doug smith training

Do you avoid tough conversations? If we know that we need to talk something over, but avoid it because it makes us uneasy, the difficulty remains unresolved. If we avoid talking with someone because THEY are difficult to talk with (maybe they sulk, or yell, or roll their eyes...) the problem remains stuck AND it remains ours. That's not what leaders want. Taking the time to learn how to better communicate in those tough situations helps leaders to reach their team members, assert their needs with their bosses, and collaborate more successfully with their peers. It's a win for everyone when communication prospers with clarity, courage, creativity, and compassion. It's not easy. That's what differentiates high performance leaders. High performance leaders initiate the tough conversations that others avoid . It gets easier with training and practice, just like any other skill. And while tough conversations may never feel like a breeze, they are often the path to

If something is bothering you, do you talk about it? For years, I would push down my feelings and keep them all to myself. Do you know what good that got me? No good at all. Unless we talk about our outer AND inner lives, how can we expect anyone to help us, to join us, to feel influenced by us? Withholding communication prevents you from feeling fully and dealing completely. Keeping it all inside keeps the air out. How you breathe in there? Have you ever stopped talking to someone? Some people do it suddenly, ghosting the person they once talked to (maybe even someone they professed great love for) giving them no opportunity to understand what's going on. And some have more dignity than that - they TELL you that they won't be talking with you anymore -- and then they follow thru -- by not talking to you anymore. A person I once thought was the love of my life didn't just break up with me -- she cut off all communication. Maybe you've done some degree of thi

What makes it so hard sometimes to tell the truth? Maybe because people will react, and then we have to be ready for that reaction. But if the reaction you want is trust, understanding, and belief, then keep on telling the truth. Before you give your honest answer, make sure it IS your honest answer. Someone might believe you. -- doug smith

Feedback can be hard to take but far worse to ignore. Take the feedback. What you do with it is your business, but take it. Hear it. Stay curious. Move ahead. -- doug smith

Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves. We talk ourselves out of things we want to do (or don't want to do...) We lie about our abilities, our authority, our status. Maybe we lie because it is safer than taking a risk. Maybe we lie because the truth is so harsh. Who are we fooling? When we fool ourselves, you know what that makes us. I might not be able to eliminate lies, but I do not have to believe them. And...whenever I lie to myself I try to laugh a little and move on. How about you? -- doug smith

Do you ever lie to yourself? Most of us do. Of all the lies we tell, we lie to ourselves the most. And for what? Toward what aim? Lying to ourselves is fruitless. Lying to ourselves is damaging. Lying to ourselves is no way to achieve our goals or to communicate effectively. Your truth will matter more to others when it matters more to yourself. Tell yourself the truth. -- doug smith

Clarify. What seems obvious may not be correct. Our perspective filters everything. Clarify. -- doug smith

Did you ever wonder why someone wasn't giving you want you expected? Did you ask? -- doug smith

I know how it feels to fail to communicate. For too long I would keep my feelings to myself. Too many times my thoughts were secret. All too often my silence would be assumed as agreement when that simply was not true. No more. I've focused on improving, on developing my communication skills, and whenever possible, to help other people with theirs. Because it's so important. In many ways, it's the whole ball game. Fail to communicate and how will you ever get what you want? Fail to communicate and how will you manage to make a positive difference in the world? Few things hurt more or do more damage than failure to communicate. I'm still learning how to communicate more effectively. How about you? -- doug smith

You don't have to communicate perfectly, but you do have to communicate. -- Doug Smith

The conversations we avoid are the conversations we most need to create. -- Doug Smith

Communicating effectively is a skill AND a choice. The skill takes practice and training. The choice takes intention based on values and character. We aren't born gifted communicators -- we develop or not. How are you developing your communication skills? -- Doug Smith

What are you afraid of? Everyone who is honest is afraid of something. It could be that performance interview. It could be that presentation. It could be standing up for your team members when your own boss is being unreasonable. We're all anxious about something. Some days, it feels like a whole list of fears. Breathe. Relax. Let it go. The fear is your signal. The fear is your signal that you have a chance to show your commitment, show your passion, show your resolve. And...importantly, to show your courage. Successful supervisors speak and act with courage. Start there. -- Doug Smith Interested in developing your front line leaders? Bring our two-day workshop Supervising for Success to your location and see immediate improvement in your supervisors. Contact: doug@dougsmithtraining.com

When you work to solve a problem, what work do you put into improving communication? How much of your problem solving action plan is focused on communication? Communication matters. Few problems can be truly permanently solved unless there is a change in how people communicate. What's your plan? You may not have solved the problem unless you've also improved or enhanced communication. What does enhanced communication look like? Better, deeper conversations. More trusting relationships. More powerful presentations. More productive meetings. When project managers do an outstanding job of delivering on their project and solving a problem, they improve communication along the way. What are you doing to improve your communication today? -- Doug Smith Front Range Leadership:  High Performance Leadership Training doug smith training:  helping people communicate more effectively What have you learned today?

Have you ever caught someone simply "going through the motions" in communicating with you? They say the right words, their motions seems fine, they just aren't fully engaged in what's going on. They appear to listen, but it feels like their mind is somewhere else. So many of us go through the motions. We read our mobile phones when we're with loved ones we seldom see. We keep an eye on the television while our significant others tells us something important (hint - when it comes from your significant other it's all important), we phone it in. It's one of my biggest faults and it has recently come back to haunt me as I experienced that level of inattentive attention returned. It doesn't look mean, it doesn't look premeditated, and yet it hurts at a level that sinks gradually deeper until it can't be excised. The other day I was riding my bike and I came upon a man playing with his dog. At first it looked really charming. The dog was ve

Do you have regrets? I have some interpersonal regrets that are so raw, so fresh, and so painful that they can immobilize me. I know that things will improve, that I will get beyond these changes, but they beg for examination and learning. Even when we know what we're doing, there's no guarantee that we will do what we know is best. The clearest example is in our conversations. So much is left unsaid. So much is caged and framed in quasi-positive screens in hopes of avoiding confrontation or discomfort. But we need that confrontation. We need to work through that discomfort. Whenever I have, my life has dramatically improved. When ever I have failed to speak both my heart and my mind, my truth at that moment, the result has lingered, faltered, and hurt. As Susan Scott might say, "We're bigger than that." I learned much from reading Susan Scott's books, especially Fierce Conversations, and from seeing her speak. I was even lucky enough to meet her bri

"It wasn't my fault." "I wasn't even there." "I think it happened on the other shift." "They are always messing things up." Who's to blame? When things go wrong, when a customer gets angry, when a supplier raises prices, when things don't go as you planned. Who's to blame? Will it even help if you could pin that down to one person? Will pouring guilt or punishment on a person solve your problem? Probably not. But people do it all the time. It becomes part of the conversation before we even realize it.  Blaming others is so easy that many people don't even know they are doing it. What if we stopped blaming others? What if instead, we worked together to find solutions, better ways of doing things, and ways to avoid what caused our problem to begin with? It's OK to find constructive suggestions to offer to people who need it. But they need more. And problems need more in order to solve. To arrive at ou

What happens to your project team as your project gets closer to the deadline? Does it gain momentum? Does it play fast and enthusiastically toward the goal? High performance leaders do not assume that a project team will remain cohesive thru the project and beyond. They could get distracted. Resources could dry up. Technology could break down. Relationships could strain or get muddled. What's a leader to do? Increase the level of communication. Drive deeper, more meaningful conversations to see how everyone is doing. Keep team meetings focused and on task to make them more productive.  Create powerful presentations that ask compelling questions and create an atmosphere where you the leader listen and encourage others to listen with curiosity. Reward people for progress made -- but don't forget anyone. Singling out top performers at the expense of those carrying the bulk of the load can backfire. There's much that a high performance leader can do to ke

What is your direction? How are you making things better? Where will you be a year from now if you keep doing what you're doing now? Is that where you'll want to be? What can you do TODAY to set a direct course for where you want to be? How about trying some of these CLUES to Success: - Create agreements - Listen with curiosity - Understand the facts AND the feelings - Express yourself clearly and positively - Share responsibility for success It takes practice, so clue someone in and practice together. Once you've become comfortable adding these CLUES to Success to your conversations you'll find that you experience deeper conversations, more powerful presentations, and more productive meetings. And, quite likely, you'll find that your relationships improve as well. Set a course for where you want to be: in a great dialogue. -- Doug Smith

What happens if one of your goals slips from your memory? As busy as most leaders are, it's easy for that to happen. Pay attention to any goals you've been ignoring -- they could reveal a quiet weakness. What goals on your list no longer belong on your list? What should you do about the things you avoid? When will you start? -- Doug Smith Help your people develop their leadership, communication, and productivity skills. Contact me today at: doug@dougsmithtraining.com about scheduling a workshop or teleclass.