See Rejection for What It Is

Does rejection stop you in your tracks? Do you ever find yourself altering your work simply to avoid being rejected.

I hate rejection as much as the next person. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It sometimes discourages me. It causes me to question what I'm doing and even who I am. But that's not very useful, is it?

Rejection does not have to devalue us. Rejection is simply one perspective, and hey, most of the time it's wrong. So what if that person does not want to buy your product? If it's still a good product, it can still help others. So what if that person doesn't want to spend time with you anymore (well, OK this is really more than a little "so what") it doesn't mean that you're a bad person or not worth spending time with you. It just says a little something about the person we perceive as rejecting us.

Let that last sentence roll around your head a moment longer please: it just says a little something about the person we perceive as rejecting us.

Maybe they aren't rejecting us at all. Maybe they are exploring. Maybe they reject everything, at first. Maybe they're testing us. Maybe they haven't heard a word we've said. The rejection is all about the rejector, not the rejected.

Rejection should not stop us from continuing to offer what we have of value.

Maybe we offer it in a different way. Maybe we stop to understand the other person before trying so hard to be understood. Maybe we allow ourselves to be influenced instead of pounding on influencing the other person. But we don't need to be done. And, we don't need to feel all the pain of rejection.

We're just getting started.

What rejection do you fear the most? What can you do to assuage that fear and get on with what you really want?

-- Doug Smith

http://dougsmithtraining.blogspot.com/2015/05/make-progress-on-your-goals-today.html

Comments

Influence, Not Manipulation

This could be a whole book, but I'll keep it short. Every day is a struggle to influence and to avoid being manipulated. Both struggles impact each other. We need to be open to being influenced. Sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes our perspective shifts, our approach changes, our actions respond. But, manipulation is inconsiderate. Manipulation is disrespectful. Manipulation says "we don't trust you so we're going to make it hard for you to do what we don't want you to do..." Influence all day long. Involve people in that influence. Make your circle larger and watch your potential grow. But as soon as you try to manipulate someone, you've crossed a dangerous line. What do you think? -- doug smith

Love That Job

Do your team members love their jobs? Do you? There is nothing quite like loving a job you're doing. Focused, alive, attentive, building something important, serving people gladly...what could be better? We all need to work, why not love the work we do? As a leader, you are the main reason (yes I said the MAIN reason) your team members either love their jobs or they don't. It's all in the climate you create, the environment of both support and challenge balanced with precision and love. A leader who helps someone love their job is giving the world a wonderful treasure. What can you do today to show your team members the potential to make this the best team ever, with the best jobs ever? Here's one idea: appreciate. Thank someone, recognize some, share with someone how you value what they do and who they are. They'll like that, you'll like that...everybody wins. -- doug smith

More On Now

Now is one of those words that means different things to different people. It implies a sense of urgency. Immediacy. And, it can mean so much more. When I say "now!" I mean it will not be perfect but it will be DONE. When I say "now!" I mean seriously, attentively, and instantly. When I say "now!" I mean "now for me" without expecting anyone else to follow automatically. If it's not urgent for you, even if it is for me, just let me know. What do you mean when you say now? -- doug smith

Get Help Solving That Problem

Do you try to do everything on your own? If you're part of a team, and especially if you are leading a team, it goes better by collaborating. Working together. Helping each other. People like to be connected. What better time to strengthen your connections than when you have a problem? You don't need everyone in the world to help you solve a problem but you probably do need someone. Find out who that is, and get them involved. Besides, it is way more fun that way, too. -- doug smith

Motivation Is Contagious

Like most team behaviors, motivation is contagious. When people look around and see team members energized, charged up, focused, and engaged, it tends to spread. That's not a shortcut, though. Leaders still need to do the work by creating an environment that supports and challenges the team members. Leaders also need to develop relationships with individual team members and help those team members develop cooperative, cohesive relationships with each other. There's no quick fix, but it helps to start doing something that does work. One thing is talking with your people. Lead with questions long before you offer any answers. What motivates your people? Ask them. -- doug smith

Compassionate Patience

It's easy to forget how much work it took to get where you are. Skills that we can take for granted are still absent or being developed in other people, including our team members. Compassionate leaders remember what they were like before they acquired the skills they now wish their team members had. The challenge: staying patient. The good news: as a leader you can help those team members grow. -- doug smith

Focused Truth

Focused leaders have zero time for inauthentic messages. They tell the truth unconditionally and insist on the truth consistently. Be a leader who can handle the truth. Be a leader who tells the truth. -- doug smith

Now Means Now

How do you feel when someone says that they will do something right away, and then they don't? When I say "now!" I mean immediately, and without over-thinking. never under estimate the temptation to overthink (I think I just did!) When is now? How about now? -- doug smith

Patience, please

It's easy to lose patience. We expect everything right away, perfect, and hassle free. When was the last time that you grew impatient because someone or something was not matching your expectations? If you're at all like me, that was probably not long ago. What if we took a pause. What if we let a moment form before judging it? Those critical thoughts might not need to be said. That aggressive body language might be unnecessary. Patience prevents endless misunderstandings. I'm working on developing more patience. How about you? -- doug smith

Subtle Motivation

People are motivated by their own individual needs, but also powerfully by what motivate those people nearby. Behavior, and motivation, is contagious. Winning leaders create environments where motivation is widely shared. It's not a contest, it's a team. -- doug smith

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