The Real Secret

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A few years ago there was a lot of attention on a personal development technique known as "the secret." I'm not here to debunk the secret or throw shade in its direction, because if you've heard about it you've probably already made up your mind. Like many of other methods, if it works for you, enjoy -- and if it doesn't, choose.

This is not nearly so lofty a concept I'm about to share, and it's nothing that I've made up. It's been known forever. But just because it's known doesn't mean that it's easy.

Just because it's simple doesn't guarantee success. Like anything worth working for, we've got to work for it.

The magic ingredient to achieving your goals is discipline.

That's it.

Whatever your course of action, you've got to put in the work. Whatever great habits will propel you forward, you've got to sustain the discipline to keep doing them.

Is that the real secret?

You decide.

-- doug smith

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Secret Desires

The best leaders tell the truth. People know that, even when they don't do that. We live in a world filled with so many lies that people have stopped even believing in truth. If it's all relative anyway then just say what you want, right? No. It's not all relative. And, while the truth will change, and while none of us can be absolutely sure about all truth, we can all tell the truth instead of purposely deceiving others. Maybe it's by design. Lies reveal hidden desires. And, no matter what that desire is, if you have to lie to get it, you won't keep it long. -- doug smith Reflective exercise: What's the biggest lie you've ever told? How long did it remain a secret? What was the final outcome? What do you think would have been the outcome if you'd simply told the truth?

The Best

Do you know this feeling -- fully engaged, highly energized, learning and growing and muscling up to the challenges tossed at you? Once we taste that, we want more. It might be tough, but we want more. There are so many distractions, but we want more. There's nothing quite like comp[letely immersing yourself in who you want to be. Working to be the best, not to overcome someone else, but to level yourself up. Where is your best potential to be the very best? -- doug smith

Future Leaders

Look for team members who take responsibility without being asked to because those are your future leaders. -- doug smith

Too Much Drama?

Do you have too much drama at work? Whenever I ask a class this during one of my Managing Conflict programs the answer is almost always "Yes!" (sometimes, it looks like this: YESSSS!!!!) Drama. It's all around us. Conflicts that are hard to resolve. Personality differences. Political incongruities. Societal hypocrisies. Fractured relationships and sore self-esteem. Drama. We like drama. It ignites us. It gets the heart beating faster. But do we really need it when our team just needs to finish a project? Do we really want it when what we should do instead is communicate more effectively, lead with influence instead of power, and reach mutually beneficial outcomes in change? Of course. Drama makes us feel so alive that even when it isn't necessary we tend to invent it. Given a choice, why invent the unnecessary? -- doug smith Notes: Here’s the process we cover in our program on Managing Conflict: 1. Uncover the causes. 2. Defuse the drama 3. Identify your choices 4. Fi...

Clarify, Clarify, Clarify!

We've all done it, haven't we -- smiled and nodded when we weren't sure we'd agreed? It seems so polite and yet ambiguity is not always our friend when we seek to lead others. Don't pretend that you know. Find out. Don't pretend you agree -- talk about it. Clarify, clarify, clarify! The truth may be moe muddled than you know. -- doug smith

Necessary Conflict

Avoiding a conflict does not make you neutral. It may be healthy at times to avoid conflict, but if your team or someone you love is suffering because of that conflict, you've got responsibilities. What do you do when conflict is necessary? High performance leaders have a plan because they've practiced sensible strategies over and over again. Maybe consider that aching conflict another practice opportunity. -- doug smith

Clarity

How important is it for us to be clear? Clear about our intentions. Clear about our resolve. Clear about our willing to share responsibility for success. High performance leaders are clear. Clarity prevents multiple misinterpretations. Is your message really clear? Do your team members all share understand of that message? -- doug smith

When We're Wrong

Have you ever noticed that people can't seem to realize it when they're wrong? That makes it frustrating for both the person who is wrong and the person who is quite certain that they're wrong. We get stuck. We dig in. It happens in conversations, in conflicts, and in relationships. When we're really wrong, we're really wrong, and we don't even know it. As long as we're wrong we don't see that we're wrong. How do we fix that? (Here it is worth it to pause and wonder, hmmm, how do we?) Pause. It's worth a try. Stay open to possibilities. Listen as if we don't already know the answer, because even if we do the answer might have (probably HAS) changed. When we're wrong we've got to pause to figure that out. And when we're right, we've got to pause to see if that's still true. There's no shame in being wrong. But, it's a total shame to stay that way. -- doug smith

Say The Right Words

It's too easy to say the wrong thing. We get excited. We feel insulted. We jump to conclusions and blurt out something not quite what we meant. I've done it. You've probably done it, too. What if we thought about it for just a moment? What if we set out to be kind, compassionate, and still courageous? There is always more than one way to say what we feel, and the way that we say it matters -- sometimes more than what in that moment we feel and believe. Something we say in passing could be remembered forever. What if we made that memory kind? -- doug smith

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