See Rejection for What It Is

Does rejection stop you in your tracks? Do you ever find yourself altering your work simply to avoid being rejected.

I hate rejection as much as the next person. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It sometimes discourages me. It causes me to question what I'm doing and even who I am. But that's not very useful, is it?

Rejection does not have to devalue us. Rejection is simply one perspective, and hey, most of the time it's wrong. So what if that person does not want to buy your product? If it's still a good product, it can still help others. So what if that person doesn't want to spend time with you anymore (well, OK this is really more than a little "so what") it doesn't mean that you're a bad person or not worth spending time with you. It just says a little something about the person we perceive as rejecting us.

Let that last sentence roll around your head a moment longer please: it just says a little something about the person we perceive as rejecting us.

Maybe they aren't rejecting us at all. Maybe they are exploring. Maybe they reject everything, at first. Maybe they're testing us. Maybe they haven't heard a word we've said. The rejection is all about the rejector, not the rejected.

Rejection should not stop us from continuing to offer what we have of value.

Maybe we offer it in a different way. Maybe we stop to understand the other person before trying so hard to be understood. Maybe we allow ourselves to be influenced instead of pounding on influencing the other person. But we don't need to be done. And, we don't need to feel all the pain of rejection.

We're just getting started.

What rejection do you fear the most? What can you do to assuage that fear and get on with what you really want?

-- Doug Smith

http://dougsmithtraining.blogspot.com/2015/05/make-progress-on-your-goals-today.html

Comments

Reinvention

How many you's are in you? You'll go thru many iterations on the way to the next you. New habits, new skills, new dreams, new goals. Like it or not, we live in constant change. We might as well take ownership of as much of that change as we can. Re-invent yourself when the old skin no longer suits you. It may be time for a new you. -- doug smith

Communication Flexibility

Have you considered flexibility in communication? I thought about this yesterday when my first impulse as a response to something that someone said to me was to share my own experience, my own advice, my own perspective. But I didn't do that. It would have been easy, but it would have been wrong from an emotional standpoint. The other person hadn't asked for my advice. If she did, I was ready. The advice, the point of view, was all ready to go. But she didn't so I simply listened. Quiet can communicate so much. Staying flexible in the moment, knowing the options and then selecting the most compassionate, caring, useful response greatly improves communication. Conversations can be dances where we don't step on each other's feet. Conversations can be fluid, flexible, light, and still substantive. Flexible. Even when I am absolutely sure that I know the answer... There is always more than one answer. -- doug smith

Start With...

Why do people follow you? Where's the magnet? What's the attraction? What's the draw? People look for leaders who are leading causes they believe in. Start with the cause and then look for commitment. If your cause is real, your team will respond. -- doug smith

What luck?

Some days you feel lucky. Some days you don't. I can still hear Albert King singing "if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all..." As a kid I thought, that's too bad, that really is the blues, but that's how it is... Or is it? The thing about luck is that it doesn't seem to consult you. When we rely on luck, good or bad, we relinquish all control. Why do that? On average, luck just doesn't care, so don't let it determine your destiny. To quote the great voice teacher Dorinda Dercar, "Luck is for people who think the answer is outside themselves..." You're better than that. Your answer is inside you. -- doug smith

Uncover the Needs

Customers are human. They may have needs that they don't understand. When we provide unselfish service we just might uncover those customer needs. -- doug smith

Too Much Advice?

What happens with unsolicited advice? Probably nothing. If you didn't ask for a piece of advice, why would you take it? Well, then what happens to advice that you do ask for? Isn't that a whole different matter? Different, yes, and yet often the outcome is the same: advice given and then ignored. It's easy to give advice because we all have opinions on everything, even stuff we don't know anything about. Taking advice is harder because A) the advice we get is often wrong, B) the advice we get is usually hard, and C) the advice we get often doesn't work. As someone who is sometimes paid to give advice I've had to learn the primary consultant's rule of advice giving: first ask the questions and then let the client determine the best advice. It takes longer. It can take much longer. It's not immediately satisfying, but it works much better. I'm working on slowing down my approach to giving advice and yet I still go too fast sometimes. How about you? He...

Do It Anyway

Do you ever have to talk yourself into doing what you need to do? We might even need to talk ourselves into doing some things we WANT to do...we just get busy and stuck. Working on your goals can feel like work sometimes. Do it anyway. Do the work. Achieve your goals. -- doug smith

From Dreams to Goals

When you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up? Now that you're grown, what did you bring from that dream into your current self? Try this: revisit your former dreams -- from childhood or later -- and without attaching to the exact role you imagined, look for the gems inside that sparked your imagination in the first place. Revisit your former dreams -- there could be a current goal there waiting for your discovery. -- doug smith

Steps of Success

Remember to celebrate the goals you've already achieved. They are powerful steps toward your next great goal. -- doug smith

How Far?

How far will you go? How much will you work? How important is it to you? Your goals will go as far as you will go... -- doug smith

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