Leadership Conversations: Relationship Building

What are your leadership conversations about?

High performance leaders conduct all kinds of conversations -- around performance, goals, aspirations, tasks, schedules, development, customer service, process improvement...all KINDS of conversations. Something every high performance leadership conversation needs is time to build the relationship.

Unhurried. Deeper conversations. Getting to know your people.

That's one reason why two-thirds of the three part conversations we help develop at doug smith training contain relationship building:

1. Small talk
2. Big talk (goals, performance, etc.)
3. Appreciation

You could think of it as a performance sandwich but that's not all of it. The "bread" of that sandwich is all about getting to know each other better, spending meaningful time together, and bonding in such a way that working together becomes easier and more effective.

You're still the boss. You still get to decide in the end. But, as you get to know your people better you'll see how they are becoming more ready to make their own decisions, to take on their own challenges, to lead on their own.

Leaders drive change and change disrupts. People get flustered. Feathers get ruffled. How do your people know that you're still on their side when you challenge them beyond their cozy comfort zone?

Talk about it. We can't tell what something means to our relationship until we talk about it.

Talk about it.

-- doug smith

Leadership Calls to Action:

Stay curious
Turn toward all offers to connect (when your people want to talk today, talk. Today.)

Comments

Appreciation Builds Confidence

High performance leaders must do two things extremely skillfully: 1. Support your people 2. Challenge your people One great way to support your people is to appreciate them. Say thank you often and very specifically. Thank then for exactly what they did and why it's helpful. For example: "Thanks for getting your report in a day early! That gives me more time to digest the data and less time to worry about getting it on time!" "Thank you so much for listening respectfully even though I could tell you disagreed. When we're able to talk like this it's much more likely that we'll come up with great ideas and solutions to problems." "I appreciate the way you follow-up a good question with a clarifying response. That way we both understand what we're saying!" It takes practice. It might feel awkward at first. But here's something that I say every day because it's true: what gets appreciated gets repeated. If you like something, apprec

Focus Saves Time

A proper goal prevents wasted time. We don't have time to pursue meaningless goals. What matters most needs most of our time. Take a look at your list of goals. Prioritize the top three. The rest will matter most when the top three are done. -- doug smith

Gratitude

What we are grateful for stays, what we take for granted goes away. What are you grateful for today? If the list is long, there's something also to be grateful for. If the list is short, consider it more. Gratitude blesses our blessings and keeps them flowing. -- doug smith

Developing Leadership

We are constantly developing leadership -- the work is never done. New challenges, new people, new goals. That includes how we lead and who we develop as current and future leaders. Developing leadership is a constant. What's your plan? -- doug smith

Keep Solving

It's frustrating to solve a problem only to have it re-appear. And, even if it doesn't re-appear it seems like another problem quickly pops up. Problems don't stay solved so we must keep solving. And so...keep solving. -- doug smith

Who Follows The Rules?

If the rules are not fair for everyone, they will be broken. You shouldn't be surprised, though -- you should make the rules fair. -- doug smith

Practice!

How much do you practice the skill that is most important to your success? We do best what we do most. Practice. It's the best way (maybe the only way) to get better. You name the skill -- communication, leadership, problem solving, managing conflict, playing music, running, swimming, singing, dancing, acting...practice is the key. -- doug smith

Smile

It's easier to face the future if you embrace the present with a smile. "Is that your answer to everything? Smile?" "Nah -- but it serves me better than frowning." "What if you don't know whether to smile or cry?" "Even a curious smile is better than no smile at all...smile? Yes!" The more you make yourself smile, the more you will need to because there will be more to smile about -- smiles will start coming more often on their own. People will smile back. The smiles will multiply. It's harder to be mad at someone who likes you enough to smile for you, to smile toward you, to smile with you. Smile! -- doug smith

Adjustable Expectations

How important are your expectations to you? Have you adjusted them lately? Or, have they been adjusted FOR you? It's important to know what we expect and manage what we expect. Too much, and you'll disappoint yourself. Too little, and you could under-perform. We control our expectations. And, we also adjust those expectations. Problems have a way of recalibrating our expectations. it could take longer to reach our goal. It might be impossible to reach our goal. Until we solve the problem, our expectations could stall. Life, and work, is filled with unexpected adjustments. What did you expect? -- doug smith

Communicate Politely

Can you tell a hard truth and still be polite? Absolutely! We can disagree with respect. We can remain civil. We can demonstrate professionalism even under pressure. Nothing should ever prevent a true professional from being polite. -- doug smith

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