knowledge that can help us the most is deeper. Baring our souls. Opening our hearts. Exercising our minds. Why don't we do more of that? As leaders, we should be experts at facilitating deeper conversations. We should create the space for people to feel safe, open, and free to say what they think and feel. We may not agree with them, and given enough time to think and feel openly, they might not even feel that way, either. When we take the time to express, listen, and process, then can get to a deeper place surrounded by better results. Taking a conversation deeper may feel risky but that's where the gold is. Deeper! -- doug smith

Communicating effectively includes talking about the tough stuff. We might even appear confrontational when we oppose with strength and courage. We can disagree and keep talking. As long as we listen and keep an open mind, we can influence best when we are open to being influenced. Part of that is speaking, and listening, with respect and kindness. Creating, and preserving a sense of dignity.  When we cana talk about it with respect and kindness we can talk about anything. Seems like a good place to start. -- doug smith  

Have you considered flexibility in communication? I thought about this yesterday when my first impulse as a response to something that someone said to me was to share my own experience, my own advice, my own perspective. But I didn't do that. It would have been easy, but it would have been wrong from an emotional standpoint. The other person hadn't asked for my advice.  If she did, I was ready. The advice, the point of view, was all ready to go. But she didn't so I simply listened. Quiet can communicate so much. Staying flexible in the moment, knowing the options and then selecting the most compassionate, caring, useful response greatly improves communication. Conversations can be dances where we don't step on each other's feet. Conversations can be fluid, flexible, light, and still substantive. Flexible. Even when I am absolutely sure that I know the answer... There is always more than one answer. -- doug smith

Every argument contains at least one misunderstanding. Why? So often we are in such a hurry to express ourselves that we don't pay attention to what someone else is saying. Or, we confuse style with content. When we find someone's personality abrasive it's easy to disregard anything they have to offer. Right, or wrong. I learned the hard way that none of us ever has the complete picture. Even when our opinion is correct, it is incomplete. Until we see a more complete picture (we may never know all of the details) we would do well to stay curious.  Every argument starts with misunderstandings, and usually stays there. What if we dug deeper? What if we did stay curious? What if we're wrong - how will we know unless we listen? -- doug smith

Here's a challenge for you. I'm not concerned about a wrong answer or a right answer. I'm curious about your answer. Here goes: To argue is to lose your audience. What do you think? We've all done this at one time or another, been so certain that our position is right that not only is the other person's position wrong, but THEY'RE wrong, too. Oh, so wrong. That turns a position into an opinion and into an emotion.  What do you think? If we enter emotional ground, does our think fog beyond reason? To argue is to lose your audience. Or is it? -- doug smith  

Do you talk a lot? Do you remember everything you say? Is it possible that you might have said something that: a) inspired someone b) motivated someone c) bored someone d) insulted someone Possibly. Probably. Sure. Even beyond the point of your remembering what you said. I've said things that I later regretted long after being able to remember what it was that I said. The feeling remains. Someone else retains the message (even if it's not the message that was intended.) Everything you say is remembered by someone. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Is there something on your mind that you are not talking about? Do you need a conversation with someone but keep avoiding it? It's tough, isn't it? The conversations that feel like the toughest only get tougher the longer they are delayed. Talk about it. Talk about it now. -- doug smith

There's a lot of arguing going on. Does it seem to you like it's getting worse each day? People are losing friends, people are ignoring each other, people are letting logic slip out of their heads while the emotional train takes over. It doesn't have to be that way. You have some control of whether or not (and how) you argue. The next time you are about to argue, try keeping this in mind: the impulse to argue is a signal to stay curious instead. Maybe you'll learn something. Maybe you'll teach something. There's plenty of room to interact respectfully. -- doug smith

True story: when I was much younger I was known to tell a tale or two. They were usually rooted in reality, but I'd embellish the truth to make it more interesting. Like that story I'd tell about my trip to McSorley's in New York when I ran into John Lennon. We had a nice conversation. Except, he wasn't there. I thought of him, and he lived in New York at the time, but seriously was much more likely to be on the other side of town. Go figure. How many times did I tell that tale? Maybe once or twice. Once to my best friend at the time. Did she believe me? Not if she knew me well enough... How about you? Do your fish stories end up with bigger fish than you actually caught? Do you augment reality with some great tales? I got a great gift last December from one of my good friends and fraternity brother, David Spiegel. It's a coffee mug with the saying "Keep telling the stories" written on it. I love it. I don't think that he meant "tell tales."

I do recommend reading the book. It will help you handle conversations that feel like confrontations and to do it in ways that honor everyone in the conversation. In the meantime, watching this quick summary video from The Productivity Game will give you immediately useful tips on navigating those crucial conversations.

Leaders, of any team, have limited vision. We can only see so much. What we see is also filtered thru our own beliefs and perceptions. A healthy self-image may add a positive spin to an otherwise cautious moment. An unhealthy self-image might make an otherwise positive experience incomplete. We need help seeing it all. High performance leaders seek, receive, and utilize feedback. That means asking your team how you are doing. It includes talking (frequently) with your boss about your goals and how you are doing on your plan. Getting opinions from your customers also helps balance out your viewpoint. To truly know what's going on, leaders need to ask. Are you asking? Are you getting the feedback you need from every direction that you need it? Today is a good day to ask someone who works with you, what's working great. And then, ask what you can do better. Because we can always do something better. -- doug smith Leadership Call to Action: Ask someone on your team to

Feedback can be hard to take but far worse to ignore. Take the feedback. What you do with it is your business, but take it. Hear it. Stay curious. Move ahead. -- doug smith

When: Tuesday, Oct. 23, 2018 at 12:00 Noon ET $30 / 30 Minutes It's on every list of key leadership skills. It's on the minds of every recruiter, manager, executive, and team member: communication. How to Communicate More Effectively is 30 fast moving minutes for you to explore key levers that will immediately improve your communicate skills. We'll explore and practice five key communication skills that, once practiced, will give you: Deeper conversations More productive meetings More powerful presentations Better relationships Join with me in exploring the CLUES to Success model for developing and sharing more communication effectiveness. You'll get a downloadable learner's guide plus 30 minutes of instantly usable skill building. Preview and download the Learner's Guide here. (This event has already occurred. Please watch for additional available times, or schedule your own teleclass appointment here .)

Sometimes people get better on their own, and sometimes they do not. High performance leaders don't take the chance that people will get better on their own. The key starts with feedback. When people know exactly what they did, it's possible to do it better the next time. Are your people meeting their metrics? Are they delighting customers? Are they inspiring you? Share your observations. What did you see, hear, smell, feel? What was useful about what happened? How could it be even better. We all benefit from feedback. Successful supervisors make sure it happens. -- doug smith

This brief video poses the theory that in order to build an effective team it is important that the people on the team get along. Interpersonal dynamics are important. While this may seem obvious to anyone who has worked with many teams, it is still important. How well do the people on your team get along? What are the interpersonal behaviors that your teams needs and wants? Why not explore that idea at your next team meeting? It's cheaper than a retreat, requires no trust falls or zip lines, and might just be the best thing you do for your team this month. -- doug smith Leadership Call to Action: Gather your team. Plan a substantial portion of your meeting (or maybe nearly all of a meeting) to asking your team members the following questions. Make sure that someone is capturing the answers on a group memory (white board or flip chart or similar display.) What interpersonal behaviors do you find most helpful when working with others? What habits or behaviors ar

The more agreements we create (and honor) the deeper our conversations (and relationships) become. -- doug smith

Listening seems easy until you try it without judging. We're trained to judge from an early age. We judge nearly everything. We like it, we don't like it, we have our reasons our logic our standards and so we judge. Like a celebrity judge on a talent show we judge with confidence and assurance that of course we are right and entitled to judge. Completely. And yet -- what is the point? Do you know anyone who wants your judgement? Do YOU desire anyone else's judgment? Go ahead and judge if you want to, if you must. Here's what I know: if you truly want to listen, listen without judging. Listen with curiosity, as if you don't know the answer already. Because maybe, just maybe, you don't. And, by listening without judgment, you might actually hear. -- doug smith

When I was much younger I was so shy that I often would not say what was on my mind. Who am I kidding? I hardly EVER said what was on my mind. I later learned that a) no one could read my mind, and b) I didn't get what I wanted that way. Since then I've been working on speaking assertively. Making the request. Stating the view. Clarifying my perspective. It's a work in progress. We're all a work in progress. Here's how I plan to make more progress: talk about it. There's no point in waiting to say what you mean -- you may not get the chance again. Say what you mean as truly as you can, with kindness. What do you think? -- doug smith