See Rejection for What It Is

Does rejection stop you in your tracks? Do you ever find yourself altering your work simply to avoid being rejected.

I hate rejection as much as the next person. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It sometimes discourages me. It causes me to question what I'm doing and even who I am. But that's not very useful, is it?

Rejection does not have to devalue us. Rejection is simply one perspective, and hey, most of the time it's wrong. So what if that person does not want to buy your product? If it's still a good product, it can still help others. So what if that person doesn't want to spend time with you anymore (well, OK this is really more than a little "so what") it doesn't mean that you're a bad person or not worth spending time with you. It just says a little something about the person we perceive as rejecting us.

Let that last sentence roll around your head a moment longer please: it just says a little something about the person we perceive as rejecting us.

Maybe they aren't rejecting us at all. Maybe they are exploring. Maybe they reject everything, at first. Maybe they're testing us. Maybe they haven't heard a word we've said. The rejection is all about the rejector, not the rejected.

Rejection should not stop us from continuing to offer what we have of value.

Maybe we offer it in a different way. Maybe we stop to understand the other person before trying so hard to be understood. Maybe we allow ourselves to be influenced instead of pounding on influencing the other person. But we don't need to be done. And, we don't need to feel all the pain of rejection.

We're just getting started.

What rejection do you fear the most? What can you do to assuage that fear and get on with what you really want?

-- Doug Smith

http://dougsmithtraining.blogspot.com/2015/05/make-progress-on-your-goals-today.html

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Secret Desires

The best leaders tell the truth. People know that, even when they don't do that. We live in a world filled with so many lies that people have stopped even believing in truth. If it's all relative anyway then just say what you want, right? No. It's not all relative. And, while the truth will change, and while none of us can be absolutely sure about all truth, we can all tell the truth instead of purposely deceiving others. Maybe it's by design. Lies reveal hidden desires. And, no matter what that desire is, if you have to lie to get it, you won't keep it long. -- doug smith Reflective exercise: What's the biggest lie you've ever told? How long did it remain a secret? What was the final outcome? What do you think would have been the outcome if you'd simply told the truth?

Clarify, Clarify, Clarify!

We've all done it, haven't we -- smiled and nodded when we weren't sure we'd agreed? It seems so polite and yet ambiguity is not always our friend when we seek to lead others. Don't pretend that you know. Find out. Don't pretend you agree -- talk about it. Clarify, clarify, clarify! The truth may be moe muddled than you know. -- doug smith

The Best

Do you know this feeling -- fully engaged, highly energized, learning and growing and muscling up to the challenges tossed at you? Once we taste that, we want more. It might be tough, but we want more. There are so many distractions, but we want more. There's nothing quite like comp[letely immersing yourself in who you want to be. Working to be the best, not to overcome someone else, but to level yourself up. Where is your best potential to be the very best? -- doug smith

Future Leaders

Look for team members who take responsibility without being asked to because those are your future leaders. -- doug smith

Something Else

We do it frequently -- blame people for what's wrong. And when we blame people for something they did not cause it often makes things worse because now they feel bad about it and maybe even defensive. Even though it feels like people get i the way of perfection, it's usually something else. Fix the process. Fix the rule. Fix the presentation. Fix the product. People are better than we realize, and seldom to blame for service breakdowns. -- doug smith Training Activity Make a list of the three most recent service breakdowns that you have experienced. For each breakdown, score on a scale of 1 - 10 how much of that breakdown was caused by: Process Rules Presentation Product People Now you know where to start fixing things.

Too Much Drama?

Do you have too much drama at work? Whenever I ask a class this during one of my Managing Conflict programs the answer is almost always "Yes!" (sometimes, it looks like this: YESSSS!!!!) Drama. It's all around us. Conflicts that are hard to resolve. Personality differences. Political incongruities. Societal hypocrisies. Fractured relationships and sore self-esteem. Drama. We like drama. It ignites us. It gets the heart beating faster. But do we really need it when our team just needs to finish a project? Do we really want it when what we should do instead is communicate more effectively, lead with influence instead of power, and reach mutually beneficial outcomes in change? Of course. Drama makes us feel so alive that even when it isn't necessary we tend to invent it. Given a choice, why invent the unnecessary? -- doug smith Notes: Here’s the process we cover in our program on Managing Conflict: 1. Uncover the causes. 2. Defuse the drama 3. Identify your choices 4. Fi...

Clarity

How important is it for us to be clear? Clear about our intentions. Clear about our resolve. Clear about our willing to share responsibility for success. High performance leaders are clear. Clarity prevents multiple misinterpretations. Is your message really clear? Do your team members all share understand of that message? -- doug smith

A Frustrating Problem

As an old six sigma project manager I firmly believe that most problems are caused by broken processes, not broken people. But let's face it, some people not only don't realize that but they refuse to fix the process. If you know a process is broken, and do nothing to change that, the problem gets worse. If you can solve someone's problem but refuse to, you might be the problem. Don't be the problem. Fix the process, even if you need help. Because there are no perfect processes, but there are lots of people avoiding them. -- doug smith

You're Still OK

Maybe it didn't turn out \exactly as you planned. Maybe the problem is still clanking around in the background or even right in front of you. There you are. Calm. Focused. Centered. Centered problem solvers are OK even if their problem is not yet solved. -- doug smith

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